My husband being ill makes me want a divorce

[Yoyomelon]

Me and my DH are married 10 years and have 2 young kids. 3 weeks ago my daughter got ill with flu and we all ended up catching it. It was a horrible illness aches/pains high temp for a week and a lingering cough and stuffiness that I still have 3 weeks later. My husband caught it a week after us (mainly because i was taking care of the sick children during the night while he chose to just not get up and help), when I had it I just kept doing everything I needed to do because there was no other option I can't just not take care of my kids because I'm unwell, but since he got ill he has basically taken to the bed the last 2 weeks. We both work full time I took one day off sick as I had a fever and kids were off sick from school so didnt have childcare, but apart from that I continued to work. He has been off sick for over a week now but is doing nothing (this is the same every time he is ill), he is not communicating with me not interacting with the kids, not helping with any of the house stuff. Refuses to see a doctor. He doesn't have a high temp just a lingering cough and stuffed sinus (which I know is horrible) but I keep having this fantasy of being divorced where I can just be alone in the house with the kids and even though il still havebto do everything myself at least I won't have to look at him moping and being a negative energy in the house.
Im sure I sound like a heartless bitch.
Things are not great in our marriage anyway even when he is well. But I think this is just sending me over the edge.

Sometimes people don’t recognise their own behaviour until a light is shon on it.

I think that the only way he will understand how unacceptable what he’s doing is to see it from the other side. As soon as he is well, go to bed for a week yourself. You’re feeling poorly because “you overdid it when you were sick” and it caught up with you. Don’t do anything for him or the kids in that time, leave it 100 percent to him, and text him what you want for dinner.

Or divorce him and have a nice life by
yourself. I find it hard to believe that he genuinely does 50/50 the rest of the time, so you might well find single parenting easier than you expect!

He sounds appalling. It's quite nice living with just your children. But what would the split of time look like?

I did divorce due to this (and other things), it highlighted the lack of respect and equality within my marriage and life is too damn short for that.

On my own with the kids is peaceful, calm, everyone in the house is courteous and helpful, my energy is FAR higher without pandering to a man’s “needs” and we all benefit. Too many men behave in a draining way, it was an epiphany when I realised he was draining me more than the children were. I learnt how to use power tools (which are far easier than we are led to believe btw) and love our simple life.

He was clearly taking the pis. What a shit. Selfish and lazy.

i wouldnt take his meals up to him
he needs to help himself to recover
lolling around in bed doesnt help anyone

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Can't you even be bothered to read the first post from the OP? She was ill with the same illness that he had but she carried on looking after her children and getting up in the night for them while her perfectly healthy (at that point) husband chose not to help her.

Hopefully, you're just a bot but they normally have better grammar and spelling.

I’ve said the same thing and gotten flamed, too.

It boggles the mind, how low some people’s standards are. Men don’t change that much; the signs are always there. But major flaws are willfully overlooked by people who are desperate for a relationship or for someone with whom to conceive children.

Another useless man. I have no idea why women stay married to them. As a lone parent of many years I can tell you it’s way easier than managing a man child on top of everything else

He sounds ridiculous. Fair enough if he can't work from home and needed to be signed off for a week. However, requesting you make him different meals and take them up for him in bed is taking the piss. No need to ignore his kids; maybe he's too unwell to play with them, but he can still make basic conversation and not just ignore them.

He owes that AL to you and the family - at the very least to discuss it.

Completely agree

I completely agree, I've sat at more than one wedding thinking the bride is making a mistake. I understand the drive to get married and have children but PEOPLE. DON'T. CHANGE. Especially selfish men! If there were signs before the wedding they will turn into giant flashing billboards with the pressure of marriage and children.

“ How low people’s standards are “ , “ desperate for a relationship “ , he’s a plonker when he is sick , relax ! 🙄 .
There’s always posters on here like you that just go way over the top , infact you’re quite insulting with your above choice of words .
You don’t give advice & you’re not kind …

My husband is actually great at getting back to it when he is recovering from an illness. I can imagine how stressful it would be for a husband to be languishing in bed until they feel 100% better, because that can take weeks or months. Sometimes we do have to get back to family life after a bout of illness once the worst has passed.

When I am sick, I cannot soldier on. My blood pressure gets so low when I am unwell that I always feel like aim going to pass out when I push myself. My husband can push through if he needs to. However he knows that I cannot and takes care of me (and I him).

I think the issue here is that it doesn't seem like your husband looks after when you're ill. You shouldn't be soldiering on when there is a healthy adult in the house who can take over. Sorry if ive missed any updates exhonerating your husband from normal caring duties but that's what would bother me.

Do you think he is depressed? Just read an update from you about the lack of intimacy etc? Could help be hiding behind having an illness to stay in bed and block out reality?

Just to add, OP...I had a terrible period of time after I had covid where I picked up every virus going for a year. I was constantly sick. There is a pattern with an illness, as you start coming out the other side, you start to get a bit restless to get back to normal...to wash, to go to the shops, put on some normal clothes, etc etc.

My dad always said that when you start getting bored of lying in bed, it means youre getting better. Its strange that your husband is still in that stage of being confided to a bed when two weeks have passed and he should (I think) have a natural inclination to return to normality. That's making me think there's a mental health issue here. Could that be the case?

Two weeks is obviously ridiculous, unless he’s experiencing some kind of long viral response (your updates suggest otherwise).

However, I’ve always been quite dismissive of my husband taking to his bed for 24 hours when sick, rolling my eyes about man flu etc. but I’ve realised I rarely get a fever when I’m ill and he always does. That’s just how his body response. I can feel crap but manageable for a week, he’ll be in bed for a day or two, then generally fine.

A few weeks ago I caught flu from our baby. I went to bed at 8pm Sunday and didn’t properly get up till Wednesday morning. That’s literally unheard of for me, and DH just had to do everything for the kids. Honestly, if it had been the other way round I’d probably have been annoyed but having experienced it, I now actually understand that when you feel like that, you cannot safely function. I was still breastfeeding the baby over night, but DH had to come sit with me as I didn’t feel safe with her.

I think it’s likely your husband is taking the piss here, but honestly it made me realise I’ve been quite unsympathetic in the past!

This behaviour would be the straw that breaks the camels back. He's being a lazy cretin.