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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
NewAgeNewMe · 23/11/2025 20:22
Happy Birthday Party GIF

Wishing you a

Wonderlandpeony · 23/11/2025 20:22

Have you put the card up from DA and is it within their sight?

NewAgeNewMe · 23/11/2025 20:25

I’ll not forget how hurt my mum was one year when the Mother’s Day flowers didn’t arrive till about 5pm. I was torn between telling her we hadn’t forgotten, but also not wanting to spoil the surprise. Forgetting is really taking you for granted.

SapphireSeptember · 23/11/2025 20:40

@Delphinium20 Happy Birthday! I hope you're now doing something lovely for yourself. ❤️

Paulsmam · 23/11/2025 20:46

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ParmaVioletTea · 23/11/2025 20:47

Borgonzola · 23/11/2025 19:48

The book title comes from the poem the PP quotes

Well, yes of course. It’s a Yeats poem, anyone would know that, but the “book” is the novel by Igbo writer Achebe.

Happyjoe · 23/11/2025 20:48

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:24

I feel like I just can't...it's like a lesson they need to learn, that they can't count on me to remind them of EVERYTHING.

Quite agree, plus telling them takes the shine off the wishes somewhat I would think?

Happyjoe · 23/11/2025 20:49

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I had thanks from the OP.

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/11/2025 20:49

Why haven’t you taken yourself out??? I feel like shouting! Go, have a nice coffee, wander, bookshop browse, lunch, whatever takes your fancy!! You’re obviously not planning on cooking dinner… right??

Izzywizzy85 · 23/11/2025 20:50

Happyjoe · 23/11/2025 20:49

I had thanks from the OP.

Edited

Me too

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 23/11/2025 20:52

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:32

I'm pretty doubtful. DH was far too casual and he can't keep a secret.

Put the card up from your aunt in front of your husband.

Id be bloody livid!! That said I do talk about my birthday and what I would like to do. Probably I don’t give them chance to forget.

IAmKerplunk · 23/11/2025 20:52

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🤣🤣 this response is hilarious! As in batshit crazy! Hope Paul runs fast and runs quickly from his mam 🤣

Happy Birthday OP! Don’t remind others of birthdays in the future. You haven’t asked a lot - just a simple acknowledgment

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/11/2025 20:53

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Wow really😆😆😆😆

Bobiverse · 23/11/2025 20:54

Have you gone out to do something nice for yourself at least?

I think tomorrow, you need to have a chat with your husband about what you actually mean to him, and why it’s important he shows that by remembering things about you and for you, since you do this for everyone else and make sure he always has what he needs. There really is no excuse for what he has done.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 20:55

Update: went to bookstore with DD2 and had nice time. I bought myself a Jane Thynne book. DH announced we are going out for Sunday with MIL and, I shit you not, „would you like to come along?“

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 23/11/2025 20:56

Happy birthday op. it’s bloody awful how your immediate family are clueless. I am with you not reminding them how your keeping your cool is amazing but tomorrow morning I would say very very sarcastically well who would have known my 55th birthday would have been the worst ever one. I am going to do this to everyone from now on all birthdays are cancelled just like mine was yesterday so thank you all for everything not!

Brefugee · 23/11/2025 20:56

so, @Delphinium20 - have you told him now?

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 20:57

I just said, „oh, we celebrating anything?“ and he sounded legit confused and said „uh, no. My mom just wants to see us“

OP posts:
Bobiverse · 23/11/2025 20:57

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 20:57

I just said, „oh, we celebrating anything?“ and he sounded legit confused and said „uh, no. My mom just wants to see us“

I’m not sure what everyone else would do, but I think it’s time to tell him. Say no, as you don’t want to spend your birthday with MiL when you’d rather have a nice dinner or whatever.

Hedgehogbrown · 23/11/2025 20:58

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 19:27

I'm not actually hurt, it's more like I feel they all need to realize it on their own otherwise, it will happen again and they will count on me to organize everything all the time. Otherwise, they won't try to remember next time, they'll just think, "Oh, mom will tell us."

But most people do organise their own birthdays, and talk about their own birthdays. It's normal.

Roomforapony · 23/11/2025 20:58

Izzywizzy85 · 23/11/2025 20:50

Me too

Me three🙋🏼‍♀️

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 20:58

What do you want to do for the rest of your birthday?

TinyGingerCat · 23/11/2025 20:58

FGS stop being so passive - find your anger and lose your shit. Your DH should be ashamed of himself.

Edited to say - Happy Birthday 🥳

ParmaVioletTea · 23/11/2025 20:58

Oh @Delphinium20 you really are fab - staying so amused and amusing while your DH makes a prize fool of himself.

i hope you’re not covering up deep hurt - if so, let it out here. We’ll understand.

And happy birthday!

Roomforapony · 23/11/2025 20:59

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 20:57

I just said, „oh, we celebrating anything?“ and he sounded legit confused and said „uh, no. My mom just wants to see us“

🤦🏼‍♀️