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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
Namechangerage · 23/11/2025 19:42
Happy 55 GIF

But in the meantime…

Blizzardofleaves · 23/11/2025 19:48

Otherwise you kind of become a Martyr op, and this becomes a way of being a victim and using this as a stick to hit them with.

If they have become so dependent on your direction and instructions, then that’s partially something to do with you too op. I’m not blaming you but I do think something drastic needs to happen, because your resentment, which is entirely reasonable, will deepen over time. Your dh is particularly useless, how can he possibly forget his own wife????

Borgonzola · 23/11/2025 19:48

ParmaVioletTea · 23/11/2025 19:37

It’s a novel by Nigerian writer, China Achebe

The book title comes from the poem the PP quotes

Happilyobtuse · 23/11/2025 19:52

Happy Birthday gorgeous! Hope you have a smashing year! All the very best to you! 🎂🥂

And conveniently forget the birthday of all those who forgot your birthday! I find my mum, dad and sis are steady and never forget. Mil has also been good and so far the husband hasn’t forgotten, though we have had our ups and downs over 15 years of marriage. My kids are still young so they do remember but no idea if they will as they grow older and it is entirely up to them to keep track.

OhBobbins · 23/11/2025 19:53

Happy Birthday 💐 A big virtual hug and virtual bunch of flowers from me and lots of others here too xx

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 23/11/2025 19:57

I'm actually with you on the 'not reminding them'. I know it looks a bit martyrish when you're staying quiet and seething, but really why SHOULD you have to remind functioning humans who own phones and calendars about your birthday? Staying quiet is a way of saying 'yes, normally I act as your external brain, but today, JUST TODAY, I want to have a rest from doing that and expect you to use your internal brains, for once.'

They've had time to think about this. They should be MORTIFIED that they have forgotten.

I hope you're having as pleasant a day as possible. Go cut yourself an enormous slice of cake and eat it in front of them. Slowly. With eye contact.

FelineFeasts · 23/11/2025 19:57

Blizzardofleaves · 23/11/2025 19:48

Otherwise you kind of become a Martyr op, and this becomes a way of being a victim and using this as a stick to hit them with.

If they have become so dependent on your direction and instructions, then that’s partially something to do with you too op. I’m not blaming you but I do think something drastic needs to happen, because your resentment, which is entirely reasonable, will deepen over time. Your dh is particularly useless, how can he possibly forget his own wife????

Edited

Whenever I go to sleep the night before DP’s birthday I worry that I might forget in the morning! 😂 So I can totally imagine that. But not so far into the day, and - more importantly - I totally can’t imagine not thinking of it in the weeks and days before and asking “What would you like to do for your birthday this year?” etc.

Ohpleeeease · 23/11/2025 19:58

DH forgot my birthday once. He rang me at work mid morning and I assumed he’d remembered but no. He was mortified when I told him and did his best to make it up to me but it did hurt.

When the dust settles I think you need to tell everyone how unvalued it has made you feel and that if it ever happens again you’ll leave them to it because if they really don’t know you’re there you might as well not be. Seriously, make them feel like shit. They all deserve it.

2old4thispoo · 23/11/2025 20:00

What did you organise to do for your birthday?

Gilead · 23/11/2025 20:01

I’m asking because my mother has always set me up to fail, although it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. Are you (possibly subconsciously) doing this. Wouldn’t it be easier to say ‘it’s my birthday next week, anyone got ideas/preferences for eating out?

Happy Birthday by the way!

OhBobbins · 23/11/2025 20:01

I hope you're buying yourself something nice for your birthday. I started buying myself birthday presents a few years ago - I'm pretty sure I read that here on mumsnet and it's so freeing! 🎁

2old4thispoo · 23/11/2025 20:01

Blizzardofleaves · 23/11/2025 19:48

Otherwise you kind of become a Martyr op, and this becomes a way of being a victim and using this as a stick to hit them with.

If they have become so dependent on your direction and instructions, then that’s partially something to do with you too op. I’m not blaming you but I do think something drastic needs to happen, because your resentment, which is entirely reasonable, will deepen over time. Your dh is particularly useless, how can he possibly forget his own wife????

