My husband being ill makes me want a divorce

[Yoyomelon]

Me and my DH are married 10 years and have 2 young kids. 3 weeks ago my daughter got ill with flu and we all ended up catching it. It was a horrible illness aches/pains high temp for a week and a lingering cough and stuffiness that I still have 3 weeks later. My husband caught it a week after us (mainly because i was taking care of the sick children during the night while he chose to just not get up and help), when I had it I just kept doing everything I needed to do because there was no other option I can't just not take care of my kids because I'm unwell, but since he got ill he has basically taken to the bed the last 2 weeks. We both work full time I took one day off sick as I had a fever and kids were off sick from school so didnt have childcare, but apart from that I continued to work. He has been off sick for over a week now but is doing nothing (this is the same every time he is ill), he is not communicating with me not interacting with the kids, not helping with any of the house stuff. Refuses to see a doctor. He doesn't have a high temp just a lingering cough and stuffed sinus (which I know is horrible) but I keep having this fantasy of being divorced where I can just be alone in the house with the kids and even though il still havebto do everything myself at least I won't have to look at him moping and being a negative energy in the house.
Im sure I sound like a heartless bitch.
Things are not great in our marriage anyway even when he is well. But I think this is just sending me over the edge.

This is the bit you need to focus on, why does he feel it's ok for him to take to his bed when ill and leave all the childcare to you, but when you are ill you still need to take care of the children. Ask him that.

Ha what a twat. Good luck for this evening OP! I would just tell him, calmly, everything you have told us, and see how he reacts.

I don't get one thing, if OP WFH then surely there is already a childcare arrangement in place. So why could OP not take time off work to recover when she was sick? I assumed from the post that OP was SAHM which would have made more sense as its unrelentless and no one to take over unless a partner takes annual leave

OP, he's a selfish loser and you married him anyway.
Big .istake.
Long term the marriage is over.
You need to make a plan carefully and get through this period until you can divorce him.
He is a selfish arsehole and they don't change.
Mind yourself.
You are not a team.
You are the family workhorse.
Talk to your family and friends so you have support.
Ignore his sulking.

My mam minds the kids 3 days a week and i didnt want her to catch it but she ended up getting it anyway unfortunately though luckily she wasn't too sick.

I pay her to mind the kids obviously (in case I get crap for taking advantage of my mam)

2 weeks is ridiculous and everyone on here knows it

I wouldn't and couldn't stand for that. We've had a stomach bug in the house this week, got me and the young DC. DH juggled WFH and looking after us all. I do the same when he's out. Marriage is meant to be teamwork.

Why don't you ask for help when you're ill?

But yes, 2 weeks is a joke unless he's properly ill.

Karma, lets see what happens when your ill… you have enough time to write n here….

Look at it as a sign of your strength and resilience. Or divorce him as well.

I think it depends on the illness. Since having kids I now categories illness into "functioning" ones (head cold, cough, bunged up etc) and "non functioning" ones (body aches, fever, fatigue not improved by drugs).

If you've got the latter then it's fine to stay in bed until the fever improves. I'm a SAHM and if I get one of the non functioning ones and I can't get someone to look after the children, I tell my husband he needs to call in and take the day off work work because I physically can't look after the children, I'm that unwell.

My husband hardly ever gets properly ill but we did once both get the flu and he got it way worse than me. Plus I think COVID taught everyone that people can experience the same illness to a different severity. Having said that my husband pulls his weight so I wouldn't doubt any need he says he has to rest in bed.

This.

I was with someone like this only for 6 years but omg he absolutely drove me to irritation it's like he loved being full of cold .moaning and groaning oh I'm not well constantly down my ear i understand how your feeling maybe tell him you don't see where your marriage is going you might as well go it alone sew what his reactions are.
I'm single now grown up kids my own house I'm.not against finding a happy relationship but the thought of 24/7 with someone in these situations I know I couldn't do it .

My ex was like this.

you will note the important word as “ex”

Not the norm here. 2 weeks?! He is royally taking the piss. I don't think I've ever taken more than two days in a row off work in my life (I'm mid 50s). Neither has dh.

And the hunched shuffle accompanied with the phrase 'i don't feel good'.
DW just tells me 'thers nithin wrang wi ye'
Said in Ne Scottish accent.

My DH would never take to his bed ill like that, I have to talk him into having a day off work if he is sick. Your DH sound utterly pathetic. And selfish, he obviously doesn't think you deserve the same consideration as him when you have the exact same illness. I'd want to divorce him too.

There was, years ago, a really funny thread on this. The OP talked about her dh ‘donning the dressing gown of doom’ and walking around in a pained manner with tiny T Rex arms. It was hilarious as it rang so true

Oh and asking you to bring him food to his sickbed, while you are managing everything alone...like he is the sick King summoning his servant. I'd be fuming.

My (late) DH was just the same. Although he would call my mum to come and take over when my children were small. It’s infuriating!

Eh? The OP was ill.

What you on about??

I am sprry OP. This happens to me too, easier now the smalls are bigger but when I had 3 under 4 one Christmas we had a very difficult house guest MIL for 4 nights and we all felt rough.
Hubby dropped her gome and went to bed for a week. I was so livid one bight I sent him a very honest text- I had to break into his phone and delete it as it wpild have caused huge ructions.
I did confess a couple of years later and he has been better helping out.
Sending healing vibes. Xx

Yup, like anyone with flu could actually want ‘sausages and eggs’ (what he asked for). It’s a bit of a giveaway.

No, you don't sound heartless at all. I often find that I'm really irritable at the weekend because I'm having to do everything and my DP is home and if he would pick up something, anything, to do with getting us all ready and out of the house without me having to ask him, it would be completely different.
When it is just me and our daughter on Mondays I have to do everything but it's absolutely fine, because I'm not also managing the frustration and disappointment of hoping for unprompted help with anything toddler oriented that so rarely comes.