That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

[heavenknow]

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

Yes, this. She’s had years to plan.

Why can’t she get a job if her self-employment 🙄 income is insufficient?

DSS is an adult, he doesn't need to live with OP.

Where in the OP’s thread does it state that ‘Dad ran off for family number 2? Or are you just projecting?!

Why can’t she get a job if her self-employment 🙄 income is insufficient?
Why has self employment got an eye roll? bizarre.

Think the OP has gone.

could yournDH give money to his son and then it’s up to the son the subsidise his mother, pay his way etc. his father is liable to support him until he finishes university but there’s no obligation to his ex wife. When I and my
sibling turned 20 my dad gave us the maintenance money for uni costs and we paid digs and bills to our mum but it always left a bit for us too

This all depends on whether the DS actually still lives there or if he’s moved out. And this ‘deal’ for lumps sums and payments ending early. There isn’t enough info really.

Agree with you, assuming she isn’t parenting younger children. Several parents I’ve known have taken in additional part time employment to manage to make ends meet.
If you DSS’s mother has known the time was coming to stand on her own two feet and has done nothing to manage the situation…then that’s on her.
My own mother was an ostrich where finances were concerned and caused unnecessary stress for all concerned.
If you DH/partner chooses to financially support her for the next 6 months, that’s his choice, unless you too are going to be financially impacted…then it also becomes yours!
Personally, I wouldn’t leave someone straight from uni without a roof over their head. If you can accommodate him that would be the perfect solution.

Lol...guessing you're a first wife!

How do we know this is even true? People tell all sorts of lies to get money out of other people.

Yeah not your problem. DSS is 20. Your husband has clearly propped her up. She needs to get a loan to cover the payments if she can’t make them. However you’ll need to make room at yours for DSS if he is then homeless as a result.

He is a student. It's normal to go home in the holidays, and most parents also want to support their children while they find their feet after leaving education.

Can you afford it easily? Did your DH leave her because he just fancied someone else? Does your DSS live with her? Is it a small house (i.e. she couldn’t reasonably downgrade)? Is she generally reasonable and amicable?

if the answer to any of these is yes I would agree to support for a while longer. You risk your relationship with DS if you don’t and that’s not something that can be replaced.

This really gets my goat. My ex pays me maintenance but it’s not a meal ticket. Why are these parents not planning ahead for when this money runs out? I’ve worked hard for years to make sure when his money is no longer coming in it won’t affect me or my children. I don’t understand why everyone isn’t of this mindset it boggles me.

I think I would also look to do something like this, not for the ex-DW, but for the sake of DSS. Draw up an agreement to extend support, but without being entangled in further support after that date.
If things haven't improved she will eventually have to sell the home.
Of course the characters in this are all hypothetical to me, in reality there might be reasons not to do this due to the individuals involved.

No it’s not your problem, it it may become your dh problem if mum loses a her house, as long as he is welcome and there is space at yours then that’s all fine and dandy.

I wish my mother had forward planning like you. She would wait until ‘the shit hit the fan’ then run around like a headless chicken.

Ah.
This woman can't force her ex to continue paying and it probably won't happen. But I feel a bit sorry for women in this position and don't think it happens so often to men, that their child reaching 18 or 20 means immediately selling the family home at a time when they want to keep the young person's bedroom for them for a while.

She has had plenty of time to prepare for DSS turning 21. She needs to find stable work and downsize. You have already provided requested lump sums.

Not sure where you are OP but in Scotland, your husband still has to make some contribution towards his son- if they are in full time education, up until the age of 25. Not sure what the rule is in England or elsewhere.

There is a woman here, who has tried to keep things as normal as she can for her child after her husband left her for another woman. She has probably made career sacrifices to give her boy his best chances in life as well as having to go through being deserted by the man she thought she would be with for life. The least he can do is help her keep a roof over her head and a permanent home for their child.

I think the answer is hugely dependent on (a) how much the divorce settlement reasonably accounted for the damage her career and savings took from taking responsibility for your DSS, (b) how much responsibility your current husband has taken for his own son and (c) what the impact will be on DSS.

No doubt the mother will twist it to be the OP and her husband's fault. She's known this would be happening for years and has not made appropriate plans.

Parents have a legal obligation to support their child financially until age 25, provided the child is in full-time education or training. That’s the child though… not the child’s other parent or her home.

OPs husband may be giving his son money or paying his term time rent.

Her "boy" is now 20, she needs to financially support herself. It's not up to her ex to house her! What an odd thing for you to think...

It would be very upsetting for your stepson to see his mum becoming homeless and this may impact upon him.

For the sake of his education if nothing else, and given that he is only about 6 months away from taking his finals, if I were your husband I would be agreeing to carry on helping his ex wife financially for another 6 months and then suggest the son comes to live with you for a while after uni.

There's a bigger picture here and the ex wife won't be the only one to have their life thrown into chaos if she loses her home. Though I would be asking her what is her plan for the longer term to earn more money.