To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

@BatshitOutofHell- only children need more time with their parents not less. They don’t have siblings to have that family time with.

My son is also an only child, and decorating the tree is also a lovely Christmas tradition for us, so I totally get where you're coming from. Keep it for just you, and stand firm about the friend 🎄

Stick to your family plans otherwise you’re allowing a child to dictate to you what your family time entails. I’d also be speaking to the mother and saying to tell her she is not to come to play before 10 and better still to speak to you first rather than just turn up and pull on the heartstrings.

Didn’t mention be kind bollocks. And did say OP was not unreasonable.

Don’t put words into my mouth.

100% this! 7.30am calls is really fucking outrageous. Nobody in their right minds would think this is ok! Just tell the girl sorry, she can't come that day. End of!

I’ve asked my only child how she would feel about a neighbour getting involved in our Christmas tree traditions. They said no way and they can do their own with their family.

Op please talk to the granny and ask her will this child get to decorate a tree ! I bet she has loads to decorate.

YABU to say 59-60 is a young grandma! Of course it's not. 😆

But YANBU to want your Christmas family tradition for you and your family only. This girl has been told no, and she has ignored it. Hard to stick to it when she's manipulating your daughter though.

Be careful, this friend of your DD's who is clearly assertive and bossy, coud well turn into a nasty bully if things don't continue to go her way, and she and your DD fall out. And it's very likely that the mother will join in! I've seen it happen

Totally agree

For the most part I don't think you're U, we have a similar tradition on the first weekend in Dec and it would change the dynamic if someone else joined. I do like the suggestion of maybe doing something the next day with the neighbour.

I take it your DD is an only so it might be nice for her to have a chrismassy day with another child.

this thread is insane 😂

It's ONE day, how are people making such a huge massive ridiculous deal about not wanting to invite another child on a specific day?

I don't know any parent who will always say "Yes" every single time their child says they want one of their friend to come over - theres' no way on earth all the posters pretending they would are genuine.

It's not really a friendship if "only" being invited the following day to do Christmas craft is enough to break it and the other child never speaks to the OP's child again 😂

OP YANBU. Some of the replies on this thread are ridiculous. You’re not precious or obsessed with Instagram because you prefer not to have a random kid involved. Some activities are more fun, relaxing and enjoyable with family only. This is one of them. I’d say no, end of.

I think that’s young for a grandma 🤷🏻‍♀️she’s not old and frail, works, has her own business etc

OK! Totally understood about the decorations. I take that comment back!

But I don’t understand why you would deny your seven your old wanting to share this lovely time with a friend? She’s seven fhs! Why would her presence intrude on your family so much and totally change the experience from a good one in to a not so good one? I don’t get it!

It won’t be every year necessarily! Childhood friendships like this are pretty fickle! Very few last a long time. One of my DD’s had a friend around a lot who was with their grandparent during the week and there were times when I could have done without the extra hassle tbh, but we fulfilled a need for a while and then both dc moved on, but it was good for this child while it lasted. And good for my dd help a child who was a bit lonely at that specific time I guess.

Each to their own and you don’t have to subscribe to this view of course, but you did ask for opinions, and imho, cheesy though it sounds, sharing stuff like this is the very essence of what Christmas is all about.

Btw, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set reasonable boundaries about when she can telephone on a Saturday morning either!

Well just tell her to pop back about 10.

If she rings that day just say your busy and your dd will call her tomorrow.

Yanbu at all. DD has neighbour friends who knock to play but they certainly won't be helping with our tree. i love the Christmas decorating afternoon

I must be too laid back because I'd have happily adapted Christmas traditions to accommodate dc, if they wanted to do things a bit differently.
That kind of has to happen anyway, as they get older.
Family time and traditions should never feel forced and there is a danger of that happening if things are too rigid.
I have always worked shifts though, which have included Christmas Day alternate years. So flexibility has always been part of the Christmas period. Some years, we didn't even have our 'proper' christmas dinner on Christmas Day.
I wouldn't have given this a second thought tbh and would have happily included dc's friend. We are all different though. It's your call.

The virtue signaling here is off the charts. Pro-interloper people are all "sharing is the essence" "help a poor vulnerable child" "we're more laid-back" "it doesn't hurt to be kind" and, ffs, "WWJD?". Who cares what Jesus would do?

The OP is depicted as Scrooge, selfish, rigid about traditions, insensitive to her poor only child, etc. because she doesn't want a fucking stranger around on her OWN special family day. The family day she looks forward to, presumably her husband looks forward to, that they enjoy as a threesome and that they plan to repeat every year.

She's accommodating the pesty child dozens of other days of the year and most weekends. Wanting one freaking Saturday to be limited to just her family hardly makes her a villain.

The villains are the lowlife who are letting this child make a nuisance of herself in others' households.

A seven-year-old doesn't get to determine what's important. They don't have the breadth and depth of knowledge to make such decisions for the entire family.

She and her wants are accommodated most other weekends, from the sound of it. It's important for children to learn to consider others' needs, preferances and boundaries. And to respect parental authority.

This!! Where does it end? Christmas Day? Family wedding? “She just wants to be included” well…tough!!
The funny thing is I bet grandma/mum wouldn’t invite OPs daughter to share their christmas tree day!

The OP's preferences can take precedence for a change.

Your child isn't op's child. And doesn't speak for all children.

I think many people here are seeing themselves in the parents who let their feral kids importune others without inviation, or who take advantage of free childcare from the neighbours without ever reciprocating. Hence calling OP "Scrooge" which is so unfair.

Her preferences take precedence every year. Not that it bothers me at all. Only posting for accuracy.