My husband being ill makes me want a divorce

[Yoyomelon]

Me and my DH are married 10 years and have 2 young kids. 3 weeks ago my daughter got ill with flu and we all ended up catching it. It was a horrible illness aches/pains high temp for a week and a lingering cough and stuffiness that I still have 3 weeks later. My husband caught it a week after us (mainly because i was taking care of the sick children during the night while he chose to just not get up and help), when I had it I just kept doing everything I needed to do because there was no other option I can't just not take care of my kids because I'm unwell, but since he got ill he has basically taken to the bed the last 2 weeks. We both work full time I took one day off sick as I had a fever and kids were off sick from school so didnt have childcare, but apart from that I continued to work. He has been off sick for over a week now but is doing nothing (this is the same every time he is ill), he is not communicating with me not interacting with the kids, not helping with any of the house stuff. Refuses to see a doctor. He doesn't have a high temp just a lingering cough and stuffed sinus (which I know is horrible) but I keep having this fantasy of being divorced where I can just be alone in the house with the kids and even though il still havebto do everything myself at least I won't have to look at him moping and being a negative energy in the house.
Im sure I sound like a heartless bitch.
Things are not great in our marriage anyway even when he is well. But I think this is just sending me over the edge.

Tell him that!!! Why the hell are you still pandering to his bullshit ????

I live on my own with my son and a lodger. I would like to live with someone in the hope they would help with jobs eg arrange a plumber or wait at home whilst new dishwasher is delivered etc. Basically useful when things break as I find these things a struggle on top of everything else.
So if I had someone who lived with me and did those things but was a pain when ill I could put up with it.
If they were like that when ill and also unhelpful the rest of the time then I would want a divorce as well.

So I would bring it up and say I do x when I’m ill and you do y which puts a lot of extra pressure on me.

So they are aware it’s been noted but then it’s up to you whether their presence is worth it or not.

That’s my take on it but bear in mind I’m divorced and live on my own so take with a pinch of salt!

Dropping dinners. Omfg.
My husband said not to bother with Christmas dinner, if I don't feel well (due to a period).
What a fucker. What disrespect to the OP.

Then you "thought" wrong. Imagine if you'd read all of OP's posts before commenting you'd have read hers, posted at 11:22 (over an hour earlier than yours), "No I work from home.".

We had a huge row about an hour ago and now he's up and angrily hoovering. I should have waited until he was better to bring it up but I lost the rag when he text asking me to bring him up lunch while I was on a work meeting. After the meeting I went downstairs where he was making his own lunch and told him he was taking the piss stating in bed this long and he refused to discuss said "fine! I won't get sick ever again" and now he's pulling out the sofas and furniture and loudly hoovering behind them while I'm trying to work in the office above it haha
Seems like he wasn't all that ill then if he's able to passive aggressively rage clean

What a prick. He's trying to make sure you never ask anything of him again.

As the old saying goes - why the fuck are men.

I feel you OP. I had a seminal moment when married to a lazy arse who was “ill” in bed. It was when he called downstairs in a quavery voice “Can I have another mince pie?” 😂😂😂 I added it to the note on my phone titled 1000 Reasons to leave.

Doesn’t he work? He can’t self certify for longer then 7 days so he would have had to have seen a GP to stay in bed for 2 weeks.

Either way I think you are being a bit unreasonable to silently seethe for 2 weeks and it’s resulted in you blowing up at him.

I would have been a lot clearer of my expectations and reminded him we were all sick. If he said he was going back to bed I would have told the kids to sit in the bedroom with him. You instead juggled everything went and did the shopping and let him! Either he’s too sick to get up, in which case he needs medical help or he’s not and he needs to pull his weight.

You say he’s hands-on but you also say he wasn’t up in the night with them. So he’s a bit shit normally!

And I think normally is the issue. Just to give the normal normal… DH is terrible when he’s sick. But if DD is sick he’s washing, laundering, caring, being fantastic. When I’m sick DD makes hot drinks, he fetches me blankets and does all the housework, encourages me to rest and take time, hands me things and is generally brilliant.

And then you don’t have fun, you aren’t affectionate and all that. And, this is a bad one, you feel a bit of contempt. While also facilitating this idiocy.

“DH I’m not fetching you egg and chips when there’s food made. If you’re too sick to get dinner, you need the doctor”. And DONE!

He saw an online doctor a week ago and got certed off then put in for AL for rest of this week. So he won't be going back until at least Monday.

So he’s not refusing to see a doctor then? I think you’re in the wrong here. He felt too ill to work, the online doctor agreed. You taking one day off was your choice. I agree looking after the kids should be shared as much as possible but you should have said something sooner.

Currently only one of them is keeping to those vows.

OP honestly make the fantasy a reality. I can’t bear that sort of drippy man. What would he be like if there was a serious illness in your family?

OP, it gets worse. Get out while you can.

Nope
if he was in hospital he’d be encouraged to get and move and get fresh air by now. Or risk DVT .

First, stop doing anything for him. Don’t cook for him. Do his washing.. take him drinks, listen to his moaning. Buy his medication or anything at all. Don’t even engage. Do black rock type act in terms of not responding or expressing any emotion, empathy or irritation with his palaver. Just pretend he’s not in the house. And carry on looking after you and kids only. I’d also sleep in another room if possible on basis he’s clewrly got a very nasty infection. And if sharing same bed then cuddles, sex etc is also off table as he’s clewrly still infectious and weak and need to conserve his strength

the isolation and irritations with not having you pander to him, will potentially wear him down till he decides to re engage in normal life. Don’t comment when it happens, just carry on.

seriously ignore him

and keep doing that every time he pulls a stunt like that again.

.

I've read all your posts but not the full thread, so I don't know if anyone else has posted this. It always makes me laugh and is so true!

My god fancy applying for a weeks AL just to hang around in bed all day when barely ill
I bet his work were pleased with him after a week off sick!

He saw online Dr and asked for a cert for a week which I didn't think was unreasonable as he does not work from home. But would have been expecting him to get better 2 weeks in that's why I was asking him to see a physical doctor if he still can't get out of bed.

What was his reasoning about not helping when you and the dc were poorly?

Anyway he's had a miraculous recovery now hoovered and mopped the house and collected the kids from school. He's sulking with me though but maybe I can talk to him about it more calmly after the kids go to bed

I didn't ask. Which is true.... I didn't ask but like he didn't ask me to take care of my sick children either I just did it because it had to be done.

You shouldn’t have to ask though. As parents you just do. Though he doesn’t clearly. And now he has the nerve to be in a mood with you? It is honestly laughable how some men behave. I hope you feel back to full health soon op

I think people are underestimating the 'slow creep' - normally when people reach this stage that's when they're realising how much they've been carrying. 'You should have said something earlier' normally misses the point that something has been said on multiple other occasions to little effect.

Yep you shouldn't have to ask. He holds down a job, I very much doubt he asks every time he does something there.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but flu can make some people sicker than others so maybe he had it worse? Also depends on his job, working from home on a computer is physically not demanding so easier to work than being a plasterer for example! Hope you both feel better soon!

Not to be too depressing OP, but seriously consider what he would be like if you ever had a truly serious illness like cancer. Is this a man that will have your back and support you through it? Or would he resent you, expect you to get on with things and cook dinner still?