DD moved in with Ex full time, now her schedule seems dangerous

[Eradics]

DD is 12, she’s in Y7. My ex and I made the decision for her to stay with her dad during the week, her school is much closer to his. She comes home every other weekend but is welcome at anytime.
DD is extremely sporty, not really overly attached to one sport but enjoys engaging in lots of sports and tends to rotate summer and winter sports.

Her summer sports are Volleyball, Athletics and she has done a couple of surf camps in the summer holidays.
Winter she does Ice Skating, Gymnastics and she always goes skiing for a week in February, sometimes over new years with her dad too.
Year round she does tennis. I think her schedule currently is insane.

Right now

Tuesday and Thursday before school she has a private tennis lesson, Wednesday after school she goes to a tennis class at our gym, mainly just a chance to get some match play as she doesn’t want to compete. Monday and Friday after school she does gymnastics, it’s just a recreational class as again no intention to compete. Saturday morning she has ice skating. Sometimes she asks to go to the indoor snow slope nearby on the weekend too.
Summer is similar in terms of intensity.

When she lived with me full time I’d never have allowed sports basically every day, especially not as she doesn’t want to compete, I think rest and exploring other interests is important. She was learning to play piano but that seems to have dropped off in favour of sports.

AIBU to think this is too much and it needs to be managed better?

Sounds very healthy for a teenage girl. There's a huge drop off in sport participation in that age group and you have one who wants to do stuff, embrace it! She has a good variety, she's happy. Lots of kids would be doing many more hours than that and still doing well at school. Often the busy ones are more organised.

It's weird that you'd be happy with lots of time devoted just to one sport if your daughter were competing, but you don't like/are worried by her doing a variety of activities for enjoyment only. That's your imbalance, not hers, and it's a pretty fucked up way to think. She has a really healthy attitude, throwing herself into life, trying lots of things, doing what feels good and worthwhile for her. It sounds like she's living in the right home to be supported for who she is (not who you wish she could be). I think back off, and maybe work on your own beliefs about success, value, self-worth, etc.

If she’s happy and seems able to handle it, I’d leave her but keep an eye which admittedly is hard to do if you just see her every other weekend. Ask dad to.

Congratulations on having a sporty daughter!! Don’t discourage her! So many early secondary school age give up sport. The benefits of sport in terms of health, socialising, self esteem, belonging to a “tribe” are so important. My DD is 14. She now “only” does kickboxing and cricket (year round). She ‘s given up football, but only to make way for more music, so her schedule is still pretty full. However, she’s doing well at school, does her homework, has a good group of friends, amongst both her peers and older/younger years, very strong, fit and confident. Sport is good!

Sorry OP, you're way off on this. What she's doing sounds healthy and normal. She's enjoying herself, keeping fit, seeing friends, but you actually want her to be bored? She's certainly doing nothing dangerous. You should be encouraging her instead of trying to stop her.

Your comment about time wasting if it’s not competitive is a huge red flag. Aside from that, it does seem like she has a huge amount of energy that she needs to burn off and is doing so in a healthy way.

YABU. Sport every day is very healthy and protective of your DD’s body into old age.

Her schedule sounds busy but hardly “insane”. What would you prefer her to do - scroll on social media all day?

The only reservation I’d have is that I’d want to be sure her diet is good, balanced and healthy, so she’s not in a calorie deficit, so important to keep her strength up.

It sounds fine to me. Lucky girl having all these activities.

My DD does 2.5 hours gymnastics x 4 nights a week plus 4 hours at the weekend. I’m just glad she’s not sitting in her room staring at a screen (although she seems to find plenty of time for that too). It’s going to be a challenge when she starts GCSEs though.

i think girls doing sports is brilliant as so many give up sports as teens.

I think the only thing that matters is if she enjoys it and wants to do it. I dont believe in forcing kids to do extra curricular activities that they dont want to do but if shes happy with it then great!
My daughter is the same and does absolutely nothing. Neither do her friends. She used to do kick boxing, brownies etc but that's all fell away now. I'd much rather her do things like your child

“Especially as she doesn’t want to compete …”

what a strange reason to prevent a child having fun, doing physical activities , making differnt friends and building a healthy lifestyle

its too much if her grades drop , if she decides to give something up

This was my first thought too. OP, has your dd started her period? Is she underweight? Too much exercise and not eating enough for a very active lifestyle could result in losing your periods or not starting at all.

I don't understand at all why this would bother you?

Especially not why it would be fine with you if she were competing - why would the danger element be fine then but isn't now?

Some people are just like this. My boss is late 40s and has a similar schedule - yesterday she did a 10 k run, cycled 5 miles to the office, and was muttering about hitting the gym afterwards

So many young girls have no hobbies and spend a lot of time on their phone hones and social media. Your daughter is being active but doesn’t seem excessive to me. Sounds like she loves the social contact. She is exercising and meeting people. What is there to moan about?

The NHS recommends everyone under the age of 18 years old do at least 1 hour of exercise a day. There is nothing worrying about the amount of exercise she is doing.

That's only 6 sessions if I've counted correctly. 12 year old swimmers will often do 9 x 2hr training sessions a week with some days having both before and after school sessions. Then there will be S&C and swim meets on top. I don't think it sounds too much if she enjoys it and her school work isn't suffering then why not.

DD eats really well, she hasn’t started her period but she’s only just turned 12?

She eats a similar amount as her 15 year old brother. Shes tall and slim but I wouldn’t say underweight.

I did similar at that age, I think we forget as we get older, quite how much more energy young people have!

I used to go to the gym before school 2 mornings a week, basketball or netball most lunchtimes and 2/3 days after school for training or matches, trampolining after school. Weekends would be either matches or I’d go swimming, play tennis or go for bike rides. Still found time for homework/ friends, etc.

Being a sporty teen keeps you out of trouble! It also builds good habits for when you’re an adult.

Busy yes, could even call overwhelming (doesnt sound like it is for your dd) but dangerous?

I would be led by your dd, if she wants to stop and dad not allowing it then there is an issue. If they are expecting you to do more lifts than you csn manage speak up. Otherwise leave it be.

I think I’m just worried as they are all pretty impact heavy sports, I don’t want her getting hurt.
I feel if it were one sport the coaches would be more aware of exactly how much she was doing and be more conscious of injuries. Where as with lots of different hobbies they may not be as aware?
I know everyone is saying 1 hour a day is ideal, but she is already cycling about 20 minutes each way to and from school, doing PE, doing sports lunchtime clubs. Then if she is out with friends it’s pretty much a guarantee they are being sporty too. She plays 5 a side with some boys basically every Thursday evening, has started going to a local skate park. On a Saturday she will do ice skating then come home and either go out with friends and play more sports or she will be jumping on the trampoline if it’s dry. In the weekends with her dad she will do park run before ice skating then he often takes her out on long walks.

She is definitely doing much more than 1 hour of physical activity a day.

If she enjoys it, is getting her school work done and has not asked to stop, leave her be.
Could it be you don't want her doing it as it takes time away she could be spending with you? That would be understandable.

I listened to a podcast not so long ago that had Helen Glover on and, if I remember correctly, she did loads of different sports not necessarily seriously but in decent amounts before starting rowing and her and her coaches reckoned that was what made her as an athlete in the end.

I think it's great that her interests are supported my her dad.

DH and I are the same with our children and facilitate and support their interests the best we can.

It would be different if she was being dragged out the door against her will or if she wasn't getting her homework done etc.

not sure why you think its dangerous?