To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

You think parenting a 7 year old and creating traditions and having family time is forced fun?
every day sure but regular family time isn’t be applauded not derided. Pity the other family don’t do the same

She’s giving an opinion, that’s allowed.

Why would her presence intrude on your family so much and totally change the experience from a good one in to a not so good one? I don’t get it!

Yes, it would! Clearly you don't get it.

Babysitting, entertaining, feeding and organising pick up and drop off times with random parents is shit, especially when you are both working. There are parents on Mumsnet who do not do in-home playdates, at all and arrange to meet up at parks etc. I understand why.

I think traditions can evolve and the daughter wants her friend there. The fun is forced if only one person is enjoying it.

If they keep asking just give them the look.
@bumptybum this reminds me of my aunt when I was a kid 🤣.

There’s a lot of unpleasantness being directed at a 7 year old child here who hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

Yes, she has been turning up early in the morning, but nowhere has it been suggested that the OP has asked her to stop, has approached the parents, has told her DD she can’t come round.

As far as she’s aware she’s playing with her friend because she has no-one else to play with.

Clearly she’s a child who has been palmed off on her grandmother at every possible opportunity, and has befriended the OP’s DD.

And now people are making her out to be some kind of entitled brat who needs taught a lesson.

At the end of the day she asked if she could come round and help, and it was the OP’s DD who said yes.

And the only one bothered by this is the OP, even her husband has said it’s no big deal. So this doesn’t have anything to do with family traditions. It has everything to do with the OP needing to dictate the narrative because she can’t let go.

@Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth do your DH and DD have any say in the traditions? You say DH isn’t bothered and DD wanted her friend to join in with the tree.

Exactly. The parents’ enjoyment of this once-a-year ritual is surely pretty important, whereas two average seven year old girls will spend their whole year in a dazzle of frivolity and giddiness.
Above all, OP is very sentimentally attached to the tradition, and as far as I’m concerned, that settles it.
It certainly does not sound like this is a mother determined to exert iron control over everything, far from it. Wanting one special evening where things aren't turned upside down to please someone else isn’t being precious or too demanding.

The omnipresent kid has certainly had her share of this family’s time and attention by now, so fair’s fair!
As for DD, she’s seven, not seventeen, and does not get to tell her parents how things are going to be.

The OP as her daughter's mother is quite within her rights to set the agenda for a weekend family day; she's entitled to have what SHE wants occasionally. Why shouldn't DH and DD accommodate OP instead of a little neighbour girl, ffs?

The neighbour kid clearly isn't being raised with any manners, consideration or respect for others' homes and privacy. That's too bad for her but OP isn't a social worker. I do agree that OP should speak to the grandmother and limit playdates to once a week or so, so that the DD's leisure time isn't dominated by this other child. Is DD ever invited to the neighbours for anything? I highly doubt it; the grandmother is taking the piss here. Free childcare and it gets the granddaughter out of her hair for many hours a week.

I think you should keep it as family only. As people keep saying, she'll be wanting more time with friends soon, so all the more reason to keep this one thing special for just you 3, as it won't be too long before you barely see her, with her going out with friends.

And I really don't understand this I ignore the phone before 10, you shouldn't have to ignore it, the child should be told by her grandma not to bother you on the phone or in person at all before 10, and then at 10 respect if you say not today. Can you not speak to her grandma about this? It is not your job to teach the child manners!

I completely understand, these times as a family are so precious! Perhaps tell the friend that she can’t come that evening but maybe arrange a little craft hour the day after, she and your daughter can do a little cheapy Christmas craft activity, the hot chocolate again with all the trimmings and a little Christmas film. That way, you keep the family time but offer time for your daughter and her friend as an extra?

@Millytante I love your phrase

a dazzle of frivolity and giddiness.

I think that this is such a lovely, kind thing to do. If she’s already seeking out company at half seven in the morning then she’s clearly not getting the attention from her family that your DD is getting from you. I expect she enjoys being at your house so much because it’s a lovely family environment where you’re interacting with them in a way she’s not used to.

Add on some flour, salt and water and they could make salt dough decorations together; that would keep them occupied for a while.

I find this attitude so strange. Why isn’t the child’s enjoyment of equal value to the parents?

You make children sound like horrible little dictators too, they’re allowed to have preferences and requests like everyone else.

Maybe the other child wouldn't be sufficiently Instagram-able next to the hot chocolate station with the chocolate bombs.

What the fuck are you on about??
why are people assuming op wants this day “for the gram”? If anything wouldn’t it make better social media content to “be kind” (🤮) and have the other kid there?

I do a similar day to the OP, it’s some of our loviest memories. My kids are older teens now and still look forward to it each year. It’s fuck all to do with instagram.
Some people are so, so weird.

The more the merrier I say. Christmas is about little children and their wonder. I could never turn a child away from joining in something like this.
It sounds like you have a set idea about what is going to happen - have some spontaneity!

Some people are so, so weird.
And aggressive.
Luckily I don't have them in my life.

You’ve just accused the op of not wanting the friend there because she’s too ugly to post on Instagram. I don’t think you’re winning any prizes for the moral high ground here 😂

I don’t put things like that on Instagram, I rarely post and definitely not my Dc

Oh dear

Exactly! 👏 what has that to do with anything??

Right 😂

Agreed. Not once has the OP mentioned social media and the chocolate bombs to put in hot milk are in Aldi and Lidl next to the tubs of powder. It's just an alternative way of making it.

This exactly!