To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

You’re missing the point, the poster said OP should do what her daughter wants. Do you always do what your daughter wants?

First world problems 🤷‍♀️

What are you on about?

Well look, without all the stuff about jesus and hot chocolate and precious memories, the only important factor is whether the daughter wants her friend there or whether she'd secretly be quite pleased if her mum said no.

That's the only context I'd be interested in knowing and which might help me, as that mum, understand whether I'm enforcing a load of pyjama curling up stuff to be saved in Memories, or whether my daughter might have a really nice day if her friend is allowed to come along.

“Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me“
Whoever wrote that probably didn’t have in mind daily babysitting of someone else’s child to the extent they’re spending more time in your house than their own.
Martyrdom isn’t compulsory.

You’re not being precious at all but whilst an appreciate that kids will have their own concept on these events, the other child’s mother should have understood the family thing and said no to her DD

I don't think I am missing any point: the point I'm making is that letting the daughter have a friend along this time does not represent some unstoppable process of "always" letting her have whatever she wants.

In answer to your question: sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn't, it depended on the situation and the nature of the request. I assume this is not so unusual as a policy?

Jesus helped people in need.

I'm not sure that he was fond of pisstakers.

Sorry, I didn't realise you wouldn't be able to understand.

Just concentrate on this bit:
WhatdoesitmeanKeith suggests Surely it’s just a 10 minute activity?"

To which you replied:

"We do a hot chocolate station thing with chocolate bombs etc"

I said:

How long does it take to pick up a hot chocolate from a "station" and lob a chocolate sphere into it?

The rest was just a silly joke which I thought most people would get but it doesn't matter if you didn't.

They are decorating their Christmas tree etc and then watching a Christmas film with the hot chocs. It's not just sitting around having a hot drink

I am going against what most people are saying. I don’t really see an issue? Your dd is an only child and would like a friend to enjoy the experience with her. I know it’s a family tradition but maybe this other child doesn’t experience these kind of events with her family? Would it really hurt to let her join you? I would have been happy for any of DD’s friends to join us in decorating the tree and drinking hot chocolate.

If you don’t want the friend over, you should be explicit about that… “ our Jane tells me she invited you over to decorate the tree on Saturday, but she should have asked me first, because I m afraid you can’t come then. Why don’t you pop over after school on Monday and we have hot chocolate and marshmallows together then? Ask your Mum if you can come then”.

I know.
I was just replying to the bit where someone said a hot drink doesn't take long and the OP said they have a hot chocolate station with chocolate bombs etc
Anyway, it sounds lovely and I'd have been pleased if my DD thought something we did was so nice that they thought their friend would like it too.
Obviously others are of the "our own little family" mindset and that's fine too.

Which all suggests she has not got a settled happy normal life.

Would it really hurt to let her do something like decorating a tree?

Yes, it's not a separate planned activity. It's part of the evening. That's like saying "how long can it possibly take to put on your Christmas PJs".

Exactly this.

There's absolutely no way you should feel obliged to have the friend there at all. This is a family day/tradition. Next people will be suggesting you should have her over on Christmas Day if she asks! Don't feel bad about saying no. You have the child over a lot and are planning on doing other Christmas related things other days but this particular day is just for family.

We always decorate the tree together in similar circumstances to you, (hot chocolate, movie etc)and ours are teenagers, and we all enjoy it. It's only one day. She can play with her friend the other days.

Why is that OP’s problem 24/7?? She already allows the child to importune them to an inordinate degree. How much more life should she revolve around a stranger’s kid?

Just my opinion op but what is more important? Perfectly aligned tree decorations (that you can adjust or smarten up later anyway) or two little girls having fun together? Come on op! You have raised a lovely kind dd who wants to share her good fortune with a friend? Why are you preventing her from doing this?

They have fun together nearly every damned day! The OP is entitled to her holiday traditions without some pushy neighbour taking over THAT as well!

Good grief, you do understand this is two little girls who like playing together. It’s not some adult surfing on her sofa,

I think OP wants family time (and what they consider a tradition) rather than perfectly aligned decorations @Froginaskirt654

Exactly.

And OP isn’t Jesus and may well only celebrate secular Christmas. No need to introduce claptrap most people aren’t interested in.

All the onlys when my dc were little begged to have other dc come and help, it's more fun with other dc. Mine were lucky cos they had siblings but we did sometimes have other dc come.

Their likes don’t take precedence over everything.

I would get in touch with the mum or grandmother so there’s no misunderstanding and tell her that your DD is busy with family that day (so she doesn’t let her come to yours) but will see her friend the next day and they can ‘help’ hang the last few ornaments that you have held back.