To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

Exactly. These seven year olds and their scheming to take over other people's Christmas plans. This girl is clearly a narcissist in the making.

“Bully a child” What?!
Saying “sorry my love you can’t come round to play today as we’re having time just as family” isn’t bullying! No wonder some kids have no resilience if this is considered bullying.

Omg it’s not that deep you have soo many christmasses ahead of you. Bit mean she’s only 7

Read some of the ways so posters have talked about this 7 year old child .

It’s not a random kid it’s the child’s friend and her neighbour. People are so wierd why are you all so bothered about her 7 year old friend joining in 🤣🤣🤣🤣 wtf

Could be stuff going on in her home. In the bigger scheme of things is it really a big deal? I’m sure you have other family things you can do.

Exactly. And all of the rubbish about what DD wants - a 7 year old does not set the family's social or weekend agenda. This is a good time for her to learn she checks with parents before inviting anyone to the home.

If she's already SO jaded that a fun day with "just" mum and dad strikes her as dull, well, I'd give her a Christmas so dull she'd never complain again. As in, "if you don't enjoy the tree, you don't have to help trim it, you can stay in your room until tomorrow, and we won't bother with outings this season or packages under the tree on Christmas morning, either. Go read a book."

The "Christmas is after all for children" claptrap is so annoying. There hasn't been a child born in my extended family in 30 years and we have rocking Christmas seasons, with lots of "rituals" and "traditions." And nary a child in sight.

I’m out of kilter here but I think it’s a bit mean to tell your child they can’t have a friend around for the tree! Is it really that deep-your dd might like having another child around to have fun with doing Christmas things. Since when did we get do very precious?

Why is everyone being bitches about the OPs traditions?
have a day off ladies, it’s (nearly) Christmas)

And op, you do need to have a word with the kids granny, my mum would have been horrified if when babysitting my kids they would want to knock next door at 730am

OP isn't a social worker. The child has a 50-something grandmother who should be stepping up if for some reason the parents are incompetent.

It’s really strange. Why would you even be bothered?! It’s screaming control freaks. I’d be more than happy for any of my 6 year old DD’s friends to come over and decorate the tree what a cute core memory for them!! Obviously I’d be rearranging it later lol

From the sounds of it, OP is accommodating this girl most weekends.

This IS the family thing she wants to do.

Seems like it’s only the op who’s bothered by this tradition. Dad doesn’t care, daughter wants friend to join. They may end up resentful if they don’t get a say.

Hello? It's Christmas, isn't it? Being nice to people and all that? And a "tradition"? How precious is that...6 years maybe. You have the rest of Christmas with just your family.

I don’t just think you’re BU, I think you’re BVU. Fair enough it’s a little family tradition to decorate a Christmas tree but it’s literally your DD’s 7 year old friend wanting to join in. All the other posters saying “put your foot down”, “give her a firm no, it’ll teach her a lesson not to walk all over other people’s plans” God you’re all so heartless.

Her staying at her grandma’s house and calling for your DD to come and play before 8am in the morning suggests that there may be some family issues. Where are her parents? Who is supervising her and why is she being allowed out to play by herself at crazy o’clock in the morning? These are not your problems of course but clearly your house and playing with your daughter has become a real source of comfort and safety for her.

Also, your daughter is an only child. Children with siblings have to learn to share special family moments and traditions with their siblings. It might be a nice memory for your daughter to have of not decorating her Christmas tree alone that one year but being able to share in that tradition with her friend.

When we were kids we’d have our neighbours over to decorate pretty much every year… they were Jewish and didn’t get to decorate their own tree. Happened with other friends as we got older too.

My mum was very much a “more the merrier” type though and that carried through to adulthood for me, I’ve hosted all sorts of waifs and strays for Christmas dinner over the years and the kids know they’re more than welcome to invite whoever they like to decorate the tree. As they move into later teens if they have friends at loose ends then they will be more than welcome to join us on the day for dinner too.

But I guess that’s not for everyone, I’d get a smaller tree as pp has suggested or even just save some decorations they can do together the day after?

Exactly. The other child is frequently interloping into the OP's life in myriad (uninvited) ways and the child's family is taking the piss.

The OP is entitled to decide when she wants privacy and what traditions are important to her. Whether her husband or daughter are "bothered" is beside the point; the OP isn't required to subsume all of her desires to accommodate them or neighbour granny's wish for free childcare.

Op, it is ok to want time just with your family. You are not a public service. There is a lot of emotional blackmail on this thread.

It's "precious" to want a private family day on the weekend, when one is having a break from work and wants to enjoy seasonal tasks without some stranger's kid around? Hardly.

There's no superiority in being a "more the merrier" type. Setting boundaries is healthy.

Ah yes because women are just wives and mothers. Madness to think there are things we might want to do because they're special to us. Silly us.

It’s important to set boundaries that suit you in this situation, or you’ll end up resenting this little neighbour every time she turns up. It’s potentially a lovely friendship for your daughter, but only works if both kids know the parents are in charge of how many times she comes round.

We used to have a little girl from next door always wanting to come round in our block of flats, and my every time she knocked my mum would decide if it was a good time or not and let her know. We all knew that was the system and nobody minded, and it meant my mum didn’t feel obliged to let her in every time she knocked.

But if the other 2 people in the house would rather something different, and it is usually a child centric thing decorating a tree when you have young children (unless you are one those anal people who don't let your child anywhere near it just in case they put a different coloured babble on it), if the young person in the house would enjoy having another young person with them enjoying the fun, is it that bad to be slightly flexible with the 'tradition'. You will have plenty of time once the kids have left home to spend hours perfecting your Christmas tree.

This thread is bonkers! 😂😂

Great idea.

Yeah, ok. 😂😂😂