Cringing at DDs behaviour, asking her to stop sending the videos to the family GC

[Reoile]

We have a massive family group chat, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. It’s pretty active and it is used as a supplement to social media for the most part, so imagine a lot of the things people might share on social media but in the group chat.

My DD is 25, she’s recently started dating a guy who 30 and he earns incredibly well. As such DD is now getting spoiled. I cannot help but cringe at all the “look at my new Hermes bag” posts or her out on boat days just acting a bit of a fool, popping champagne in clubs etc. I appreciate she is happy but it just comes across very cringey.
I know the rest of the family feel the same, it’s also very much openly assumed that she will be using cocaine in her new found circle.

WIBU to tell her to maybe not send these into the group chat as whether it’s fair or not the family are judging?

I understand how you feel. I wouldn’t want my daughter to come across as an insensitive show off to the wider family when I know that she is actually a lovely young woman who is just a bit wrapped up in her own happiness at the moment

That’s quite presumptuous.
You have quite the low opinion of wealthy people.

What is a mess exactly?
A 25yo dating a wealthy man?

You sound wildly judgmental of those who have more than you.

I think it's fine to send a pic from las Vegas or on another holiday (e.g. pretty sunset, stunning beach, beautiful temple etc), but maybe have a quiet chat about how some family members are struggling to pay their bills. I think there's a big difference between "having a fab holiday, here we are on the beach/look at this awesome monument/how cool is this scenery/check out the monkeys in this jungle" and "I've just wanged £2000 on a designer handbag look at how rich i am". She won't really be able to post anything at all if you ban all "nice things" posts, but maybe discuss gently that, whilst it's lovely she's happy and has some great new experiences and material things, and whilst everyone loves seeing her holiday snaps and days out to exciting things, which may genuinely interest them, maybe some of the very purely material things like handbags, bottles of champagne, designer shoes and clothes and huge hotel rooms might be a bit insensitive to those choosing between heating and eating. I can see your point, but equally if she's now living the high life you're basically just saying everyone's so jealous they don't want to hear any of it at all, which I really hope isn't true. I personally can see why her uncle doesn't want to stare at a pic of a Hermes scarf but surely everyone wants to say "have a fab time in Bali" if she's off on a lovely holiday, the same way they'd say "have a fab time at center parcs/skeggy/camping" to anyone else in the group.

Why on earth would your family assume she's a coke-head??

Sometimes mothers are their children's first enemy

The tone of your post is really odd. You don’t sound like a mum talking about her child. You sound like you’re posting about a friend or sibling or something.

Did you miss out the openly assuming she sniffs? 😂

Prob cos much like champagne, the wealthy sniff it like a Vicks inhaler 😂

What's cringe about your daughter enjoying herself? Shouldn't you all just be happy for her?
You all sound jealous and cringey yourselves tbh.

I’m 50/50. Should she be enjoying her new love? Yes! Should she be flaunting her new wealth? I wouldn’t personally, feels a bit tone deaf, especially if others are struggling. I suppose it’s hard to find the line between sharing joy and flaunting, some people will always be jealous regardless.

She’s bringing glamour to the family what’s app. People should be enjoying the glimpse into this flash lifestyle. People will be jealous but that’s on them. Leave her be.

They all sound jealous of her getting treated to nice things to be honest and why are you nodding and agreeing with them all that she simply must be getting mixed up in cocaine etc? does your daughter actually see you all openly speculating that she's some sort of junkie?

You're concerned with the photos she's sending in a family gc but no that she's probably taking coaine? Wtaf get your priorities sorted

Sadly there are a lot of vain and narcissistic people out there. They want you to know the world revolves around them.

All the posts saying ‘the coke thing is bizarre’ come across as incredibly naive. As the poster said, her cousins have read the room and see the scene she’s hanging out in. Nothing hugely presumptuous about that at all. Sounds totally plausible.

OP - I’m normally very live and let live, but you explained it well - sounds like the posts are tone deaf given what she’s posting and who to. If I were you I would point out that she might want to be a bit sensitive about how she posts, and then leave her to it. I’m sure everyone loves her just the same, and it’ll likely be looked back on with amusement as ‘that phase’.

Also, comments like this: is there any need on MN, where people come for advice, to start hurling insults? Such a cheap shot and it makes MN an unpleasant place to be.

No, they're openly deciding that, because there's money involved, she's definitely going to use cocaine at some point in the future. From the post, there's no indication that she is doing it right now. It's just an assumption. And if I were the DD I'd be extremely angry and upset when (not if, because she will find out) that my family think so little of me. And that's not even touching on how I'd feel about them being as jealous as they so obviously are of my current situation!

sorry, you are talking about your OWN DD? Unless there is a reason you are concerned about her welfare, why on earth are you not thrilled she is living her best life?? If others a jealous, so be it but you should be on her side, every time. What is wrong with you?

I don't think it sounds like jealousy from the OP. Mum is cringing at her daughter showing off - especially the material things when other family members might be struggling financially - it's just tone deaf. However, younger people are from a generation where showing off to an audience on social media is the norm and the daughter probably doesn't realise that this is a different audience who might not be interested in her luxury lifestyle in the same way that her friends and followers are. I'm sure there's no maliciousness involved.

I can't stand pretentiousness and boasting ether it is in real life or on social media. All the posing etc makes me cringe but that's just my opinion so who cares? It's even worse when it's not the person's own money that they're flaunting.

Which would lead me to a bigger conversation with my DD about enjoying gifts etc but making sure she was not being used as a trophy, that the gifts don't come with any expectation or control, and to make sure she kept her own financial independence, and not rely on any man (especially a rich one).

I wonder what's the age group of the people who replied?
I'm 62 and really don't like the constant sharing of personal information, whether it's "showing off" or "poor me"
However I am aware that I am in the minority as most people nowadays seem to share all sorts of personal information.
I would really appreciate feedback, especially as it it something I struggle with with my own family!
I'm hoping it's an age thing, stiff upper lip etc, and I'm out of touch, rather than being heartless! 🥲