I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

I am skinny and quite good looking but this is the way I’d think/talk about my body, life and opportunities in times when I’ve been depressed.

I sometimes fall into this “all/nothing” thinking and “worst case scenario/doomed” mindset. What I mean is I might say, I dislike these things about my appearance therefore I’m UTTERLY ugly and will NEVER attract anyone. My job is not top tier thus it’s Totally unimportant. There are lots of false deductions here.

This is why therapy is not a ridiculous idea. Nor a waste of anyone’s time. You matter and your well-being matters. You will find that these somewhat unimportant details like not liking your hair points to larger patterns of thinking that is keeping you in a cycle of negative thinking and depression. You’re loosing hope about life and your future. That being said, I never found a great therapist and had to figure things out bit by bit.

Also, I am good looking but I wasn’t ever asked on a date until I was about 24, never had a boyfriend either. Partially guys are just really lame nowadays and don’t formally ask you out. Also, I was probably too deep in my self pity bubble to notice any attention. At 26 I felt it would never happen and I had a really bad relationship where I compromised my integrity in a wish to feel loved. Statistically people marry and have kids late so don’t think you’re behind. I married at 28 and soon have 3 kids at 37. So a lot can change in just a few years for you.

Finalky, I wish you were my friend so you could help me bake this weekend. I have a thanksgiving party coming up and I’m terrified because I’ve never made pumpkin pie before.

Op, you just sound…um..,ordinary. Like everybody else. I understand that your generation are under a lot of pressure to look like drag queens. You could do face contouring and wear very long false eyelashes like others do but it doesn’t sound like your style.

I really doubt that a 150lb weight loss isn’t noticeable.

The baking sounds great but can be isolating and dangerous if you eat what you bake all on your own.

There are so many people in your predicament who also have very low self esteem. There will be one such person at every single social gathering you go to. If you look around while you are out you will find that person. Because you know what it feels like to be uncomfortable I. Those events you can go up to them and make them feel better about themself - and may end up making a friend. Give it a go.

HI @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers your posts about yourself feel honest, but you minimise the +ves about yourself.

You have great academic achievements, yet refer to yourself like you're an average Jo. You are not.

You say you have no skills but have changed career because you knew you'd chosen the wrong thing to do - you're 26yo. Most people don't do this during their lifetime!

You say you have no skills, but that you can bake - do I wish I could - and it's a great skill. Other than bringing food into work, could you use it to create a side hissle - making pastries/pies/quiche/cakes/cream teas/speciality breads or whatever you think you're best creations are? It would help you meet more people and/or fund invisaligns.

You say you have a big nose. Go get some make up lessons to mask the features you dislike and accentuate those you or others like. Have you seen make up less famous people? Few are attractive!

You persevered and lost a lot of weight (well done) but you look the same as you did before. But you don't look the same, I promise you. Stop hiding behind baggy shapeless clothes. Book a appointment with a stylist at John Lewis ask for help to pick a capsule wardrobe. They will help you choose the right shape for you and if you don't like anything (or it's too pricey) it'll have given you good ideas about what types of clothes to buy.

There really are few people who are truly ugly. If we think we're unattractive, then we are unattractive, so we have to bend our mind to help us. Tell yourself you are pretty. Pick out specific features you have that are good, checks, lips, eyes, ears etc and complement yourself.

Please show your teeth when you smile, if you don't you may cause your face to contort.

Ref your hair, mine isn't quite like baby hair but since I had a hysterectomy it's gone very fine so is fly away. I use Wow to condition my hair and stop it flying away. I use Charles Worthington thickening products to add weight to it. But like you I find extensions do the trick. So, if you can't beat em join em and accept that.

My niece told me she'd never meet anyone. She thought she was uy. But she was beautiful inside and wasn't ugly outside by a long shot. I told her she would and he'd be there soon and he was. Happily married with a DD and she still remembers it was me who helped her think differently.

Keep your chin up.

You owe noone anything but you owe yourself everything. Believe 😘👊

Seems like you are trapped in a cycle of negative thinking.. you are getting lots of helpful supportive posts but slamming them down with the same ‘I’m no good’ replies

Dare I suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself

There is something to be said about attractiveness vs beauty. I went to see a musical recenty and the leading man was not handsome, but the way he sang and acted he was very attractive.

