Cringing at DDs behaviour, asking her to stop sending the videos to the family GC

[Reoile]

We have a massive family group chat, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. It’s pretty active and it is used as a supplement to social media for the most part, so imagine a lot of the things people might share on social media but in the group chat.

My DD is 25, she’s recently started dating a guy who 30 and he earns incredibly well. As such DD is now getting spoiled. I cannot help but cringe at all the “look at my new Hermes bag” posts or her out on boat days just acting a bit of a fool, popping champagne in clubs etc. I appreciate she is happy but it just comes across very cringey.
I know the rest of the family feel the same, it’s also very much openly assumed that she will be using cocaine in her new found circle.

WIBU to tell her to maybe not send these into the group chat as whether it’s fair or not the family are judging?

It is cringey though. But agree not to say that to her and to go with the angle that it’s just not appropriate content for the family chat. Keep it to her own insta.

Just to be clear on those saying it’s just “jealousy”. No. You can enjoy a nice lifestyle and post on your personal social media, where people can choose to follow or not. Posting your new Hermes bag on a family WhatsApp is not on. It’s crass/cringe/embarrassing. Especially if people on there are not well off. Maybe a few holiday snaps is fine as everyone does that.

"a massive family group chat, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. It’s pretty active and it is used as a supplement to social media" - this is the problem. This is beyond embarrassing - are you all grown ups? She is a 25-year old food, brought up by attention-hungry adults, what is your excuse? This is your mode of living - your uncles, cousins, aunts, even grandparents - semblance, not substance. You and your environment taught her to live on social media, why are you surprised?

If family members are jealous of her, then they should be a reason to criticise them, not her.

Even if her behaviour is a bit cringey, what young person didn’t behave in an embarrassing way at some point? A family group chat should be a safe place to share things where people who love you are happy for your good fortune. It’s sad that you would rather side with the rest of the family over your own dd who is doing exactly what everyone else does in an active family group chat.

Some of the replies on this thread are so weird. It is cringey OP, especially if some in the group are struggling.

It's just bragging and showing off. nothing to do with jealousy. I would be embarrassed about it but would approach it as a PP suggested from the angle of some of the family barely getting by.

I'd cringe too as her mum, but she's 25 so what can you do other than have a word. She'll learn in good time - or maybe she won't Some people are pillocks for life.

Tell them what? "Some of my rellies think my other rellie must be doing Class A drugs because she knows some rich people"?
The charge of wasting police time has a very low bar y'know.

The jealousy is coming out string here OP.

What the heck? I know someone whose daughter leads a similarly glam life and it's never occurred to me that she'll be taking cocaine. Your family sound odd all round. Sorry.

Can’t you have a quiet word with DD and tell her that while you’re happy that she’s enjoying all these new experiences, it’s important not to rub it in the faces of other family members who are struggling financially, and she might want to keep it between you and her.

I think it's normal to be embarrassed of a child that is showing off. Mine are still kids/ teens and influencable. It must be hard to find a way to curb them when they are fully grown.

I hope she said no.

It is a bit cringe and tone deaf when people might be struggling. I'd be embarrassed too 😬

I think the daughter would be disappointed if the rest of the family wasn't a bit envious. Isn't that the whole point of posting oneself flaunting money and material goods?

The cocaine assumption is weird but also find it odd how she cant read the room. My DH is a high earner and i would have been mortified putting his gifts on family whatsapp groups and social media even at 25!

If my daughter was running with a cocaine snorting crowd, depending on a wealthy boyfriend for her lifestyle, and trying to make the rest of her family jealous with her posts, I'd be worried about her too. I'm more concerned about my kids having good characters than affluent lifestyles.

I think it depends on the tone of the group chat. If you all regularly share updates on holidays, days out, new purchases etc is she really doing anything different only hers happen to cost more money?

If the issue is “cringe” then let her be.
if the issue is that others are jealous then let her be.
if she’s rubbing her new found wealth in the face of people who are really struggling have a quiet word.
if you have concerns about her health and safety then obviously talk to her but that’s totally unrelated to the videos.

How often is she posting about her luxury gifts and experiences into the group? If its a once in a while thing then I think that is ok..

If she is frequently posting about this stuff though then yes I agree it does come across as boasting and tacky. If it is all the time, engage less in the posts and she might take the hint.

Hi @Reoile
As a parent, my first thought is "is she safe"? rather than family being peeved at this lifestyle. Where has the BF got endless £ from? Is he a dealer? Consider his motive for lavishing big bucks on your daughter... Are they taking advantage or expecting a favour from your daughter further down the line?

I would have a heart to heart and ask for honest conversation if she is taking drugs and if she is safe. Sod the irked cousins etc. That is the least concerning - I hope those fears amount to nothing but I really can smell a rat...

Personally I'd be pissed that I hadn't been invited to the F1 chananigans and I'd be a bit dubious of the company she's keeping but fair play to the girl... You only live once and life can be cruel and short.
Crack on luv and always make sure you've always got a spare pair of clean knicks on you

Presumably as she has ASD you will have done some coaching with her in the past. Ask her what she’s aiming to communicate. Ask her if she wants to know how it’s coming across. She may not care. But she may appreciate the heads up about the Impression she’s giving.

My in-laws are super bitchy about everyone. I've stopped a long time ago giving them ammunition. And I never get the warm interest or reflection I crave from them.
Its actually quite rare to find anyone that can be generous about the privileged access work brings whilst balancing the graft that goes into it being work. There's often 100% misery and bitching or 100% gushing, envy. Neither is true or helpful.

Um, you're more worried about her 'cringy' messages, rather than her apparently using cocaine? I think I live in a different world sometimes ...

I can’t quite wrap my head around you just assuming she’s using cocaine because her cousins said so. Do you like your daughter at all. My mum would tell them that without any proof whatsoever they should shut the hell up with their speculation.

You might not like it but some influencers can earn good money, and learning how social media and content works can be a good skill to have. She’s young, figuring it out and perhaps she is being brash but you sound jealous and more that you care about what others think.