Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

[Delphinium20]

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

THIS!!!

I am not actually seething, just so waiting for the ball to drop and hope a lesson is learned. Like Malcolm in the Middle's mother...

I know you tell us otherwise but I can’t help hoping they're taking you out for a surprise and they’ve got you here!

By about 5pm I'd probably start playing happy birthday repeatedly on my phone until someone cottoned on....

I don't really think I'm like that w/ my kids. I almost always do the 'hey, it's my bday on x day...maybe we can do x" This year, I started to get the sense last week no one was planning anything, so I decided to wait them out and not be the one who always fucking plans everything.

I understand your silence OP, but I would urge you to royally pissed off when they do realise. When they all start telling you how bad they feel, don't be the "it's fine" martyr. Tell them "yes you should feel bad. It made me really sad, so the lesson is stop relying on me to remind you all of everything."

Or however you would say it.

If they have truly forgotten, something good needs ot come out of it.

It doesn’t come across that you are seething. More an interesting experiment as to what happens when you don’t remind people of stuff. All the people you mentioned are adults and will probably be mortified once they realise. I would take it all in good humour and not hold a grudge only if they (by they I mean especially your dh) don’t turn it back on you and that they learn from this.

Oh, happy birthday Wierd! and I LOVE your username.

Twins!!!

It’s about 4pm I guess where you are … why are you being such a mug?

I'm in awe at how well you are holding it together. Noone gets a chance to forget my birthday cos I've already planned what DH and I are doing if I fancy a weekend away, then what we are doing with DD afterwards if it's a grown-ups weekend. Even just dinner on my actual birthday I've told them where I'd like to go / what I would like cooked at home. Presents - they are pretty good at sorting those themselves.

Well, I’m invested now. Happy birthday 🥳 @Delphinium20

Yes but usually in the context of other people asking “ what would you like to do for your birthday this year”?

My 80 year old mum remembers everyone’s birthdays, my stupidly busy brother will phone me on mine even if we haven’t exchanged gifts in years.

I can’t even imagine my kids or husband not having a clue.

Yes - it won’t be your job to make them feel better for forgetting. So if they say ‘oh I feel awful’ you can reply yes I imagine you do, I would too if I forgot your birthday.

We make a big deal of birthdays in our house, in the run up and on the day, there's no way they are forgotten, and no-one keeps silent

My heart is big for you. I'm so sorry. And how bittersweet for your sister.

Are you going to meet MIL?

I think you are going to have to tell him. The ball isn't going to drop.

Oh, I've been sending individual thank-yous using the react button. Sorry, here's a big collective thank you to everyone on here.

Happy Birthday @Delphinium20

I hope, when they all realise they’ve been utterly thoughtless, they make it up to you.

If you’re going with this approach then I think it’s better to carry it through until the end of the day and then just as you are both going to sleep mention it or even wait until tomorrow.

I agree with this. They are kind and loving to me in general. Out to book shopping just now w/ DD2 she was cute and told me my hair was nice. It's the cluelessness and dependency I need to break.

Happy birthday Delphinium

I agree, in fact I don't think you should ever tell them. It might take a week or more. At some point the thought will cross somebody’s mind that Christmas is coming and so Delphinium’s birthday must be soon… oh crap!

Happy Birthday!!! 🥳

Omg, 55 could absolutely be considered a milestone bday! It is, in my book. I wish you every happiness and joy on this day and for the rest of the year. I would give it until noon, then I'd be gutted if there were no mentions. And DH - well shit, he should have wished you well first thing in the morning! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎈🎉

I think this makes sense.

Also, I don't want to make a scene in front of MIL as her condition is one of slow deterioration and I'm not sure how she's truly doing today and don't want to cause her emotional pain or mental worry (losing memory is part of the condition).