reading these, some make me so angry, and some so sad.
name changed as I’ve told some of mine to people I know on MN and I don’t want them to see my other posts.
But basically she and her husband were of the opinion their sons were amazing and us DIL were so ‘lucky’ to have them. Both DIL have brought more in financially while covering the lions share of general life and childcare admin.
they themselves have been boring as anything since I met them 25 years ago. No get up and go. No friends. No interests. They just watch tv and read the daily fail. And are obsessed with how much others spend on things (I respond with a ‘that’s nice’ or ‘- gazillion dollars if they ask how much something cost, or say I can’t remember where it’s from or they ask as they like to then look it up). They are obsessed withtelling us about what others earn, issues in the country due to migrants, don’t hang around with gay people as you may catch it. Etc etc. including infront of the kids which is totally inappropriate (I do change the topic or shush them - and contact is now limited with the children and never unsupervised). Food is served in ‘penis portions’ - men get a food plate of food, women something minuscule the size of an appetiser. DH didn’t notice for a long time, but once pointed out r learnt to share his plate with me, infront of them, if he didn’t want a hangey wife when we were staying there (I used to pack snacks, but it annoyed me that men were served food, and first, and I was lucky to get 1/3 of the portion).
no boundaries. Such as opening bank statements and commenting on how money was spent (bank statements then sent to our house). Snooping through our bedside draws, bank statements in our house, drs letters etc (none out on show, you had to look for them). I kept on wondering how she knew stuff till I caught her in the act, then found out she had been doing it at her other sons house.
i’d invite them to stay and look after dc repeatedly (nursery paid for, so not needed as childcare, but they cried if they weren’t allowed to for 4-5 days every three weeks or so) but then got upset if I didn’t like them feeding nothing but sweets all day for days on end, but would get equally upset if I left instructions for food for the DC as I obviously didn’t trust them, and they’d raised 2 kids fine and knew what they were doing. I was a DIL from hell per them as I didn’t like the snooping, and wanted my DC to have basic food needs met and brush their teeth. She’d throw major strops every now and then, threaten to leave and never come back etc etc. at first I tried to appease her, but then I just said fine.
I stopped all effort. Inviting them. Doing any legwork. Told DH he had to host them not me, invite them, sort bedding and food for them etc etc, and somehow they were only invited every 3-6 months after that. I dropped the rope. They were welcome. But I made no effort apart from a cup of tea and some chat.
she has mellowed. I pointed out her sons were the lucky ones and why. And she got it. Finally. But it was too late. I wish we had had a better relationship throughout.
She has been a shit MIL. She’s sad, lonely, and I feel sorry for her. And a wierd kind of love. I now have to encourage DH to spend time with her and FIL, they are old and sick and do not have long left. But he finds them hard work and frustrating. They are. But they always have been. And as he used to say to me when I was frustrated by their ‘little woman’ attitude to me, I now say back ‘it’s just how they are’.