I agree with others and there is work to be done on how you feel about yourself. If you don't like yourself, you won't look after yourself and then you end up hating your self even more.

I found working with self compassionate exercises have really helped me become alot less judgemental about myself. They sound really stupid at the beginning but they help stop the bad feelings which breakes that cycle.

Your body does incredible things to keep you alive, its an amazing thing to own.

Here’s my truth, @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers
I was a national beauty queen (back when those meant something). I’m kind and funny and charming to go along with my face.
Are you with me so far?
I’m also just a girl like you, who looks in the mirror and sees every flaw and wrinkle and grey hair and imperfection.
Every girl is like us.
I met a charming man, a Navy pilot. He’d been married twice before, but I didn’t let that stop me. I married the “Naval Avaitor” and didn’t think much about the man.
So our first two years were good - he was at home and we were happy. But then he got out of the Navy and found a job flying for an airline in another state - but he insisted that I stay home and keep the home fires burning.
That went on for quite awhile and he came home less and less - but he told me he was working. I believed him. I was foolish.
Out of the blue, he called and told me he wanted a divorce, but that he wanted to keep things as they were.
Now, I’m not stupid. I figured there was a woman, and I wasn’t going to be humiliated.
So I filed for divorce.
It infuriated him - he kept me in court to the tune of $85,000 in 1993. That’s $190,575 in 2025 in attorneys fees.
It turns out he didn’t just have a woman - he had a toddler as well.
What I’m trying in probably a lousy way to say is, you can be a beauty queen and STILL a man will treat you like shit.
I’ve been single - and extremely happy - since 1993.
A man can’t make you happy. A man can’t complete you. You have to do that on your own.
Sending love from California ❤️

You are well above average academically.
You have a high capacity for workload if you did all that AND worked AND handled MH problems.
You are persistent - see weight loss, and a department store stylist can help with clothes to flatter your new shape
You are kind - see attitude to parents.
You are fit - see hiking and gym.
You bake - what's not to like!
You have straight hair naturally - mine is also fine and a frizzy rat nest. Give me straight any day.
You have teeth that weren't bad enough to qualify for NHS braces so cannot be that bad, and can still be sorted. As could your nose. My eyes are at different levels, can't fix that!

You sound bloody amazing to me. And still only 26.
Get yourself off social media and the illusion of perfection it is creating in your mind. Looks fade, personality grows, so focus on that.
I started traveling solo at around your age, it forced me to get myself out there and start seeing the world, even if you start small with a weekend in UK. Join a hiking group, sign up for GBBO, try anything new and see what sticks. You will find your tribe, and maybe within that tribe, a partner. But by then, the goal is for your life to be so full, that you don't care either way if you do or don't.

Go into town and look at everyone properly. Look at the couples and families. The streets are filled with perfectly average people.

Also, plenty of real life men like big girls.

You need to work on your charm.

"Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful." - Kathleen Winsor

You just have to spend half an hour at a weekend in any High St shop or restaurant to know that good looks and/or a shapely figure are not required to snag a partner. Or in any public space at any time of day or night.

Your posts scream a lack of self esteem and self worth. You could look like Grace Kelly and have the body of a Miss Universe (and for all we know, you do) but the self hatred is going to sabotage anyone who tries to approach you.

It sounds like throughout your life you've been bullied and convinced into thinking you are worthless. Please consider some counselling so someone can look at you objectively, get to know you and reflect a more realistic view of you. You absolutely deserve that.

I think the pressure on young people these days to look a certain way thats deemed acceptable by social media standards is just awful. Op you sound very self critical and I bet you’re a lot lovelier looking than you think. Having a partner isn’t going to help if you don’t even value yourself. Keep going with the healthy stuff. You sound like a sound person, give yourself a break.

In my area you can self-refer for NHS counselling without needing to see a GP, and you can even do the sessions on zoom if you prefer. I really think you should try that, OP. The best way to find a partner is to learn to appreciate yourself so you know that you do, in fact, have plenty to offer.

The other thing I would recommend is to find somewhere with a personal shopping service where you don’t have to commit to buying anything. Let the dress you in clothes that look fabulous to show you what you really do look like now.

