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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD moved in with Ex full time, now her schedule seems dangerous

130 replies

Eradics · 21/11/2025 03:35

DD is 12, she’s in Y7. My ex and I made the decision for her to stay with her dad during the week, her school is much closer to his. She comes home every other weekend but is welcome at anytime.
DD is extremely sporty, not really overly attached to one sport but enjoys engaging in lots of sports and tends to rotate summer and winter sports.

Her summer sports are Volleyball, Athletics and she has done a couple of surf camps in the summer holidays.
Winter she does Ice Skating, Gymnastics and she always goes skiing for a week in February, sometimes over new years with her dad too.
Year round she does tennis. I think her schedule currently is insane.

Right now

Tuesday and Thursday before school she has a private tennis lesson, Wednesday after school she goes to a tennis class at our gym, mainly just a chance to get some match play as she doesn’t want to compete. Monday and Friday after school she does gymnastics, it’s just a recreational class as again no intention to compete. Saturday morning she has ice skating. Sometimes she asks to go to the indoor snow slope nearby on the weekend too.
Summer is similar in terms of intensity.

When she lived with me full time I’d never have allowed sports basically every day, especially not as she doesn’t want to compete, I think rest and exploring other interests is important. She was learning to play piano but that seems to have dropped off in favour of sports.

AIBU to think this is too much and it needs to be managed better?

OP posts:
Acommonreader · 21/11/2025 17:27

Eradics · 21/11/2025 04:45

Do you feel it’s a little different as it’s one sport? Does your DD compete?

I think I would feel differently if she was competing as it would justify the time. However she has done a few little tennis comps and done well but said she didn’t like competing and it’s more fun to just play, gymnastics suggested moving her onto their intermediate competition pathway, she didn’t want to as it would have meant investing more time.
The only competing she does is the summer athletics and even that is only if she is asked to by the team.

I find it quite sad that you would’ justify the time’ if she was competing. But think it’s ‘ insane’ and ‘ dangerous’ to be doing it just for fun.
She sounds active and happy. Kudos to dad for supporting so much sport!

taxi4ballet · 21/11/2025 17:48

Eradics · 21/11/2025 08:52

DD eats really well, she hasn’t started her period but she’s only just turned 12?

She eats a similar amount as her 15 year old brother. Shes tall and slim but I wouldn’t say underweight.

She is probably gearing up for a growth spurt and that is danger time when it comes to injuries. The bones lengthen quicker than the muscles do, which have to stretch further than normal while they catch up, and that puts an additional strain on ligaments and tendons. Prime time for joint damage.

I had a dd with boundless energy who did hours and hours of dance every week, and there are times when you have to say enough is enough. Their bodies need time to repair themselves, and any kind of small niggling twinge can become a long-term issue if it isn't given time to sort itself out. They very much need down time.

Rest days need to be built into training schedules, whatever the activity.

ContinuewithGoogle · 21/11/2025 17:52

Rest days ok, but they don't mean doing NOTHING. You don't spend the day on the sofa on your rest day, you just don't do they heavy training.

ParmaVioletTea · 21/11/2025 19:24

An hour a day of sports such as tennis are not the same as multiple dance classes each week, plus all day Saturday ... Ballet & other dance forms make quite extreme demands on bodies - far more than other sports particularly if those sports are recreational, rather than being played competitively .

ParmaVioletTea · 21/11/2025 19:27

I think I would feel differently if she was competing as it would justify the time. However she has done a few little tennis comps and done well but said she didn’t like competing and it’s more fun to just play,

Goodness me, no wonder she prefers to live with her father! What a negative attitude to your DD and what she enjoys.

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