My husband being ill makes me want a divorce

[Yoyomelon]

Me and my DH are married 10 years and have 2 young kids. 3 weeks ago my daughter got ill with flu and we all ended up catching it. It was a horrible illness aches/pains high temp for a week and a lingering cough and stuffiness that I still have 3 weeks later. My husband caught it a week after us (mainly because i was taking care of the sick children during the night while he chose to just not get up and help), when I had it I just kept doing everything I needed to do because there was no other option I can't just not take care of my kids because I'm unwell, but since he got ill he has basically taken to the bed the last 2 weeks. We both work full time I took one day off sick as I had a fever and kids were off sick from school so didnt have childcare, but apart from that I continued to work. He has been off sick for over a week now but is doing nothing (this is the same every time he is ill), he is not communicating with me not interacting with the kids, not helping with any of the house stuff. Refuses to see a doctor. He doesn't have a high temp just a lingering cough and stuffed sinus (which I know is horrible) but I keep having this fantasy of being divorced where I can just be alone in the house with the kids and even though il still havebto do everything myself at least I won't have to look at him moping and being a negative energy in the house.
Im sure I sound like a heartless bitch.
Things are not great in our marriage anyway even when he is well. But I think this is just sending me over the edge.

This is how it should be but unfortunately it’s not the norm.

As i said previously I work from home

He's taking the piss. If he wants food, he can bloody well join you all for food and muck in with all the mealtime stuff.

OMG he thinks that it's a restaurant and he can order what he fancies and you will provide it. Honestly, I've never met him and I hate his guts!

Stop waiting on him hand and foot. He is just being lazy and, at this stage of his illness, probably malingering.

But he's actively making "the hard season" worse by not woman-ing up and getting on with things. Failing to see, let alone acknowledge, everything that needs to be done to care for his children and to keep the house running even when one or more of you are ill makes him the problem. Recognising that would make him feel like the bad guy and that is definitely not what he wants to do.

This will just keep eroding your feelings towards him. Time to start planning to move on from this extra child.

He’s being pathetic and very unfair. He does not sound very unwell now and therefore needs to get his arse in gear. Marriage is meant to be a partnership and he’s just thinking of himself. I def agree with other PP’s that you need to stop sending food up. I don’t think you’ve been a martyr as you’ve been asking for help and he’s just ignored you and so you’ve had to keep things going to meet the kids needs but I think it’s time to get tough and set down your expectations, he if doesn’t meet them then I’d be telling him that it is make or break in terms of your marriage

FFS. I had flu earlier this year. Couldn't just lie in bed as I had baby DS to look after. (He got it too but recovered quicker than me.) It sucked, but such is life. Expecting you to look after the kids while trying to work is ridiculous.

You need to get yourself a new DH because it shouldn’t be the bloody norm!! It isn’t in this house!

Errr and where was he when she was sick?

OP seems the sensible sort, she WFH

@JFDIYOLO your piffle applied to the DH when OP was ill. Or do you think that all women are service animals for men?

This is the crux of it for me. If I’m ill enough to need to stay in bed, DP will do what’s needed. Bring me cups of tea and painkillers. Look after the needs of the children. But if we’re both sick, he just takes to his bed. It’s all very well people saying that poor old DP needs time to recover. What about me? Where’s my time to recover? He has been known to shuffle into the kitchen looking very very sad and most put out that I didn’t hear him calling and assumed that I must be better because I’m in there ‘doing stuff.’ How the hell else did he think our kids’ needs were being met?

Well just stop for gods sake, take the kids back up to him even when upu go out just leave him to it.
Aso tell him your going to call a ambulance as its gone on for so long hes got to get medicle input. I bet he says no do call them !!!
Once he is up and about you either carry on being a doormat or tell him your done with him completly .

I'd take him a lovely breakfast up with flowers on the tray and your divorce papers under his plate.

You can be vaccinated against flu,you might have to pay if you don't fit the criteria. You certainly wouldn't be eating, with flu,you can hardly walk to the toilet,you have to force a sip of water down. Same with COVID except on Mumsnet it's just a sniffle these days. Thankfully DH isn't like that,he went to work once feeling ill,no one around to pass on the germs to,he collapsed and it turned out to be pneumonia. I had flu once, followed by pneumonia,I was bedridden.

Ok , so he’s good enough when he’s well , balls he’s like that when he’s sick , but you know the score & said he has always been like this so 🤷🏻‍♀️ .I suppose what can you do , this is who he is , you chose him , ( I mean that kindly by the way) .

With regard to marriage could be doing better , marriage needs to be worked at OP , they’re a partnership ..
You say he doesn’t want to discuss anything, don’t discuss anything, plan a date night , is that possible for you ?
if you’re not in position to go out cause of childcare, nice dinner & few drinks at home ?
Very important to take couple time out of house aswel though to connect without children x

No, you are not a heartless bitch.
Hug from a non hugger. 💐
My husband (75) did everything he could here, when I got ill to the point I couldn't get up.
I don't understand what is your husband's attitude going to bring him, rather than resentment/divorce.

Why on earth are you pandering to him. Let him starve! You are facilitating his behaviour. My husband always looks after me when poorly and I do the same for him. What a loser!

I'm older than you OP, and the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. Imagine getting sick, needing tests, having cancer, needing care or having an ongoing disability with this man. He will be sicker, useless and make it all about himself.

Caring for a very ill husband (properly ill, not man flu) was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, and I would only do this for someone I adored and that I know would look after me if the tables were turned.

The intimacy and closeness isn't going to improve, what you do with that information is up to you.

Its not a matter of wanting to be a martyt. Its a behaviour pattern its easy to fall in if you a/ grown up with the pattern b/ you live with a man child who is prone to weaponised incompetence.

Is this an exception or does he have a form for this?

Absolutely this!
’D’H needs to step up and keep to his vows- just like OP is doing.

More you fool you you sound like an absolute chump.

@Yoyomelon You only fantasise about divorcing him OP? I'd want to fecking kill him! YANBU and he's taking the piss. He has flu - just as you all did - he's not at death's door. He needs to take some appropriate OTC medication to reduce his symptoms, get himself showered and dressed and downstairs to help out - even if it's just watching the kids while you meet your work commitments.
How is his employer reacting to him taking two weeks off sick?

I would tell him quite clearly to fuck off.

It was influenza A we were tested on a test strip that checked for covid influenza A and b. I will definitely be getting the flu vaccine next year I was actually due to get it the week I caught flu so il organise it for earlier next year. Like I said it was a horrible illness.

This