Yes, you absolutely should. These kind of issues need dealing with now before they get any more serious. They will take you very seriously if you explain the sort of things you have talked about on this thread about how you think of yourself.

Well, lucky you, plastic and extreme makeover exists. There's people who transform their appearance 100% to look like celebrities. So, an ugly person nowadays can become prettier or average at least.

Please don't put yourself down like this.

You definitely need to speak to a therapist. The way you talk about yourself is very concerning. Sounds like you have body dismorphia, especially considering that you don't think you look any different with a 150 weight loss. That's a huge loss.
I can also assure you that nobody is laughing at you in the gym. That's a symptom of your depression and anxiety. Trust me I know. I've dealt with body dismorphia most of my life, and despite the fact that I have a healthy BMI I still sometimes feel way to big. Someone a size 16 is not going to draw any attention. That size is pretty normal.

Agree with others about manifesting, researching positive self esteem and just visualise the new you - keep going at the gym and don’t listen to your inner voice telling you anyone’s laughing at you. They absolutely are not, they are probably too focused on themselves and their own anxieties!! Or they’ll be impressed at your focus.
Theres great hair advice above. I say get yourself braces - the power of a confident smile to change your mood and your look is overwhelming. You can get Invisalign or similar non branded versions for not too much money and straight teeth are healthier and will transform you. It’s a lot of work to keep clean etc but absolutely worth it.
Also your job - you’re taking for granted your ability to study, qualify and just turn up and deliver at work day after day. You need to recognise this as the achievement that it is - people like you are why the entire country stood banging saucepans in Covid! You’re fantastic and need to realise it - when you’re helping people take more notice of their gratitude or even the multitude of ways you make them healthier and happier. You contribute so much, you need to be kind to yourself.
Lastly do you have friends? Look up chatty cafe or lovely ladies meet-ups - loads of place to meet welcoming, friendly, positive people who will give you a fresh perspective on life - you need to stop listening to your inner whiner and listen to people who lift you up!
Give your teeth and your mindset a makeover, zhuzh your hair and carry on at the gym and you’ll be unstoppable!

Sorry to hear you feel this way
I have never liked the way I look (I’m in my 50s now) - was bullied for it in school which made me feel even worse. I thought I’d never meet anyone.

However, I met DH when I was 22 and we’ve been together for over 30 years.

I have known some less than average looking people marry and some better looking struggle to find a partner. A lot of the time it’s self confidence or just plain luck.

Having said all that, being attached isn’t the be all and end all. If you go out and try and even fake confidence it will help. it def worked for me.

For your hair - wear a wig. Honestly, there are really nice natural ones you can buy.

I’m sure you have a glow to you that you’re not seeing because of how much you’re focusing on your perceived faults.

Of course, I dwell too — I have fine hair, so I wear it in a bob with side bangs. When it’s curly, it looks fuller. A lot of products weigh it down, so I just wash it and comb it upside down when it’s wet. I throw on sunglasses for bad hair days. Personally, I don’t do extensions because I know it would affect my self-esteem.

Also, I have pale legs where my veins show through, so I tend to wear long dresses and pants. These tricks help me a lot. When I was a child, a classmate asked me, “Why do you even try?” I try because I matter. You matter too.

Like previous posters, I think therapy is the true way. There are of course little things we can do to feel more beautiful — wear gorgeous scarves, perfumes, sparkles, etc. But there comes a point where we have to accept ourselves and all our differences or else we end up crumbling beneath the what-ifs. Even the most beautiful models can be crippled by insecurity. Beauty alone will never be enough and life is too short to compare ourselves to perfection.

Many of the people I find most attractive are not perfect physically speaking, but they carry themselves in a way that is captivating. They have a sensuousness and a self-confidence that defies the physical realm.

Despite my imperfect legs and my fine hair, I feel like I’m soaring on sunny days where I’m running around in a pretty dress. That kind of joy is unbeatable and people often take notice.

My best friend is a therapist and she told me to put a photo of myself as a child next to the mirror so I can see who I’m “talking to” when I’m obsessing about my flaws. You know the saying treats others how you want to be treated? The same applies in reverse. Treat yourself how you would treat others.

