Cringing at DDs behaviour, asking her to stop sending the videos to the family GC

[Reoile]

We have a massive family group chat, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. It’s pretty active and it is used as a supplement to social media for the most part, so imagine a lot of the things people might share on social media but in the group chat.

My DD is 25, she’s recently started dating a guy who 30 and he earns incredibly well. As such DD is now getting spoiled. I cannot help but cringe at all the “look at my new Hermes bag” posts or her out on boat days just acting a bit of a fool, popping champagne in clubs etc. I appreciate she is happy but it just comes across very cringey.
I know the rest of the family feel the same, it’s also very much openly assumed that she will be using cocaine in her new found circle.

WIBU to tell her to maybe not send these into the group chat as whether it’s fair or not the family are judging?

I don't know, what's really wrong with it? You sound a bit envious tbh.

None of you sound very nice.

They’re judging her doing lovely things with a nice partner? What sort of things do you normally post on the group chat? Maybe you could all try actually being happy for her?

Ugh, this happened to a friend of mine who had a very generous and wealthy boyfriend. When he ended it (without much notice) he asked for everything back.

I think it depends on how it is done, how often it is and your family dynamic.

We have a similar wider family group chat, and one of the Grandchildren is moving in different circles from the rest of us. I don't know if it is different, because this is her job that has put her in these circles that are out of the experience of the rest of us? But we are, on the whole, pretty pleased for her. She's in her 20s, living her best life, and, yes, that involves mixing with some celebrities, going to places and events that are all paid for on expenses, attending events that none of us are ever likely to go to (and yes, that means she dresses for them - think 'red carpet' stuff).
She doesn't flaunt it, but that is her life in so much as her cousin puts in pictures of his baby. Each one of them puts things in the chat, and we all enjoy seeing them being independent adults, happy with their lives.

Generally, when it is a person you love, you are pleased for them to be doing well. She gets a bit of 'ribbing' now and then as part of the general family banter we all take part in, and she takes it with good grace and gives as good as she gets.

Your family are openly discussing your daughter’s cocaine use, have you told her?

How certain are you that she is using cocaine? That seems a heck of a leap from getting designer gifts from a new boyfriend.

Nah, this is the actual daughter/niece/grandchild/sister/cousin that you all have. She's sharing what she wants you to know about. Go with it and roll your eyes quietly or not at all.

“it’s also very much openly assumed that she will be using cocaine in her new found circle”

Bizarre!

That’s quite a jump from champagne and Hermes to cocaine. You don’t think very highly of her, do you?

If you can't share fun 'bragy' things with your family then who can you share them with??

She probably assumes you all want to see her happy and having fun.

You can only choose how to respond to her posts or leave the group/mute the chat, that's all you can control really. Cocaine thing is odd.

I find this cringe when people do it on FB so would find it cringe if it was a family member.

if no one thumbs up, comments etc. then she'll probably stop soon.

At least shes open about it. I have a pal on FB who takes pictures of e.g. a pint and makes sure his Gucci wallet or a Selfridges bag is always casually placed on the table just in shot 😂

I think the cocaine assumption has come from cousins who are familiar with the type of people she is hanging around with. I don’t think it’s that unknown that cocaine use in Londons “posh” clubs is common.
I think the cringing comes from her sharing the TikTok’s she’s making. A lot of the group think she’s trying to become some sort of influencer with her yacht days and expensive gifts. Considering some members of the family are hardly getting by it does read as very braggy and out of touch.
I do think there is some jealousy too though, such as lots of her cousins/uncles/grandad are massive F1 fans. She’s watched Monaco Grand Prix from a yacht, had paddock passes for Silverstone and now she’s out at Las Vegas for this one, despite having never watched a race in her life before this.

Well, you raised her. Are Hermes bags things that you wanted in life yourself, or did you openly not like that sort of ostentatiousness? Are your family well off or not so well off? Have you met the boyfriend? Does he treat her nicely? Does she like him or is she using him?

If some members of the family are 'barely getting by' then yes, I'd tell her to think about her audience and not share them in the group chat. I'd approach it from that point of view though rather than her being 'cringey'.

She's probably high as fuck and doesn't give a shit right

Why aren't you happy your child gets to enjoy these things?

You sound like my MIL and SIL who are deeply jealous that DH gets to enjoy the lifestyle he does (yes his hard work in our business but also a lot of family wealth my side passed on) because they it doesn't benefit them.

All it has meant is that I am even less likely to include them in anything because I know there is a level of expectation which is deeply, deeply unpleasant. So unless you want to end up where they are down the line get over yourself. And if the relationship doesn't work out she's added to her life experiences. Again, why would you not want that?!

It’s a real slur on her character to say she must be taking Coke based on assumptions - start there

'I know the rest of the family feel the same, it’s also very much openly assumed that she will be using cocaine in her new found circle.'

Why do your family feel so comfortable talking about your DD like that to you? I couldn't imagine talking with my siblings/parents/cousins like this about the younger generation. We'd just be happy that they are happy. You and your family sound toxic. Your poor DD, family should have each other's back, especially their own children.

Lucky her, it sounds like she is having a lovely time and enjoying herself! I would personally say its more cringy that her own family is judging her and assuming she is now a druggie.

She sounds like she's having a blast! Tbh, it's not something I could ever had done, allowing someone to pay all that money for me but if she's happy, lol, fine.

People do get jealous though and it's an ugly trait to have.

tell the police!!!!

It’d be different if it was her Instagram etc, but family group chat? Why do they all need a video of her new handbag?

They should just start sending lol emojis or ignoring