To ask you what is the worst thing your MIL has done or said to you?

[IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour]

I’ll start. We lost a baby at 25 weeks pregnant, a little girl, the whole situation was awful. 6 months later I was pregnant with a little boy and we waited until 20+ weeks to tell anyone about him because we were nervous (understandably).

We phoned MIL on speaker phone to tell her our happy news about the new baby (we already had a son) and her first response was ‘well when am I going to get some granddaughters?’

There are many more examples but this really took the biscuit

I'm a MIL too. I would never say to my dil what my mil said to me. Even if the baby dil's presently carrying dies at 27 weeks, shortly after being born. Because I'm not just a MIL, I'm also a decent human.

When I became pregnant with number one baby we had been married 8 years, not because there were problems conceiving but, as my mother said to MIL we were enjoying life too much, my MIL's very first words on hearing that her first grandchild was en route said How will you manage his meals when you're in hospital?
When number 1 was about 14 months old we told her that number 2 was on the way and her words were Oh, you're like bloody rabbits! Her two were about 11 years apart.
Luckily we lived abroad so we didn't have to put up with much from either grandma.

Mine don't sound bad but it is something that I always have at the back of my mind. It's like this is what she really thinks. When you have low self esteem and someone basically confirms what you think about yourself. Not about my babies cos of course they are the best to me.

I'd Just had my 2nd baby and she made a comment that her other child's baby was more special because they were conceived via ivf. My husband did say um all babies are special.

That shop workers are not the brightest.

I love my MIL but she disappointed me deeply this year when BILs gf was trying to bully me, I told her about it to try and get some support as it was making family events unbearable and she said she “didn’t want to take sides”

Boy, mine is nothing compared to this. But the one I'll always remember is MIL came over a few days after we'd brough DC1 home as a newborn.

I felt pretty contented and calm. Our flat was a bit untidy, but not dirty or unhygienic. MIL was continually looking around as though the place was piled up with toxic waste, which upset me it itself, and then complained about the state of the place and when DH ushered her firmly out, she said we were 'clearly not coping' - we were very happy and relaxed until she came along!

I don't think you need to take this personally. I am sure she knows not all MILs are awful.

I love my MIL but she did come to stay when my DD was just out of 10 days in NICU to "help". All she did was hold baby when I wanted to and ask when meals would be....I had a meltdown outside which she must have heard as she ws much better after. Not had any issues since. She can be a bit manipulative to get her own way but my DH now sees it too so supports me in challenging her. I feel so sorry for you all PP with your horrid stories. How can people be so awful - do they have friends and other family relationships that work?

What the actual fuck?
she was happy to put her new GCs health at harm

Too many to list but one of the worst is when I got into an argument over the barbie movie (yep) with my bill and he got so angry he tried to hit me, she later said, I brought it on my self and that I wanted him to hit me in order to cause a falling out and that she hoped I would die. She said it in another language but that's the translation of it. Needless to say we dont have any contact with any of them. My crime by the way was letting bil know Disney didnt make the barbie movie. Yes , hard to believe but that's how it all started... 🤦‍♀️

Thats awful... just a year? What a shame it wasn't longer

My MIL decided that me spending the last 3 hours of my gran’s life by her bedside and being there when she passed, (which wasn’t peaceful), didn’t warrant any kind of condolences (not even a text) as a grandmother wasn’t a close enough relative.

I'm guessing you completely missed the second paragraph where I sympathised with her?

I had been at the hospital all day and found out we had lost our much wanted 2nd baby after lots of medical procedures and 5 rounds of ivf to conceive.
We came home and father in law brought back my son, asked a bit about how it went, we told him I was actively miscarrying and he put our telly on to watch the football.
My husband asked him to leave. He's never apologised and wonders why we don't want to spend much time with him.

He's a rude, entitled, thankless man that people tolerate rather than actively like.

A rude, entitled thankless man whose own family don't like him who was nevertheless willing to offer them childcare when it was needed.

I'm truly sorry for your loss but it does sound as though you are projecting a lot of rage and grief onto the nearest target.

What a fucked up perspective.

Reasonable people would be upset that their child is losing a child, an at least acknowledge it, don’t you think? What’s providing childcare (looking after his own grandchild while his own child is going through a trauma) got to do with it?

Wishing our daughter would have a disability so we would suffer as she'd suffered (BIL has profound autism) Guess what? DD also has profound autism, now whilst MIL didn't cause our DD to have profound autism by wishing it upon her, I can't forgive her for wishing it.

