To say NO WAY to stepsons dog living with me.

[ThickOfThorns]

DSS is 14. He has lived with DH and I for 6 months, following some physical, but mostly emotional abuse and neglect by his mother. This is court ordered and social services are involved. He has been through a hell of a lot, and at present, isn’t allowed to see his mother in person. There can be contact via the phone, provided it is supervised.

Whilst he was living with his mother, she purchased him a dog, which he has naturally become very attached to. The dog remained living with his mother when he moved in with us. She has now texted him, saying she can’t cope with the dog and we either take it (!) or she will take it to the Dog’s Trust. DSS is now devastated and begging us to take on his dog.

1. I do not want a dog, or any pet for that matter. I don’t want the responsibility, financial or otherwise.
2. If I were to get a dog, I’d want it to be sourced ethically, health tested and a breed that I’ve chosen. This dog was from a back yard breeder.
3. I am not prepared to be emotionally manipulated by DH’s ex, this is totally unacceptable and inappropriate, there needs to be some firm boundaries in place.

My DH thinks I am being unreasonable and as DSS has been through so much, we can’t take this away from him and should allow the dog to be rehoused with us. I think this is outrageous.

AIBU?

I think DSS has already well understood that the world does not revolve around him, far from it. The level of empathy shown here is shocking.

I understand you don’t want it but I would take the dog for my DSS. Sorry OP, horrible situation.

Don't take the dog.

If you do, ultimately the grief it causes will outweigh the grief if you don't.

Stand firm.

Dog health-checked and from a reputable breeder and the type I want - that is what matters. As per usual, screw the step-children, and their mental health. Surely this is not real or Cinderella is a documentary.

Team DSS for me

How is it batshit exactly ? The posts urging her to take the dog, are mostly concerned with the welfare of a child who has already been through so much, now having to face losing his pet as well. The story has changed via drip feeds because posters are overwhelmingly in favour of the boy being allowed to have his pet, and that’s clearly not the response OP wanted.

This would be so hard for me. I feel for you. I would not want to live with a dog, at all. I would hate having one in my home. I don't ever want to live with one. And I would recognise that dss loves the dog and needs no more upset and loss. So I would be torn, probably end up accepting the dog and then spend the rest of its life resenting it and getting really pissed off any time someone wanted me to walk, feed, pay for it etc.

I would definitely insist on areas of the house being dog free if it did come to you, and not waver in that.

Your DSS has bonded with the dog who
lets face it has probably not had the best start in life either with BYB. It would be cruel to make your DSS part with the dog but if you really don’t want a dog living with you then it’s probably better that the dog is rehomed where it is wanted and loved. A dog will sense that it’s not wanted if you treat it like an unwanted house guest. Poor dog.

This. To suggest that an abused and neglected child thinks the world revolves around him just because he doesn’t want his pet to be rehomed is a new low.

This thread is batshit.

Of course the OP is well within her rights to say NO to the dog

She has other children to consider, and it won't work from a practical point of view anyway even if the OP was dog mad and was one of those nutters that call dogs ' fur babies'.

Yes the step son has been through a tough time, but this isn't like allowing him to have a play station.

It sounds like rehoming is the best bet for the dog anyway, he'll be resented or neglected with the two options on the table at the moment.

As per usual, OP pays for the stepchild and raises him when his own dad can't be bothered. Hardly Cinderella but shows how that story has got a grip.

I can’t think of any circumstance where I would agree to take on a dog … except this.

Nobodies answered who looks after the dog.

Op doesn’t want the dog.
Dss just a child.
Dh works a lot.

So who’s genuinely lovingly looking after and training this dog? Who’s picking up its poo and walking it?

The op is hardly a big meanie she’s pays for him does the school runs, friend runs and all those other things a parent tends to do. Sounds like the child’s own father does barely anything for him in comparison.

but yes op must take on the extra chores responsibilities and costs of a dog?

and when or if the marriage breakdowns because ops lost her shit looking after the hairy pooping dog that her dh and dss never help with, that she never wanted. When it becomes me or the bloody dog. The op will be the bad guy again for a dog she didn’t want.

Yes maybe some posters are right the Dh should definitely leave with his son and his dog. Then he can fund it all entirely, do all the parenting and dog care. Op will still be the bad guy but she will be better off and without dog.

100% agree. The pile-on to the poor OP is disgusting 😡 MN is populated by unhinged dog obsessives and stepmum haters and this thread has brought the 2 nasty groups together.

OP has other children to think of. She has her own life and home to think of, and is entitled to not want the MASSIVE disruption a dog would bring. She cares for her DSS in every way, and provides him with the love and support lacking from his own waste of space mother.

OP has clearly and calmly stated her reasons, which are perfectly reasonable. She also says that her DSS hasn’t seen the dog for 6 months, talked about it a lot at first and then got over it. He is only upset now because his birth mum is manipulating him with the threat. He will get over it again.

I stand with OP 100% and hope she stands her ground. Her DH is also guilt-tripping her, but works long hours when he will be unable to deal with the dog. Stand firm, OP! 💐 💪🏻

Have some empathy FFS,,how selfish .

100% agree. The pile-on to the poor OP is disgusting 😡 MN is populated by unhinged dog obsessives and stepmum haters and this thread has brought the 2 nasty groups together.

OP has other children to think of. She has her own life and home to think of, and is entitled to not want the MASSIVE disruption a dog would bring. She cares for her DSS in every way, and provides him with the love and support lacking from his own waste of space mother.

OP has clearly and calmly stated her reasons, which are perfectly reasonable. She also says that her DSS hasn’t seen the dog for 6 months, talked about it a lot at first and then got over it. He is only upset now because his birth mum is manipulating him with the threat. He will get over it again.

I stand with OP 100% and hope she stands her ground. Her DH is also guilt-tripping her, but works long hours when he will be unable to deal with the dog. Stand firm, OP! 💐 💪🏻

For a kids happiness and mental health there's not much i wouldn't do. Any kids. All kids.

I WOULDN'T get a NEW dog to make a kid happy, no.
I WOULD take on an EXISTING dog kid has an ATTACHMENT to because thats an already formed attachment. Destroying that would be traumatic.

Have expectations, kid is to take care of dog etc and help where you can. It's not about you, or other adults shitty behaviour atm. It's about the kid. Should always be what's best for and about the damn kids.

Do not take the dog, your life will be completely upended.

Should have said all this in your op 🙄

You sound lovely ….. (not)

none of this is the OP a fault. Some of The posters a on this thread are just vile.

@B1anche 100% agree. The pile-on to the poor OP is disgusting 😡 MN is populated by unhinged dog obsessives and stepmum haters and this thread has brought the 2 nasty groups together.

OP has other children to think of. She has her own life and home to think of, and is entitled to not want the MASSIVE disruption a dog would bring. She cares for her DSS in every way, and provides him with the love and support lacking from his own waste of space mother.

OP has clearly and calmly stated her reasons, which are perfectly reasonable. She also says that her DSS hasn’t seen the dog for 6 months, talked about it a lot at first and then got over it. He is only upset now because his birth mum is manipulating him with the threat. He will get over it again.

I stand with OP 100% and hope she stands her ground. Her DH is also guilt-tripping her, but works long hours when he will be unable to deal with the dog. Stand firm, OP! 💐 💪🏻

The DH can't leave. The OP is paying for and raising his son!

I don't know why I am so invested 😀I am not even a stepmum. Would rather be single my whole life.

Let the boy have his dog. Animals do so much to heal people after trauma.

Totally agree. Stick to your guns OP