To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

Don't let her in or even open the door at 7.30. Decide what time is good for you and let her in after that.

You already said no. The kid is now trying to invite themselves against your volition. That's not how you get to do nice things round other people's houses. By refusing to listen to the word 'no'. So stick to your guns. Otherwise it looks like your rules aren't really rules at all.

Have the friend round the next day and maybe just hold back a few baubles that she can add onto the tree?

@ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS why are you so precious about the main Christmas tree?

It’s not a dear friend. It’s a child who’s being foisted on the op to save on childcare for her parents. Sadly the op thinks she has to appease the child and her parents! 🤷🏼‍♀️

I get that your daughter is friends with her, but this is ridiculous!

With this information, I'd say - stand firm. This child seems to have no boundaries at all and things will only get worse. The Christmas element is largely irrelevant here - she clearly just expects to come over and get involved at any time of day, and with no consideration for your family.

This. Wow.

Telling another fully grown adult what they will feel and why the date they are planning something is “wrong” when all they have been asked is AIBU on not including DDs friend.

but against a backdrop of the friends over reliance on the DDs companionship and spending too much time at the OPs house which the OP is seeming uncomfortable with as per the original post - there is a lack of boundaries.

boundaries from OP from not restricting the time she’s spending at theirs and from the parents of the other child who presumably and wilfully allow her to spend an extraordinary amount of time at someone else’s home.

it’s really quite inappropriate, and the OP now has a situation where she’s effectively got a cuckoo.

Personally I would 100% put my foot down. It's a once a year special family time and only lasts until kids reach the awkward teenage stage at the latest. You really don't have many chances to make these special family memories.

I also wouldn't want a neighbours Grandchild anywhere near my box of of Xmas decorations which contain some special tree ornaments originally belonging to mine and DH's Grandparents. My child understood how fragile these ornaments are and knew to leave them to me.

(I would also be irritated at the Granny for trying to take advantage of you, surely the kid has a tree at home and their Granny's tree to decorate? If she turns up again at 7:30am I would persuade them both to play in Granny's house....).

I’d ask her Nan to stop letting her call random adults at 7.30am. That’s madness!

I’d just let her bring her friend along. I think it is really sweet she wants to share your family tradition with what seems like a best friend. Your DD will enjoy it more with her friend there.

Tree decoration is family time for us. Dd1’s girlfriend did join last year but dd is almost an adult and her girlfriend is becoming part of our family. Quite different to just a friend age 7.

I’d say we are decorating as a family but we’d love the friend to come and make Christmas cookies with us.

Yes, see Matthew Ch 19 verses 13 & 14. It says parents were bringing their children to him to bless them, but the disciples rebuked the parents. Jesus saud " Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Google says this incident is also reported elsewhere in the New Testament.

It’s okay to admit that times have changed and people are just increasingly selfish, you do you.

Including people in your Christmas decorations is really minor and inconsequential, the pyjama matching social media photo can wait til later. But to each their own, I’d never assume a kid coming round is just “a CF being palmed off” and I’m not even a particularly extroverted person, that’s such a warped negative perspective on other people. Pretty sure cousins and friends always helped with the tree and nativity, maybe it’s just different cultures.

I don’t think it is inappropriate at all. Only children often have close friends or cousins that act as almost siblings. It’s healthy for them to interact with another child in real life on a daily basis. The alternative is a child that’s making online friends and going to awkward play dates every few weeks.

I know someone who’s so precious about it her kids aren’t even allowed to decorate it themselves. Bonkers.

It's not that deep, FFS the insanity of the replies,

"get another tree"? really 😂

OP doesn't want to have another child that day, is not making a schedule for the next 20 years or even the entire month, she wants a day at home without guests, without another child. YABU? Fuck no, I have a pretty much open house, but of course you can have the odd day to yourself and don't have to babysit your kids friends all the time.

She is a dear friend to the DD.
What is with people these days. You whinge about kids having too much screen time and not learning social skills. But then you do everything to chase away what could be a life long friend for your only child because you are resentful of there being more than 1 child in your home/presence at a time.

So the friend invited herself? Or did your DD invite her?
It’s absolutely fine to have the day together as a family, they see each other all the time and can do another Christmas thing together. As a PP said, just be breezy about it.

It’s inappropriate because the Nan is effectively foisting the kid off on to the neighbour to look after instead of doing it herself.

having a friend /play date in perfectly fine.

When it’s impacting on the families home life it’s inappropriate

Tell the child’s mother your daughter invited her by mistake. This is just a thing you all do together and her daughter will be welcome round the next day.

OP is being a bit of a Scrooge

That’s your extremely weird and pessimistic speculation. It’s not fact.

How and why? Op entertains the kid a lot. All she’s asking is to have a day without the child, ie. a family day.

Why is a 7 year old, who isn't even yours, dictating things that happen in your house?

Absolutely not. If no one else is teaching her boundaries, it's about time she got used to them somehow.

You are being far too accommodating on everything else (evrn though it's kind of you) but you are entitled you to own privacy and time with just your own family and shouldn't be made feel guilty about it.

I’m usually l for mates coming round, but we never had friends round when ours were small and we were decorating the tree. I think that is a special family time.

Getting a small tree and a few decs for her bedroom to do the next day with the friend, if you can afford it, is a great idea.