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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
Burlingtonbertha · 23/11/2025 21:19

I think this is brilliant entertainment OP! My sister would never forget but everyone else would. I’m not fussed about birthdays and would find the forgetting hilarious!

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:19

I think I will meet MIL because 1. I'm damn hungry and 2. I don't want to make her suffer as she very well may be getting to the point where her memory is lapsing.

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 23/11/2025 21:19

Happy birthday x

Burlingtonbertha · 23/11/2025 21:20

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:19

I think I will meet MIL because 1. I'm damn hungry and 2. I don't want to make her suffer as she very well may be getting to the point where her memory is lapsing.

And bc at least you’ll not have to cook dinner on your birthday!

WearyAuldWumman · 23/11/2025 21:20

You're a better woman than I am, @OP. Hope you had a lovely time at the bookshop.

openthewindoweveryday · 23/11/2025 21:20

Happy birthday OP Flowers

canklesmctacotits · 23/11/2025 21:21

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 20:57

I just said, „oh, we celebrating anything?“ and he sounded legit confused and said „uh, no. My mom just wants to see us“

will you MIL have remembered and booked this dinner (I assume?) because she knows her son is useless?

ETA: sorry, just seen your update. Sorry to hear this. It’s nice you’re going out with her.

I agree with PPs and your own assessment: don’t say anything today. Tell them tomorrow with a “I just wanted to see if any of you were able to use your own brains inside your own heads, rather than rely on mine” (which I often tell my young DS to do; the others have learned now).

SunnyDolly · 23/11/2025 21:25

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:19

I think I will meet MIL because 1. I'm damn hungry and 2. I don't want to make her suffer as she very well may be getting to the point where her memory is lapsing.

Go. And when your server asks ‘are we celebrating anything today?’ say ‘well, it’s my birthday’ and please film your husbands reaction at the table. Order the most expensive bottle of wine.

Happy birthday!

RollerSkateLikePeggy · 23/11/2025 21:25

Happy birthday @Delphinium20 🎂🍾

Tonkerbea · 23/11/2025 21:26

Happy birthday @Delphinium20

I hope your family make it up to you, you sound lovely and more than deserving of nice things on your special day

PickleRickChick · 23/11/2025 21:26

WildLeader · 23/11/2025 17:11

This smacks of someone who has put everyone else first her entire life, not made a fuss etc etc

look where it’s got you. You’re not even on the list of priorities of anyone else.

stop expecting people to step up when you’ve never made yourself a priority

TELL them, for my birthday on Sunday 23rd I want to go to lunch/brunch/dinner, or fuck!, book it and tell them all that’s what I’m doing.

stop devaluing yourself love and make sure others value you in the way you value them.

Or don't tell them anything at all. I would get my hair/nails/whatever done, book in at the best restaurant in town and have a solo meal. Or, book a day at a spa - full service. Whatever I needed to pamper myself bc, obvs, no one else is going to do it! God, this twists my tits!

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:27

DH called MIL earlier today, it appears, to ask to see her as they'd been chatting and hadn't seen one another for two weeks as DH and I were traveling out of town both for my work and also to deal w/ his uncle's estate (same city, so we were able to combine a trip). So, DH did set up this dinner to hang out w/ MIL, which is a nice thing for a son to do . . . but seriously, he's competent and old enough and we've been married for long enough (two decades) for him to remember this . . .

OP posts:
Brefugee · 23/11/2025 21:27

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:00

THIS!!!

I am not actually seething, just so waiting for the ball to drop and hope a lesson is learned. Like Malcolm in the Middle's mother...

Lois? She would have had them all in stress positions by now

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:31

I'm just in awe at how long this has gone on today, even after asking DH, "are we celebrating?" and even after saying to DD at bookstore, "I should get myself a little gift."

DF is currently napping, so we'll see what happens when he awakes.

They are still, however, in the running as DD1, 2 Dsis and BILs and ALL the friends are still in the race.

Maybe I should introduce my aunt and the hot dentist: two excellent souls who deserve a good time. DN is getting an extra candy in her stocking ....

OP posts:
diddl · 23/11/2025 21:31

So is this the first year that you haven't reminded them that your bday was approaching?

Happyjoe · 23/11/2025 21:33

diddl · 23/11/2025 21:31

So is this the first year that you haven't reminded them that your bday was approaching?

Should she have to remind them at all? I always knew when my families birthdays are without being reminded. :-)

Namechangerage · 23/11/2025 21:41

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:31

I'm just in awe at how long this has gone on today, even after asking DH, "are we celebrating?" and even after saying to DD at bookstore, "I should get myself a little gift."

DF is currently napping, so we'll see what happens when he awakes.

They are still, however, in the running as DD1, 2 Dsis and BILs and ALL the friends are still in the race.

Maybe I should introduce my aunt and the hot dentist: two excellent souls who deserve a good time. DN is getting an extra candy in her stocking ....

Nope, sorry op. You’re being way too nice about this! Get angry!

Don't remind them at this late stage of the day. But all hell would break loose tomorrow (with the exception of those with health issues, and children who would just get a serious chat). But adults and in particular your life partner?! Hell no. He’d be up shit creek without a paddle.

BackToRealitySigh · 23/11/2025 21:43

Happy Birthday OP

Do you use social media at all? A nice thank you for all the birthday wishes i've been book shopping and out for Sunday lunch should do the trick....

I think you are remarkably stoic about it, I'd be fuming. Who will have the most creative/elaborate reason for forgetting or the best apology once they realise??

ChillWith · 23/11/2025 21:43

Dear @Delphinium20 firstly, happy birthday! Secondly, I feel really sad for you that your family haven't remembered your birthday. I downplay mine - hate the attention - but I would be upset if it were ignored by my nearest and dearest. I hope you read them the riot act tomorrow. You deserve so much better. Maybe accidentally forget everyone else's birthday for the next 12 months. See how they feel.

NewAgeNewMe · 23/11/2025 21:43

Tbh
I would at one minute past midnight send everyone a WhatsApp/message telling them they made me feel hurt/angry/amusednot that they had forgotten my birthday. But I can be passive aggressive when I want to be.

Welikebeingcosy · 23/11/2025 21:44

My most recent birthday I only got one card and it was a handmade card from my 6 year old. She couldn't stop asking when my birthday was and counting down the days...I got three late cards a few days later from three relatives out of a whole bunch of them. It was such a sucky day that I decided to just make it into a day for my daughter and do things she wanted to do.
Happy birthday by the way!

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:44

Oh, DF just woke up, came to me and said happy birthday and told me sweet stories of DM. I'm so crying.

OP posts:
diddl · 23/11/2025 21:45

Happyjoe · 23/11/2025 21:33

Should she have to remind them at all? I always knew when my families birthdays are without being reminded. :-)

Edited

Of course she shouldn't.

But I'm wondering why they don't seem to know & all I can think of is that they've never had to.

Heylittlesongbird · 23/11/2025 21:45

I’m really hoping MiL gives you a card and gift in front of your husband.

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/11/2025 21:46

Happy birthday. I would be absolutely fuming at my dp if he had forgotten like this. I don't know how you've kept it in all day.