A man who doesn't see his children

[Darkyrees]

If you met a man who seemed great, got one well with his family, financially secure and responsible, lots of friends and hobbies, but he told you he had a child that he didn't see. Would this just be a bit of a red flag that you'd weigh up against every thing else, or would it make you run for the hills?

My knee jerk reaction is to say stay away. And I do think that in the vast majority of cases it's the correct one.

But it is interesting that if I think on this further, I know several women who have given babies up for adoption because they didn't want to or didn't believe they were capable of being a parent (at that time at least) and I certainly don't judge them for that. So is there a place for a man to say "I had no interest in becoming a parent but someone else wanted to raise this child without my involvement and that's wonderful" and have that be ok? Yes, probably. Unfortunately I think in real life it's more often a red flag that either the parent raising the child has chosen to carry the full burden rather than have any involvement with the other parent because of what they know about that other parent and/or that the other parent is not being fully honest.

Massive red flag.
I wouldn't date a man with children either way.
If he's a good dad, he'll put his children first above you.
If he puts you first, he's a shit dad and therefore a shit man.
Either way, you lose.

I can imagine a man not wanting to be practically involved with his child. But he needs to contribute financially.

So this man didn’t want to be with her so she cut all ties (which is odd, given a lot of parents split up and co-parent quite well).

Then you say it’s because she didn’t want to abort the child that the relationship broke down?

It’s 2 different stories already. He has told you this information before it comes out, it’s damage control to the truth.

my ex didn’t what our baby, he tried to force me to abort him, I didn’t. He was then in and our lives for 3 years, messing us around. Playing father of the year to his other kids. No financial help for me, ever, wouldn’t even let the kids get to know each other, because I wouldn’t comply to his “rules”. We were both abused. 2.5 years ago he hit our son and contact stopped. He still wanted a relationship with me though??

he’s never taken me to court, just trots out this rubbish that this man is saying, in fact it’s eerily similar, “respecting her wishes”, “it’s the right thing to do” (with regards to court approved contact). Also has said previously that I cut contact because he didn’t want to be with me. Yet has contact with his other children, whose mother he also doesn’t want to be with. I can’t imagine this is the same man, but if any of this is ringing any bells, do a Claire’s law and run away.

This is exactly what my ex says. It’s not true. I’d love him to see his kids. He does not want to because he’s a lazy, selfish man child. Unless you know her side, I’d walk away.

I feel like a lot of these posts are just proof that it's not a good idea to try to force a man to be a father.

So many responses saying he didn't want a child, he wanted me to abort etc.A And it should go without saying that a man could never and should never be able to force a woman to abort but it's a pretty clear message that he has no intention of being a dad! Is it really better for a child to get confusing crumbs?

So, he was happy to risk a pregnancy when he was getting sex, but he didn't want to put up with the results so he just abandoned a child of his own because it didn't suit his lifestyle and you think he is in any way a 'great guy'?

He's a deadbeat, he let down his own child (does he even pay for the child, or know what sex it is?) and he'll let you down too.

I think you'll find he would have been happy to keep having sex with the mother, he just didn't want any of the responsibility for the child he helped create and she wouldn't put up with her child being treated like trash.

I can well believe that there are men and women who don’t want to be involved with their children, I just wouldn’t associate with them, and I definitely wouldn’t be in a committed relationship with any of them.

This absolutely. RUN.

He's lovely when he gets what he wants from people, vindictive when he doesn't, so won't see his child to punish the mother for keeping it.

He's causing emotional damage to the child, his child, so no, not a lovely man.

How old is the child, and how much child support is he paying the mother?

I made it clear to my partner (we both have teens) that while I didn't want another child, I wouldn't abort one if it happened accidentally. He rang the GP the next day to sort out a vasectomy. He took responsibility for his own fertility. I'd respect a man who did that and if that meant "waiting" then yes.

Dead beat Dad. Run away

Instant and irreversible ick for me. Definitely. One hundred percent. Same goes for men who have deliberately moved away from their children and not put them at the heart of decision making.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I would have nothing to do with him. Too much baggage.

OP if you're dating my ex-husband - RUN 😂

This happened to a friend of mine. He told her some bullshit story about why he didn't see his child then she got pregnant and he walked away. She contacted the ex and, as she suspected, found he'd lied.

My ex has children with me and he doesn’t see them and it definitely doesn’t put women off as he doesn’t struggle to date so I’m not sure many women irl care about this kind of thing

If you are so sure you dont want a child you make 100% sure you dont make one.

I agree with some of this except saying if he did not want it he should not pay. I don’t see why the taxpayer should step in because he couldn’t be arsed to wear a condom.

I also think the one’s who claim they won’t fight for access because the ex is a nightmare are full of it. You would never hear a woman say that.

They think it won’t happen to them.

Well, yeah. But not everything is 100% effective. I have a 17 year old to prove it 😂

You cannot be this desperate OP. There are other men out there.

You raised it, though? I mean, ok, I know accidents happen - but giving up your child always involves trauma for women. But not for men, or so it seems.

Edited - I also have one of those ))) a happy accident.

was on the fence but that update is a run. What does it even mean he didn't want her to not continue with the pregnancy? do you mean he asked her for an abortion? That's totally up to the mum. Run!