DD moved in with Ex full time, now her schedule seems dangerous

[Eradics]

DD is 12, she’s in Y7. My ex and I made the decision for her to stay with her dad during the week, her school is much closer to his. She comes home every other weekend but is welcome at anytime.
DD is extremely sporty, not really overly attached to one sport but enjoys engaging in lots of sports and tends to rotate summer and winter sports.

Her summer sports are Volleyball, Athletics and she has done a couple of surf camps in the summer holidays.
Winter she does Ice Skating, Gymnastics and she always goes skiing for a week in February, sometimes over new years with her dad too.
Year round she does tennis. I think her schedule currently is insane.

Right now

Tuesday and Thursday before school she has a private tennis lesson, Wednesday after school she goes to a tennis class at our gym, mainly just a chance to get some match play as she doesn’t want to compete. Monday and Friday after school she does gymnastics, it’s just a recreational class as again no intention to compete. Saturday morning she has ice skating. Sometimes she asks to go to the indoor snow slope nearby on the weekend too.
Summer is similar in terms of intensity.

When she lived with me full time I’d never have allowed sports basically every day, especially not as she doesn’t want to compete, I think rest and exploring other interests is important. She was learning to play piano but that seems to have dropped off in favour of sports.

AIBU to think this is too much and it needs to be managed better?

Sounds insane to me but no Idea how it is dangerous, if she is happy i would have no issues if not affecting school in anyway

You say it's too intense but then say some of the sports should be replaced with other hobbies such as piano so it would still be as intense. As above, if shes happy and it's not affecting school I don't see the issue.

I think it’s better if it’s recreational rather than competitive as she’s getting the exercise, social interaction and working on techniques etc without pressure of competing. Presumably they’re all an hour session? It depends on the travel time and how it fits around food, homework, showers etc but I don’t think it’s necessarily that bad - the before school lessons sound tight but she’s obviously really motivated and you/XH are managing to take her everywhere so good for her and you. Is she managing her homework? Better than hours of brain rot every day!

I would be happy her dad is supporting her interests and she’s healthy and happy. This is fine in year 7. By GCSE / mocks time she might need to do less but you can cross that bridge later…

She seems to manage homework okay. After school it’s gymnastics which is 6:30-8:30 twice a week, but school finishes at 3.30 so time for homework and dinner before she goes. Tennis is just an hour on Wednesdays 5-6 so time for homework before or after.
I don’t fully understand the private lessons if she doesn’t want to compete. She seems to enjoy it though and her entire Christmas list is sports related (skateboard, new tennis rackets and bag, new skis).
I think the variety is good in terms of not overusing any one muscle group and she enjoys it.
I forgot she also goes to park run with her dad before ice skating most weeks she’s at his!

I think once a week per sport would be more reasonable and leave more time to just be bored or see friends.

That was pretty much my daughter's kind of schedule at that age. All at her request, and she loved all the activities. Unlike me she was a naturally active person who loved her sports and was good at them all.

Unless you feel that your ex is pushing these things on your DD, I'd leave her alone.

Sounds absolutely fine at that age so long as it's driven by the child - which is what it sounds like. She's lucky her Dad is supporting her so much.

Once a week for sport wouldn’t be much and her friends are probably also doing activities anyway. I don’t hunk the schedule is a problem

I did sport every day when I was a teen, often twice a day (practice for school teams morning or lunch time, then a club after school). I didn't compete really other than on school teams. Didn't find it that intense. Had plenty of time for drama, church, watching crappy TV, reading, going out with friends and a boyfriend too (and I did all my homework!).

Has she really dropped piano because she doesn't have time or because she enjoys sport more?

How lovely that she is so sporty and not consumed by screens and social media. Mooching around the house, monosyllabic with a hoody up, ensconced in her room.

I note she asked to do extras (ski slope) at weekends too so she must feel her energy levels are up for it.

If her academic performance is up to scratch and she’s getting her homework done and not yawning from tiredness all the time, with your support, Id let her crack on. The only thing I might do and to avoid strops at the time, is to start gently drip feeding that she might have to cut back as she edges closer to GCSE and A level prep’ but otherwise be proud that she’s healthy, active, socially adept and enjoying a wholesome life. It could be so much worse.

I think her schedule is fine if she’s enjoying it and doesn’t feel pressured. It’s very similar to my daughter’s dance schedule at the minute. I love how she’s socialising and exercising rather than doom scrolling for hours on end. My daughter knows if she does not keep up with school work it will all be reevaluated. I’d leave her to it and be glad she leaves her room 😂

Sport once a week and sit around doing what exactly for the other 6 days?

In her room, on a games console, watching tv, doom scrolling social media on her phone?

Do you feel it’s a little different as it’s one sport? Does your DD compete?

