That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

[heavenknow]

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

By the OPs account, the father here left either a pregnant woman or a baby and got together with OP. Two years later he and OP were having the son half the time but giving the mother of his child plenty of money to live off. If that were the case, which I don't buy, why the angst over handing over money for the very final six months of the period when the son is in education? just doesn't stack up. The OP's husband might as well continue his unexplained generosity until the son graduates.

As for some of the comments on here, makes me wonder if it's been linked to some kind of bitter divorced dads pile on. FWIW I know several single mums and they are incredible. A couple of them do get a bit of financial assistance but that's as it should be given the pay gap and the demands of bringing up children and all the rest of it. Equal doesn't mean men get to walk away, earn money, and not contribute to their children financially.

Total nonsense - time to cut them off. Frankly I can't understand why the payments continued during uni!!! Most kids pay for themselves by using student loans and getting jobs. And it's important to remember that your spouse has been using YOUR money to pay for this child - it's not right that YOUR money has been used in this way. Please be sure to keep detailed records of all the money that has been given to the child - it should be coming out of your partner's separate property and not out of any community property - this is important if you ever get divorced.

Sorry missed that bit.
I think you've definately done more than enough.
Time to let her sort herself out.

@Caligirl80 most kids don’t pay themselves, loans are set up in a way that parents contribute. Also have to house young person in the holidays

I can’t quote your latest post for some reason but as you’ve had the 50/50 arrangement since dss was 2 you are well within your rights to stop. My opinion might be different if the mum had done the majority of the parenting up until the teenage years, but it sounds like it isn’t the case here.

Sounds like she's just rounding up to the twenty years. Even if that's not the case, we can only go on the facts, or as told to us, that custody was 50/50 and maintenance was still paid, and a chunk of money to pay off business debt.

OP, you have no reason to continue this payment. I'd like to know why, in 6 months or so, things will be so different.

@heavenknow so they both (mother and father) agreed on a term that is now coming to an end and the mother is saying that's not acceptable as she can't manage her outgoings?

Was there a discussion about how she would manage after the agreement came to an end?

Why would there be a discussion? It's up to her to decide over her own finances.

My sentiments exactly.

Maybe because they made an arrangement before?

Discussion?

Why is this woman to be coddled more than any other adult who needs to earn her own living and put a roof over her own head? If she's incompetent, there are social services agencies she can avail herself of. If she's competent, she can get out there and hustle like the rest of us do. She is not owed lifelong support because she chose to give birth to the child of an apparently short-term relationship 20 years ago.

She should have had that discussion with herself.

If I were divorced and my ex started asking me how I planned to support myself once child maintenance stopped, I'd tell them it was none of their business.

I'd love to know how many people defending the ex would say the same if it was a man asking for six months of rent money.

I'd love to know how a woman leaving a zero age baby to shack up with someone else would be received.

But irrespective of how old the baby was when his parents split, if the father has been paying the whole time AND the ex has (possibly) buried her head in the sand about finances, I think the OP and her DH can now stop paying and have a clear conscience

All of this, but especially the first para.

You REALLY need to stop with all the bullshit. Seriously. Stop.

Given what OP did to the woman,

You are just making up your own story now! As far as we know, OP has done nothing to this woman.

You clearly feel like you have been hard done by in life, and cannot understand that a single mother might have herself to blame for her hardship in this instance.

Everyone should focus on what is best for the son until he finishes Uni

It's unclear whether OP's DSS's mum is in receipt of any benefits. If she is on a low income or has no income if her business has failed and she rents, she would probably be eligible for UC with partial or full payment of her rent. She definitely needs to explore these options before asking for more money from DSS's dad.

Your version of events sounds very Dickensian with OP's DSS as Tiny Tim, designed to pull on people's heartstrings.

Why are you so invested in this that you are just making things up? Were you left for an OW?

It’s not great for a kid for a parent to be homeless. If 6 months makes a real difference, maybe she’s finishing a course, and you can affird it I’d probably do it. If she’s hoping something will come up in that time I wouldn’t. But there may be more context.

well people are free to divorce even if they have kids.