Grandparents not changing DS’ clothes.

[alorinkaya]

I’m a midwife so work long hours, my parents cover the childcare.

The entire time he’s there he is looking at a screen, literally.

I was on nights so he stayed there Friday-Monday and he said he wore the same clothes the entire time.

AIBU to be worried about this? I don’t want to be ungrateful.

You need to break down the problem into “things I really care about” and “things which merit an eyeroll”. Also how often is he there for a full weekend?
For instance if he likes going, loves them and its once every few weeks I’d focus on the small practical things and let some other stuff slide.

At 7 he is old enough to put fresh clothes on but maybe putting them in daily labelled bags would help. Then ask for his clothes to be put on a lower shelf so that he can reach them. Do they realise he is sleeping in his clothes or do they think he is just putting the same jumper and trousers on by choice? Do they know how to look after black hair if he is mixed or do they have the same hair type themselves?
It is also worth validating what is happening - he is still in the age group where wild exaggeration is the norm, especially if he is a bright and imaginative child (one of my siblings told his teachers our DM was a military pilot after my DF had jokingly said ‘your mum used to do that” during TV programme about WW1 flying aces).

I would probably tackle it by asking for their help reminding him to do teeth etc properly and use the daily bags as he is in a phase of “forgetting”, telling them he is finding managing his hair difficult and needs help. There is usually a letter from school to cite when it comes to screen time and bedtimes which can neutralise the ask. Mainly though, focus on the bits which really matter.

Ultimately if he is loved, safe and happy to be there, the odd missed change of trousers isn’t going to cause any lasting harm and the odd missed bath won’t make him a filthy adult with no standard of personal hygiene.

Really not the point!!

Jeez…the kid is essentially being neglected and the amount of people victim blaming is gross

I am also black.

And being black, you should be aware how vastly different hair types are.

I was nowhere near ready or able to take care of my hair by age 7.

Then perhaps you need to work on your critical thinking skills?

Completely agree with this. This is neglect. Stuck on a screen all weekend is appalling. Putting his pyjamas and clean clothes out of his reach is cruel. It's upsetting to think no one is caring if he gets ready for bed - just left to it. I can't believe you are asking on here if it's ok to raise these issues with your parents 🤯. If they can't or won't do better then you will need to find an alternative or change your working hours. As @TillyTrifle says, your son gets one childhood.

Yes, don't feel put down op.

You have noticed the problem, sought advice and are happy to raise it - all of which is the correct course I think.

I would tackle it by putting the tasks onto your ds with a request to GPs to support him doing his task list. That means there are more minds on the issue, and also comes across as less confrontational than "why aren't YOU doing x?)

There are always complications which childcare, which is why some mums take time out and I can understand this isn't an option for you. But don't assume loving grandparents who want him won't be a good option with a bit of guidance, as the reality is that the alternative is a stranger.

If things don't change, however, frustratingly I think you do need to look further afield for childcare. But try communicating the changes you would like.

My biggest question mark is getting him some exercise. Are your parents able to take him to the park, or do they have outdoor space? The occasional weekend isn't a huge thing, but every weekend cooped up on a screen isn't ideal. But books and workbooks, even jigsaw puzzles could be useful here for occupying his time better without requiring them to bake or play games etc, and he could manage these alone.

Can you cornrow braid his hair before he goes, so that it stays reasonably neat and tangle free for the duration? (I know this is only one part of the issue though.)

Edited. I cross-posted so see that your family is probably familiar with your son's hair type.

So your child is sleeping in his clothes and wearing the same ones all weekend, not getting his hair brushed, and on a screen the entire weekend he is with them? I would not be happy with that at all. However are you realistically going to move him from them to paid-for care? If you can then do so. If you are not wanting to rock the boat and a quiet word won’t cause WW3 then maybe do that first and see if things change?

@alorinkaya
Why are you not answering the posts about the hours he is spending on a screen?

I have answered it. I said it is the whole time he is there.

I'm confused as to why a 7yr old is unable to change his own clothes daily, my 2.5yr old grandaughter can put clothes on and off

Yes you said that - but what is he watching? Has he unsupervised internet access? Is he being groomed? Does he talk to people?

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/news-opinion/2025/data-shows-how-criminals-are-using-private-messaging-platforms-to-manipulate-and-groom-children/

If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t be confused at all.

YouTube kids and Roblox. Isn’t messaging people. No access to internet

How can he watch YouTube kids with no Internet access?

I mean no access to search engines i.e. Google, safari

I find this so odd....I have a 7 year old and there's no way they wouldn't think to put their PJ's on before bed and get dressed the following day.... Even if they wore the same clothes as the day before as they were still clean, they would definitely know to put on clean underwear and socks etc. To And would ask their granny where there bag was etc. you maybe need to have a word with grandparents to remind them to get ready for bed and change underwear etc.

Regarding the screen. Just have a word with them about this too and set clear boundaries for how long they are allowed to be gaming for. Not sure why this hasn't already been discussed though?!

Ask them to put him in PJs and chnage his clothes.

Dont send him with electronic devices

I must say my 10 year old would happily sleep in clothes if not prompted 🫣. I wouldnt let him, it does seem sad your parents don't seem to be taking good care of him, maybe it's all a bit much for them.

Less of the gaslighting, of course they were being unkind.

The faux concern and insincerity are not washing.

Why are you trying to catch her out?

She has said there is too much screen time and she is unhappy about it and is looking to change things, hence this thread.

Why rub salt in a wound? Think of something constructive.

So sorry to read some of the rude messages. Most 7 year old boys would need nudging to get things done, especially if they are in a different environment to where they usually have a more structured routine. I would raise it with your parents and see how they respond.

When I was seven we didn’t even have a shower and we often shared bath water to save money. As an adult, I shower daily and have excellent personal hygiene. What the previous poster wrote was correct. Children need to brush their teeth, wash their faces and change their underwear, but they don’t need a full shower every day.