I miscarried my second pregnancy. My now ex mil was utterly awful about it. It was nearly 9 years ago and I’ve never forgotten or forgiven it. About 3 days after it happened I was told to come back to hospital after another bleed as they were worried about internal bleeding. I was specifically told NOT to drive myself. I called my mum but she was out at some event and we couldn’t get hold of her so my now exh called his parents to ask if they could babysit ds1 who was in bed. Ex mil answered and said no because they were tired. Eventually got hold of my mum who came round immediately. Exh took me to hospital where I had “retained products” removed from my cervix. Meanwhile ex mil was texting him saying “cadburyegg will just have to get on with it”. I was admitted and put on a drip. I could tell exh was cross but didn’t say anything to her. They didn’t message him again to ask how I was until over 24 hours later. Two days later I had a scan and had surgery two days after that. No help offered with ds1 whatsoever. When we saw them next I was still dosed up on painkillers and antibiotics and ex mil just went on and on about how they had a cold and the GP wouldn’t give them antibiotics 🙄 I had three weeks off work sick, which she thought was “very nice of them under the circumstances” even though I very rarely have a day off work sick ever and they used to call in sick for every little thing.

I am sorry so many of you have evil MIL. Mine was a wonderful, welcoming person.

Mine takes the "death by a thousand papercuts" approach.

Some examples are;
Asking me if I could think of anything I've done to cause it while I was having a miscarriage at 14 weeks.
Waiting until we asked for help (the only time we've ever asked) with them watching DD when I was going into hospital to have DS. Knowing full well they were our only option as the friends we'd made arrangements with were sick and we didn't want to risk passing it to the baby and my mum isn't capable, they booked a long weekend to coincide with my C-section so DH ended up missing DS's birth and I had to have surgery alone.
Looking at me when I was dressed up for a black tie event when DH and I had already been together 10 years and saying "oh you look ok today, I can see what he saw in you" as if it had been a complete mystery for the previous decade.
Telling me that she was surprised it had worked out between DH and I because "fat girls usually struggle to get a good husband" to be clear I was a size 14/16 at the the time and she was substantially larger than me.
Constantly sending me post and addressing me by dhs surname despite the fact I kept my own name.
Picking our house apart, oven isn't clean enough, garden isn't tidy enough etc etc etc. Apparently it's all my fault, nothing to do with her son who also lives here.
Criticising me for having a girl first, because she had 3 boys so that's what everyone should do.
Criticising me for working and abandoning my family when I'm working, criticising me for sponging off her son when I'm not.
I could go on, and on, and on. Basically my crime is marrying her firstborn, the good looking, clever, successful one of her boys, and not dropping to my knees in appreciation 24/7.

We see them about once a month, it's more than enough.

I could not handle seeing my MIL once a month! She has visited five times in the children’s lifetime, my eldest is 15

Just remember all of you who have so sons, one day you’ll be a mil. You’ll try your best but it won’t be good enough and while her own mum can make mistakes and be forgiven you never will be treated the same way. Just think how it would be if you could no longer see your ds.

I am polite, sociable and very welcoming to my MIL. I have been taught to be that way and it is just who I am anyway, and would have liked a good relationship with her - my own mum isn’t with us anymore so it would have been nice. But, she is nice to my face and then says awful things to my husband about me and my dad and brother. Truly awful things and I still smile and am polite. Most people would have said enough many years ago, but I’m polite for my husbands sake. All of the MIL’s who have come on and said we should be more accepting - you are probably pleasant and nice to your DIL’s. Not all MIL’s are like that.

And yes @Makingadecision of course the dil will be closer to her own mother, but a close relationship can be formed if the mil allows it. Some of us would have liked that but it wasn’t meant to be. I have a son and will never be like my mil has been to me.

She never actually said anything nice. She took over our wedding,we had "her" wedding because she was a bully, changed it and the reception venue 3 times! My DDs were bridesmaids, she said "everyone said how nice you looked", she obviously didn't think so, said "did you realise your dress was transparent" it wasn't,it was lined crepe, the picture was a shadow of a tree. "Everyone said how nice* hair was, well I preferred it when she cut it herself". DD was 9 at the wedding,at 2 years old, she got hold of the scissors (son had been cutting his hair) hacked her waist length ringletts off to eat level. My oldest DS got married, she took over reception, failed to turn up at the wedding, which was held up for her, told lies. We went NC 16 years ago.

Cut her waist length hair to ear level, not eat!