AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

If I understand correctly:

1. you didn’t fancy it
2. you haven’t said anything untoward
3. they sound like attention-seekers to not invite all, then post pics on class whatsapp
4. school’s usually have policies about what parent channels are used for - getting smashed on friday night and posting your socials isn’t one of its intended purposes

I wouldn’t give it another thought.

That’s because there is nothing to see.

I was just about to write from the other perspective too! I was exactly the same.

The class mums WhatsApp group had 30 members, if we were organising a night out we’d ask for interest in the big group then set up a smaller group for those interested so as not to bore the others with the details. That is probably what these mums have done and accidentally not included your friend.

It’s a pain in the arse organising these things if you get people dithering or not replying, it’s better to have a group of those you know will come. Not saying your friend did this, just giving another reason for having a smaller group.

Eventually we had a permanent smaller group for the mums who went out together so maybe we were cliquey. No one ever sent us weird messages like you were planning to OP. Seriously! Do NOT send that bus throwing message!

How stunning 🙄 this really is all in your head op. Go and get some fresh air, no need for “updates”.

This OP 😂. In the nicest possible way, you are being completely paranoid. Clearly something happened between the mums at the event or before it or after it, and there was some other WhatsApp drama but your comment was ignored as it was a) innocent and b) had nothing do with the real drama. I agree with another poster, be happy to sit back with some popcorn, do not get involved, and watch any drama unfold!

There's nothing to update.

Nothing has happened.

You sound annoyed that there's been no drama.

I understand why this might feel awkward op, but I really think there is nothing to worry about.

Your friend has stuck her neck out to say she feels she wasn't included appropriately - and to be honest it sounds as though that might be the case if, as you say, she had asked and not got a further response.

But you didn't ask to be included, didn't want to be, and didn't say anything at all outspoken. You don't need to feel guilty about what your friend said - and many people think well done to her anyway.

I do sympathise that you feel anxious about it all but just Keep Calm and Carry On! That's all that's required here.

DON'T message everyone saying you disagree with your friend. That will alienate you from everyone and WILL send the (currently barely existent) "drama" stratospheric! It would put you bang-smack in the middle of something you currently don't really even feature in.

Very strange. I am not so sure this group of mums are very close anymore but I maybe wrong.

I believe there kids have all know gone there separate ways and made new friends in secondary. The mum very much drove this friendship between them and one poor lad always looked miserable and left out. He was a nice lad but the rest of the group were nasty bullies and made fun of him to.

You're not involved at all

Just relax. Focus on your own life and don’t give it a second thought at all

There's nothing to update. There was no drama apart from in your head.
You really need to let this one go and learn to be less sensitive to things that have literally no importance whatsoever.

If you want to go on a future night out you go. If you don't want to go you don't.

😲😲 thats not nice ... just goes to show how universal this issue is and to all those saying op is over thinking it.. maybe she aint. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

If it was talked about in the playground as an idea but not finalised on the main chat (clearly organised on a separate chat), then to post all the pictures and comments on the main chat is wanky behaviour.

Smacks of rubbing it in the faces of the other mums that would have liked to attend that they weren't popular enough to make the cut. "Look at us on our night out that you weren't included on, read our comments about what a fab time we all had, that you weren't included on"

They should have kept it on their separate chat. Good on your mate I say. These women aren't "main mums" stop giving them power.

I am very glad to have seen the updates, as I genuinely thought at this point that this thread was a wind up.

Good on your friend for calling out the exclusionary and cliquey behaviour, and poor form to you for initially planning to explicitly distance yourself from her message in order to suck up to these arseholes.

I understand your concern about your child being excluded from future events, but if you have to guarantee his involvement not just by tolerating mean girl behaviour but by sending obsequious messages, I'm not sure you'll be sending him the right learning lesson.

It was horrible and unfortunately I think its a fairly common problem though was certainly more extreme in my oldest child's school. He went to a different secondary to this group and getting away from all the bullying and drama was by far the best thing that happened for both of us.

This is why I stood alone and nobody came near the scary goth mummy anyway 😂

Why?

I know, right. Would love to know more. And how can a school tell adults who they can message anyway.

Do you know what annoys me about some of these posts, OP you are saying these mums organise lots of events so it’s best to keep in with them and your friend made a passive aggressive comment. Do you or your friend organise nights out or events for the kids? These mums will put a lot of effort into organising and yes it’s not great to feel excluded but buck up and take the lead instead of all mums seemingly relying on these four ‘main’ mums to sort out their and the kids social schedule!

Why does her sarcasm affect you, though? Surely any 'drama' is between your friend and them, and nothing to do with you?

This all sounds incredibly petty.

😮

It sounds as though some of the parents are more childish than some of the pupils.

I really don't get how people get so embroiled in this sort of thing, tbh.

EXACTLY!!

I am this mum, and I would hate to be labelled a mean mum because other people are martyrs and can't organise a single event.

Updated on what? It's a non-event.

The Four Horsemums of the Apocalypse don't owe your friend a social life. She can organise something herself if she's that bothered.

But it was your friend who made this comment? So who cares what anyone thinks as it’s not your issue? Sorry but I think you are reading far too much into this!