To not particularly want Dd’s friend to help decorate the tree

[Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth]

Dd is 7 and has a friend from school as a neighbour. They often play together, which is nice, but it can be a bit overwhelming with her sometimes calling Dd at 7.30 in the morning to play and spending most weekends at our house
We’re getting our Christmas tree next weekend, it’s tradition we go as a family-Dh, dd & me, choose the tree, buy some extra lights & decorations, go to an xmas market nearby. We then come home, stick the xmas music on, decorate the tree and finish with hot choc and marshmallows in our pjs watching xmas films. It just signals the start of Christmas and we’ve done it since Dd was very small
Dd was telling her friend and her friend asked if she could come and also do the tree, Dd told her yes then told me. I said to Dd she can’t really come as it’s a special family thing we do, but she can play with her the next day. Dd told her she couldn’t come but her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part 🙄
Dh seems to think it’s not a big deal, but I just want it to be us, am I being too precious? Dd is an only so I make sure she’s always playing with friends etc and she sees this girl and others a lot.

Aibu to want just one day just for us as family?

This sounds lovely OP. Stick to your guns about your family day but then do this as I sense the friend is at a bit of a loose end/perhaps doesn’t have the same kind of family set up as you.

But DD and Dh don't seem to mind as much as you do. I bet the dogs couldn't give a stuff either.

What does your DD want to happen?

OP I am totally with you, I would not want anyone else being involved in our family Christmas tradition of decorating the tree.

Many many other activities we do with DD's friends over the festive period, but this one is just for us.

Stick to your guns 🎅

That’s irrelevant. She doesn’t run the household.

Why are you? Why is anyone? Although more urgently, why do you think it's ok to call a child you don't know a brat? That's pretty distasteful.

It is relevant if DD wants her friend to help or doesn’t

I wouldn't allow this because it would likely become an annual expectation. Tell her mother and state it's your family plan and her DD is welcome another day but you and her (the mum) need to discuss timings in advance.

Of course you should have it as a family thing, and I don't think you should feel you have to 'compensate' by organising a separate Christmassy thing the next day. You don't have to go out and buy a 'smaller tree'. You're not responsible for the other child. It's one thing to be welcoming to her, it's quite another to feel some kind of constant obligation to her.

Have a lovely time doing your family tradition.

The grandmother is taking the Mickey and using you as free childcare. Decorating the Xmas tree is a special family only event and the girl is a cheeky mare to be so insistent.

No, just the ones who are brats, or acting like brats.😂

Keep it family, tell the child she can come another time. Its the Grandmother's responsibility to look after the child and amuse her.

Your daughter can have have her friend over another time. I also think you should talk to Gran about the calling at 7am and tell her the earliest she can come round is 10.00. If you give in on this you will have her round for everything. Boundaries are needed here, this kid is not your responsibility. I would be pleasant though as its nice fir your kid to have someone to play with.

There's only one brat on this thread and if you take a look in the mirror you'll catch a glimpse of her.

@Decemberisthemostexpensivemonth, I have a question: if this kid came round to your house far less than she does, and didn't phone you early, would you be happier with allowing her to join in with your Christmas festivities, or would you still want her to take a back seat with this?

Is she quite bossy and maybe pushed your DD into asking if friend could join in? That sort of behaviour is quite irritating and likely to promote resentment in the parents who unwillingly are doing the childcare (less of it at seven, but still. It's being responsible for another child while she's in your house).

I do think that if you want to keep these particular customs for yourselves, I wouldn't blame you. I do feel sorry for the child though, it must be awful not being wanted by either her mum or her gran. She'll see a stark difference between your household and hers, as your DD isn't passed around like a hot potato.

As a compromise the decorating of a little tree in DD's room and Christmas crafts/baking sounds really good.

😉

I agree with this. Christmas is really about the kids. Its nice for her to have a friend there, especially as she does not have fellow children (siblings) to share Christmas events with. Let her have her friend there.

her friend said to me she’d asked her mum and can do the tree decorating part

What did you reply to her? I would have said something along the lines of...

'No, Molly, as I said before this is something we do as a family. You can come and play with Edith on a different day when we're not busy.'

It really is 😁

This nails it

What do you mean ‘Have you thought about what that really means for a young person?’

Are you shaming me for having only one child, although I couldn’t have more? She has a wonderful life with lots of friends all around her and undivided love and attention from her parents

But the friend is always there and OP has had enough. You can’t always be led by children. This is not an unusual concept!

Nope. You've made that up about shaming you. My comment isn't really about being an only child. It is about childhood friendships. But only you and DD know how close she is to this girl. If they are really close then I think it's worth considering having her present.

Edited to add:

I remember how close I was to my best friend at aged 7 and wanted to do everything with her. I was one of 4 children. But i don't know if this girl is your DDs best friend or not.

Yes, this. And Christmas trees would not have been a thing in Jesus' household.

Op, hold firm.
Family time is lovely. Family Christmas traditions make lovely memories, for our children as well as for ourselves.

It is a totally different dynamic when children have their friends involved.

Friend can come over on the following day.
Lots of lovely ideas on how to make that visit special and Christmassy.

Yeah, the more I read the OP’s post the more unreasonable I think she is.

OP if you force DD into family time now, when she has no choice but to go along with what you want, she will be less likely to choose to participate in family time in the future.

Also anyone calling the neighbour child a brat, pushy or whatever else needs to have a word with themselves.