Partner doesn’t want my son here on a weekend

[Happymum1782]

I have a son (5y) from a previous marriage and now a 2yo with my current partner. Due to his dad living far away we always had my son during the week and then his dad had him every weekend but recently his dad moved close by and I wanted to have my son one weekend per month so we could have family time and both kids could spend time with their sibling. We have very little time during the week as we work full time and both kids in school / childcare 9-5 every day so I have missed out on quality time with my older son while he was with his dad every weekend. I spoke with my partner about it and he agreed so I arranged it with my ex. Well this weekend is our turn to have my son and I brought it up with my partner to say we could go as a family to choose a Christmas tree. He was really unpleasant in response, rolled his eyes and said “great” in a sarcastic tone then went on to say “guess that’s my weekend ruined then. We will have no time together. I will have to spend all weekend entertaining your son”. To be clear he does very little with my son. I do all of his day to day care and playing with both kids on an evening as my partner is tired from
work. I’m really upset by his comments and he says I’m overreacting.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby. He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son but not at our shared child. AIBU to get so upset over this?

How has he been 'nasty' to the OPs son? He's never said anything to him or done anything nasty. He just feels it will be more like work than rest when he comes. He's allowed to feel that...and express it. as health worker said, it can happen to stepparents after the birth of their own child.

Your problem was leaping to move in and have a baby with a new boyfriend when you had a very young infant child. Your “DP” doesn’t like your son. Your son is being pushed out so your “new” family can be the “real” family. Long since time to sort this out.

Tell a teacher what though? There is no abuse and he wouldn’t be able to tell the teacher stuff my partner has said when he is not here? I’d be happy for him to tell his teacher anything he wants. There’s nothing at all I would be concerned about social services finding out. They’d be welcome to come here and see our family. I doubt social services take children away because their step parent said he didn’t want them
here on a weekend

You haven't acknowledged posts (the majority) telling you to leave your partner. Which suggests you're not open to that possibility.

Your son WILL pick up on the hostility if he hasn't already and you have a duty of care to protect him from adults who resent him.

She said he can't regulate himself and snaps at her eldest even though his behaviour is good and he doesn't deserve it. He should not be 'expressing' that at all.

So what’s your solution? You seem determined to stick with the abusive test you’ve chosen to shack up with regardless of the damage to your son.

Surely living with his dad can’t be worse than living with rent a dick who resents his existence.

And absolutely no one said his father is a paragon of virtue so you’re just making stuff up now.

But funny how you’re getting angry with online strangers but not at the cunt wrecking you sons life eh

Your responses quite clear you’ll continue to prioritise this dick over your son - that poor poor boy

Op please get rid !
The damage this thing (he's not a man) will cause to you and your some and your children's relationship with eachother will be unfixable .
Your son is already likely picking up on his revolting behaviour .
Done know why men get with women who have a children only to go on and emotionally abuse the children .

To be fair I only saw all the other posters suggesting it after I had posted 🤦🏽‍♀️

My point still stands - one day ds will be able to choose who he lives with.

Your partner is showing a disturbing lack of empathy for someone vulnerable (your eldest son) ..this is a big red flag for more serious violent behaviour..this is an indicator and a warning that he is cruel…you can’t want your son to have that in his life? When your mutual child is challenging will you be surprised when your DP shows the same attitude?

100% non negotiable.
Get this uncaring, horrible man out of your life asap.

Another one, OP, saying exactly the same from this scenario. 🤬

Sartre I couldn't agree with you more. Your self esteem is wrecked by this. I take my hat off to you as you are a much more forgiving person than me. I cut my mother out of my life completely - plus everyone else associated with her - and she never saw or heard from me again.

💐for you.

Why have you even come here? YOU have admitted your twat of a man behaves badly to your son and doesn't want him, yet you have defended him repeatedly.

In years to come you will have issues with both your children. All because you couldn't be a good parent. I think you wanted people to say that it isn't a big deal so you could relieve your guilt and it has backfired and now you're backpeddling.

Trust me your son is going to get a very clear picture if how much your DP doesn’t want him there.

You are calling him only an adequate father yet you are forcing your son to live with someone who clearly resents him! You are hardly parent of the year.

OP you’re in a really shit position and you’re getting an unhelpful kicking.

Could you do some family therapy? If your partner was previously and is otherwise a good man, he may not realise he’s being unfair to your son and he may not appreciate how much his moaning upsets you. On the other hand, maybe you’re oversensitive when it comes to injustices for your son. Talking it through with an impartial party might help you see each other’s perspectives.

Even if your ex isn’t perfect, maybe reviewing the schedule would help. Now your son is at school, you barely have a day off with him. If your ex had one or two nights a week and every other weekend, that might make it better balanced for everyone.

It's emotional abuse op .
Imagine how your child feels .
Would your partner be happy if a future partner of yours treated his child the same way he's treating yours .
It's disgusting.

Op won’t leave her partner. Instead she will manage it so that he and her ds see each other as little as possible. The other dc will see this growing up. Well to be fair, both dc will see this growing up.

Come on op, I know it’s scary and nobody is saying it is easy but this isn’t good for any of you

No he snaps on occasions when his behaviour is not good. If he’s lashed out at his sibling for example. I have a different parenting style as I was shouted at as a kid so I am very conscious about not raising my voice at the kids. He is not saying or doing anything I haven’t seen other parents do at softplay etc. but the point I was making is he never ever raises his voice with our shared child so he treats them unequally

This☝️
I think this is measured and appropriate.
I don't think he sounds a horrible man. Just a stepdad who doesn't have same feelings as being a biological dad. If he is good in other ways OP don't discard him, just work round him. It's not his fault how he feels. And I think you appreciate you don't know how it is for him because he's your biological son and all the love feeling etc etc are very much there.
It's just life in a blended family. Difficult but with love and understanding workable.

Their MOTHER should take them away from that vile asshole.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby.

I don’t think you understand OP. The above is how you describe your partner’s behaviour towards your son. Whatever your son says to anybody else, he is experiencing emotional harm because of the behaviour of your partner towards him. If you think that what you describe, that I have quoted, is not harming your son then you are being wilfully blind.

Because It’s all about HIM, not you, not your son, not his daughter.
what a vile person. I would not do any cooking, cleaning, or wash his clothes and then he can see how much YOU do, plus all the child care ! See how he manages his precious time when he has do do what you do for HIM . Stop doing anything for him or leave with your daughter .

Which is enough, as we have told you repeatedly. And that isn't what you said. Oh and treating him differently from the way he used to and not bothering with him, the way he has been, IS treating him like shit.

Keep trying to squirm out of what you have already said OP, one day all your cards will fall and sadly, your kids will be the victims.

I am out of this disgusting thread.

This is true - your exp is only adequate yet your current dp is not even close to adequate so be on your own with your dc where nobody is ignored, snapped at etc