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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
Francestein · 23/11/2025 21:47

Happy Bday @Delphinium20 I’m sorry your family seem to have forgotten how to celebrate you. I told DH that he had a choice to organize a visit with either a counsellor or a solicitor when he forgot my 40th. (He was suffering from a terrible case of Head Up Arse Disease at the time.) He chose wisely and has remembered ever since - and has re-learned that things that make me happy and feel loved have a trickle down effect in his own life. I had truly begun to feel like I was simply a service provider and I didn’t want that to continue. Coincidentally, yesterday was DH’s bday also. I worked a 13 hr day (yuck) and fell asleep on the sofa when I got home, but I remembered it and had a present waiting for him.

Namechangerage · 23/11/2025 21:47

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:44

Oh, DF just woke up, came to me and said happy birthday and told me sweet stories of DM. I'm so crying.

Good old dad! ❤️

doesn’t it make you question your DH’s character though?

IAmKerplunk · 23/11/2025 21:48

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:44

Oh, DF just woke up, came to me and said happy birthday and told me sweet stories of DM. I'm so crying.

Aww that is so sweet of your dad.

Don’t let this weaken your resolve with the rest of your family though

Gilead · 23/11/2025 21:48

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:03

I don't really think I'm like that w/ my kids. I almost always do the 'hey, it's my bday on x day...maybe we can do x" This year, I started to get the sense last week no one was planning anything, so I decided to wait them out and not be the one who always fucking plans everything.

Fair point. My mother would give me a fiver the week before and tell me it was pocket money. This to the kid who was never given pocket money. Got a fair few beatings because it wasn’t what she wanted/ I hadn’t spent enough. I left home the year I realised no one else got school uniform for their birthday and that Santa didn’t only get gifts for u def tens!

Roomforapony · 23/11/2025 21:50

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 21:44

Oh, DF just woke up, came to me and said happy birthday and told me sweet stories of DM. I'm so crying.

That’s so lovely @Delphinium20 🥹

mumuseli · 23/11/2025 21:50

Aw now that your dad has remembered, does that mean that now the rest of the household have overheard and cottoned on?
I hope you still get chance to do something nice today - they had better make up for it!
x

FastTurtle · 23/11/2025 21:51

I’m over invested in this thread.

Linenpickle · 23/11/2025 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

promandno · 23/11/2025 21:54

Order yourself and DF a take away and when it arrives and the other two ask what about them you say something like ‘ just celebrating my birthday with DF since he wishes me a happy birthday’ and then watch their faces drop.

Happyjoe · 23/11/2025 21:54

diddl · 23/11/2025 21:45

Of course she shouldn't.

But I'm wondering why they don't seem to know & all I can think of is that they've never had to.

I did wonder if that was your angle/excuse, that the OP has always told them. But, no matter if been told in the past, OP's family and esp hubby should want to know, not wait to be reminded. Surely they're not so incompetent after all these years not to remember wife/mums/sisters/auntie's b'day is on the 23rd?

StrandedStarfish · 23/11/2025 22:02

Happy birthday OP. I’m raising a glass to you on your special day

sandyhappypeople · 23/11/2025 22:05

Happy birthday OP! I hope they pull something off!

FamingolosForDays · 23/11/2025 22:15

Happy birthday OP. I would be absolutely fucking furious (and gutted) if my family forgot my birthday. Alot of my friends did this year and that really upset me!

BangaloreLulu · 23/11/2025 22:16

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 💐🎂

I was hoping that maybe the book-shopping was a canny ruse to get you out of the house to allow time for celebratory decorating etc., but as you're now home and are still somewhat uncelebrated, I'm sad for you that I was wrong. So glad DF has remembered!

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 22:21

IAmKerplunk · 23/11/2025 21:48

Aww that is so sweet of your dad.

Don’t let this weaken your resolve with the rest of your family though

Agree. My 80 year old dad even remembered exactly how old I am and what time I was born. He was sweet and told me how he'd rub my back when I couldn't sleep. I have the best dad! Granted, his mind is sharp as a tack, which is why he was up on the list. Hope I am as clever at his age.

OP posts:
ChristieMcVie · 23/11/2025 22:23

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 22:21

Agree. My 80 year old dad even remembered exactly how old I am and what time I was born. He was sweet and told me how he'd rub my back when I couldn't sleep. I have the best dad! Granted, his mind is sharp as a tack, which is why he was up on the list. Hope I am as clever at his age.

Did your lovely dad wish you happy birthday within earshot? Have the others cottoned on yet?

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 22:24

mumuseli · 23/11/2025 21:50

Aw now that your dad has remembered, does that mean that now the rest of the household have overheard and cottoned on?
I hope you still get chance to do something nice today - they had better make up for it!
x

I asked him to keep it quiet for now. He's got his football game he will watch soon and even said something football related to DH w/out saying a thing, so he's enjoying this a bit, I think. DH and DF get along really well, but there's some normal onemanupmanship at times.

OP posts:
Tea10sugars · 23/11/2025 22:26

Wishing you a happy birthday @Delphinium20 💐

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 22:26

Leaving in 20 minutes to dinner w/ MIL. Not sure if I'm gonna burst out laughing or what. Seriously, how long can DH and DDs forget - makes me worried for their mental acuity. Should I feed them more folate?

OP posts:
N96 · 23/11/2025 22:27

Looks like this could be heading for a surprise family gathering at Mother in Laws. ?????.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 22:28

Dsis 1 just texted wishes on a group chat w/ other sisters (she lives in another city), so the sister avalanche has started LOL.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 22:28

DH just invited DF to dinner w/ MIL . . . I'll update when we get home.

OP posts:
HelenaWaiting · 23/11/2025 22:29

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:49

Yes. Bday is today.

I should have added that while not a milestone, it's 55 and where I live, there are jokes you get old people discounts at chain restaurants.

Happy birthday. I advertise it, loudly, start reminding my lot about a month before.

HappyMamma2023 · 23/11/2025 22:30

This is really sad. Your hsuband, children and immediate family will definitely bw on the naughty list. But I think YABU expecting an 8 year old to remember and wish you a Happy Birthday

ExitPursuedByABare · 23/11/2025 22:30

Yes maybe it will be a surprise birthday meal. With balloons and cake.