I think I would feel differently if she was competing as it would justify the time. However she has done a few little tennis comps and done well but said she didn’t like competing and it’s more fun to just play, gymnastics suggested moving her onto their intermediate competition pathway, she didn’t want to as it would have meant investing more time.
The only competing she does is the summer athletics and even that is only if she is asked to by the team.

I meant each sport once a week, so tennis once, ice skating once, gymnastics once. She could use her free time to explore other hobbies, see friends, read, play her piano etc.

It sounds like you don't understand the concept of sport for enjoyment and think it needs to be competitive for some reason.

Leave her to it. As she gets older some of these interests may drop away but if they don't its not an issue unless she can't handle it alongside school work.

Are you perhaps a bit jealous that your ex can fund all these activities when maybe you couldn't?

I think I’m just not used to having a sporty child. I have two older boys who are very academic. DD couldn’t be more different, it’s a bit of an adjustment. She also didn’t get into the same school as her brothers and it seems the academic load at her school is lower than at her brothers so I’m just not really sure what’s reasonable.

So sport one session per day? I mean that’s pretty much the healthy life recommendation isn’t it? It will be less intense just training as games are always more intensity, so sounds perfectly reasonable. My 10yo likes sport, I think he does 7 sessions a week and it will be 8 in football season. Surf school in summer.

There's really nothing unreasonable about her sport schedule. She's presumably happy with it?

The only thing I would watch out for is that it isn’t to manage weight and body image. I say that because not competing is quite unusual- if you enjoy sport then I can’t imagine not wanting to get better and competing is pretty key to that, it’s kind of the point of tennis, which involves someone on the other side of the net playing against you.

I guess it feels a lot as there is also school PE, cycling to and from school most days. Gymnastics is 2 hours per session, Saturdays often has park run too on top of ice skating, time out on the trampoline, meeting up with friends to play 5 a side on the weekends, and a now found love for going to the skate park.
Summer holidays always includes tennis camp, surf camp and sometimes a 3rd camp which I guess makes sense as we don’t have enough annual leave to be around but it does feel like she never stops moving!

She enjoys playing against friends and sometimes has asked if I’ll book a court just for her to play against a friend. She did try competing but she said it wasn’t as fun and she just enjoys playing. She does like getting better and she has been told she could compete many times, she just isn’t interested. There is also a whole issue of indecision where if she did compete in one sport she would probably have to reduce time spent on others and she can’t decide which sports she likes the best!
One of her close friends has a tennis court at her home (very fancy unlike us!) and I think DD sometimes likes to just “show off” by being better than her friends!

If she wants to do it all then its absolutely bloody brilliant. So many girls stop doing sports around this age and that has a long term impact on their health and fitness. I would encourage her and be happy for her.
My 14 year old DD has volleyball training 3 times a week (4.5 hours in total) plus matches about once a month and I absolutely encourage it for her health, fitness self esteem and friendship outside of school.

My 7 year old has a pretty intense schedule too - Mondays and Wednesdays ice hockey for 1.5 hours (in winter, in summer he has football those days), Tuesdays he has an hour of multisports club in the afternoon then 75 minutes of wrestling in the evening (which he also wants to compete in), Thursdays is scouts so not sports but still quite active, Fridays is circus school which is also very active, and then weekends there is sometimes ice hockey matches (football in summer) and possibly wrestling matches in the near future. He loves it all and doesn't want to drop anything, if he could he'd join more clubs!

But she’s fit and healthy.
what is ‘dangerous’ about this?
you don’t seem to like her. She’s not like your sons. She’s not academic.
she is ‘showing off’ with her sport.
she’s not bringing you glory by competing (which would have compensated for not getting into her brothers’ school?)
your dislike of her personality is not that subtle.

You won’t excel at a sport doing it once a week, and that’s the buzz - getting stronger, beating your PBs etc. Ice skating or playing tennis (my boy plays tennis) is pointless once a week. I assume she is seeing ‘friends’ at tennis, swimming, ice skating etc. The time imo is justified simply because she enjoys it.

My daughter doesn’t compete, she does three amateur shows a year and she’s done a couple of exams (she’s 13). Currently she’s dancing 1-2hrs on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. On top of this she dances in the school dance team Wednesday lunch and Wednesday after school before her regular dance classes. I’m happy for her to do this as long as her school work is up to scratch- the only pressure surrounding this is on my purse.

She can still recite Gilmore Girls word for word, has healthy relationships with friends (both dancers and non dancers!) eats more McDonald’s with mates than I’d like and has managed to strike up a ‘friendship’ with a new lad called Harry! Embrace her energy, so many teenagers don’t come out of their room!

This is all being said presuming your daughter is in good mental health, does not display disordered eating and your not concerned in relation to ‘over excercising’ in a negative way with regards to weight. This is always at the back of my mind due to the prevalence of disordered eating and dancers/performers.

i think it’s positive, she mostly exercises for an hour each day, sometimes two and so it’s not all day every day. It’s something she loves and she clearly loves improving her technique. If only more kids were this active instead of sitting on their bums for hours.