Edited

Exactly this!

weirdoboelady · 23/11/2025 20:02

I don't understand your family. How can they not know that November 23rd is THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN THE YEAR!

Happy birthday from your birthday twin (it's mine too, in case you hadn't got it.)

xxx

henlake7 · 23/11/2025 20:06

Happy birthday to you! Make sure you treat yourself to something nice.

Although I've never understood just hoping people do something without telling them. If I really cared they would be getting detailed instructions for the day!😄
I admit I am one of the forgetful ones though....I have everybodies birthdays written on a whiteboard on my fridge door, it's impossible to miss!

Linenpickle · 23/11/2025 20:06

If I were you I’d just go out and not tell anyone. Your family are appalling. Why would you see this like a game…

Linenpickle · 23/11/2025 20:07

But happy birthday!!

FjordCortina · 23/11/2025 20:08

Happy birthday @Delphinium20

I have a water tight system to ensure this never happens to me: I married a man whose birthday is the day before mine!

But I know what it's like, I regularly text my DC to make sure they remember other family members' birthdays. With email reminders and notifications it really shouldn't be necessary.

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/11/2025 20:09

I completely understand that this was intended as a lighthearted post but actually OP, I'm seething for you.

Your birthday DOES fucking matter!

It doesn't matter if you are the Great Organiser. Everyone in your household and family is well aware that you have a birthday too and they should be absolutely capable of remembering for themselves. It's not that they can't, it's that they can't be arsed. And I don't think that's OK actually. A birthday is a time when you show someone how much they are loved and appreciated. You don't need expensive gifts to do that, or huge gestures. But the fact that your birthday doesn't even register on their radar isn't OK. Your DH and DC have let you down.

The fact they'll feel bad when they realise is irrelevant. So they bloody should! I wouldn't even make light of this, it's not funny. I suspect your humour is a mask for the disappointment and hurt that's bubbling around underneath somewhere.

I would take myself out for an amazing meal somewhere on my own and maybe a film too! I love going out for a meal by myself, with a good book for company.

Whatever you decide to do, happy birthday OP!! I hope this time next year you come on MN to tell us how wonderful they have all been in spoiling you on your birthday!

ChristieMcVie · 23/11/2025 20:09

Please don’t waste the day waiting for them to remember. And don’t go shopping for school books with your DD2! Just get yourself dressed nnto something that makes you happy and leave the house now. Coffee, cake, movie, buy yourself something nice - anything but waiting around for this useless lot to remember!

Overthebow · 23/11/2025 20:10

Happy birthday. Have you started hinting?

CombatBarbie · 23/11/2025 20:14

In future I wouldnt be doing reminders for anyones birthdays....his family, his issue. Your kids, bit harder but I wouldnt be making plans or big deals out of it. Same with father's/mothers day.

Im really shocked your niece has remembered but your own kids, husband and dad have not. I just dont understand this at all.

ExitPursuedByABare · 23/11/2025 20:15

DH forgot mine once. I’d taken the day off work and he phoned me and queried why I’d taken a random day off and I replied I wanted to ride my horse. He rang again later whilst I was on the phone to my mum. He asked what she’d had to say and I told him she’d phoned to wish me a Happy Birthday. Cue a silence, then as per usual somehow managed to blame me. We’d been out the previous weekend for a meal to celebrate and I’d already had my present (a new saddle). Then the ubiquitous flower delivery arrived 🙄.

Tdcp · 23/11/2025 20:16

Happy BIRTHDAY OP! I've been here where no one remembered my birthday, twice. I didn't remind any one last time though and it did seem to work though I wouldn't say I get any more than dp saying happy birthday and a card from the kids...

I hope you have something nice lined up, even if you do have to plan it yourself belatedly x

Ophy83 · 23/11/2025 20:17

I think by now I would announce that I'm off to get a glass of champagne to celebrate my birthday and will be back in two hours

Figcherry · 23/11/2025 20:19

Happy birthday 🎂. @Delphinium20 . Try and do something nice.

My df died 3 months ago, It’s his birthday today.
My dsis was born on his birthday, she told me how strange it was as she would ring df and say happy birthday and he would say happy birthday back.