That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

[heavenknow]

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

Agree. There must be a backstory, and I hardly think the maintenance has been paying for her whole life. It can't have been that generous, otherwise OP would have said the amount.

I wonder if the mum tried to launch a business, sinking funds into it, and it failed due to the state of the world - covid, Ukraine, inflation, etc.

As for not being married before you have kids, it seems that the DH got her pregnant and then wouldn't marry her. (I think it highly unlikely that she wouldn't have wanted to get married, being pregnant with his child.)

OP's story gaps also lead me to believe that she was the OW. You can tell by what she hasn't said.

He hasn't been supporting her though has he, he's just paid some child support towards raising his own child. Unless I'm missing something?
The woman has been running a business and raising their son and paying rent. Shes obviously now struggling to make ends meet, like many are right now, especially single people who can't share bills.

You're taking OP's story as fact, when it's actually very light on detail. And she might have been looking for a job and a cheaper rental for ages. From your use of the US spelling of "mom" I'd guess you're not form the UK. The UK is a low-wage economy, the place is in a total mess, there's a housing crisis, a fuel-price crisis, inflation has been dreadful in the last few years, hitting 11.1 % in late 2022 and is still well above the Bank of England's target. Jobs and rentals are scarce.

DSS will end up like his mum if you carry on as you are! He needs to stand on his own feet and get a job!!! Not have everything paid for him and handed to him on a plate! He’s an adult for gods sake not a child anymore!!

Eh? He's in full-time education - at uni! I'm sure he does have a job, like most students these days, but his earnings will go towards his education and his keep while not able to work full-time. Don't forget, he will graduate with an absolute minimum of $30k debt for the education, assuming a three-year course, never mind if he needed a top-up loan as well. I've been amazed at everyone on this thread saying that he should be contributing towards his home household as well as putting himself through uni.

I don't know. OP didn't give a whole lot of detail about the mum.

Wrong thread

@tomorrowtoblerone Even the child maintenance is unusual, given they had 50/59 custody. I thought that 50/50 meant that neither parent had to pay child maintenance to the other one?

Maybe it depends on how much each party earns.

@tomorrowtoblerone- it’s been 20 years, DH and I have got into much stronger financial positions through career advancements. I owned a home when we met - so used that help with deposits etc. The child support have been sizeable, enough for her to survive on and not work, or be in a good position financially if she chose to work FT in her trained position. Which she doesn’t.

ETA: Then there's the fact that the cost of living is horrendous these days and has been rising fast for quite a few years now. Did the husband increase his maintenance in line with inflation? It's hard to afford heating, lighting, housing, food, and other necessities these days for single people.

I doubt the husband increased maintenance at the rate of inflation as I doubt his earnings increased at that rate?

So the child was a newborn when they split? It won't have been 50/50 from the start then? I'm always interested in the details of 50/50. Is it just that the child stayed an equal number of nights but still had mum doing all the thinking, planning, world book day costumes, waiting lists for swim classes, appointments, party planning, buying of uniform, noticing shoes are small or they've had the same reading book for a month, or is it actually a full 50/50 split if all the duties and headspace of parenting?

Just reading through again. And saw that the ex lives in a rented house.
How is she going to lose it..? Unless she is rent arrears or the rent is too high for her to manage without the help of the maintenance payments.
I'm which case she should look for something cheaper

They aren't making her homeless ff's. She's made lousy decisions and she's made herself homeless. How long should they pay for this woman? The rest of us have to manage life without freebies from ex husbands.

He's been paying maintenance.
Why would he do that if it's 50/50.

Spot on. UC child payments ending has the same effect too. Mothers need to be ready for their children hitting 18 because the state won't pick you up or break you in gradually. You'll be in a miserable, zero hour contract job quicker than you can say "is that really all the UC I'm entitled to as a lone adult?".

OP, not your problem. The ex knew support would stop & should have planned for it. You can't keep extending deadlines this way or he'll be paying her from the grave.

This. I honestly can’t believe the utter bullshit coming out of that poster. She is either the mum or some other ridiculously entitled women who thinks someone else should provide her for life!

@Gingernessyits been 50/50 since he was 2. He pays maintenance because she would be in significant financial hardship if he didn’t, they agreed on a term - which is now ending.

She’s had 18 years to establish a livelihood and hasn’t bothered?! That’s ridiculously taking the piss. Cut her off without a backward glance.

Thanks everyone. We are going to stand firm and not give her anything else.

Good for you. Presumably the son can live with you if he needs to.

Perhaps she needs to get a different salaried job or move into a cheaper rental.

Have you told her that you won't be funding her any more?

So the son is 20 and you got together 20 years ago? so was that when she was pregnant or had a newborn?

And then two years later your DH had enough money to give significant child support -enough for her to live on?- even though you had the child 50 percent of the time.

Sorry something about this story doesn't add up to me.

He is an adult. The ex is an adult. Why do women on here always bang on about feminism but expect the ex to feed and house them.

Why do women on here always bang on about feminism but expect the ex to feed and house them.
🤔
They don't. HTH

The OP and her DH couldn't even give her some grace over the coldest period of the year. I think it's wrong, but then I'm a caring and forgiving person
She would then come up another raft of excuses to continue to sponge off others, she is the creator of her situation.
Your description of yourself however makes me think that opinions will vary, being a self-proclaimed 'caring and forgiven' person can be interpreted in many ways, unless you're the ex !

A large number do however! HTH too.