As for dating, self-confidence is required. Otherwise, predators descend.

Please be kind to yourself and please share these thoughts with a therapist — you are not alone ❤️

Just a tip to give you a boost.
Look at where you were 1 year ago or more and how far you’ve come.
secondly, look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful and worthy of love and love is coming into your life. Say it every day, multiple times. It feels strange and a little emotional at first but you get used to it. It’s not woo - this genuinely works. Neuroplasticity.

Start weightlifting. Not the womany/girly little weights. Big proper heavy ones. Get a PT for a couple of sessions if you can possibly stretch to it to show you form. Or just ask someone doing heavy lifts at the gym. They will almost certainly be happy to show you.

Forget about how you look. Focus on what you can do.

While you are working on getting a goddess body which can do anything. Start saving any money you can squirrel away for your teeth and see if you can sort those out.

You probably look fine by the way. They problem will be in your head, not on it.

There is no point telling you to love yourself as you clearly are very unhappy with your appearance. So fix it. Keep on with the weight loss - you’ve done really well so far. Buy a good hairdryer and learn how to style your hair. I have lots of very fine hair and I wash and blow dry it daily. If I don’t it looks hilarious. Get a good haircut and ask your hairdresser to show you how to blow dry properly. Get your teeth fixed - that’s your responsibility not your parents’. Go see an orthodontist and get a quote and figure out how to pay for it. You are employed and have no dependents so you should be able to fit it into your budget if you prioritize it. Use the gym subscription money towards this and take up walking or some other free exercise. If you start to feel better about yourself you might find that you enjoy your job more, and even if not, you’ll have more confidence to look for a new role. Good luck 💐

I’ve got a kid so I meet a lot of parents, trust me many people have managed to procreate without being obviously beautiful (including me and DH). I got married, I have a big nose, small eyes, crooked teeth and am pretty much always overweight. I have no special talents or skills, I’m also an introvert. Most of us are utterly average.

I wouldn’t take on-line dating as a signifier of your worth, it sounds like a shitshow for the vast majority of women, just go on the threads about OLD here and you will see how awful it is for a lot of women, many men behave appallingly to all sorts of women. There are women in my family who haven’t managed to find anyone, all attractive (I’m not being kind, they are objectively attractive) petite to normal weight, intelligent, good careers and still single. Trust me, it’s hard fullstop to date these days, for everyone.

You wouldn’t have had braces because your teeth aren’t that bad (happened to me and at the time I really didn’t want braces). I’m in my 40’s and I’m thinking of just getting Invisalign and just paying monthly to fix a crooked tooth. The reality if you weren’t offered braces then your teeth aren’t probably quite normal. You’ve lost loads of weight and thats amazing, I bet you feel physically a lot better. For the hair you can get fibres you can comb through your hair to thicken it but honestly it’s probably just like your teeth, a lot more normal than you think. Your low confidence is feeding into negative beliefs about yourself. Try mindfulness, try to appreciate just being in the moment and enjoy now instead of worrying about what you have no control over.

Everyone wants to feel loved and like someone thinks they are beautiful so I’m not going to tell you that it’s odd to feel sad to not have had a romantic relationship, because it’s not. But while you are waiting for that to happen there is no reason for you not to enjoy the life you have instead of mourning the one you wish for. Get out there and live your life, beating yourself up for not being “enough” will do nothing to improve your life. Don’t accept a small life, you are 26, you have a long way to go, this is just the beginning not the end.

Why not look for a job in law? Something like the Crown Prosecution Service might interest you. Would probably pay more than the NHS job you’re in at the moment.

You absolutely should go to therapy. What if I told you this has nothing to do with the way you look op? Please go - it’s free of charge if you ask the GP. Six seasons with a therapist and tell them what you have said to us. You have chronically low self esteem and sound depressed.

From what I have read you are:

Fiercely Intelligent - anyone studying law always is

Self aware enough to know you were in the wrong career very early on, and had the confidence to switch early

Character and depth

Lost a huge amount of weight and can stick to goals and aims.

Articulate and well educated

Those qualities are extremely valuable op.

The reason you look the same even though you have lost a lot of weight is because you are still dressing the same. Choose a kind personal shopper to offer you some advice and guidance.