To be sad husband didn’t care I’d gone to A&E

[Foxandsocks]

I went to A&E last night in excruciating pain, he’d witnessed this in bed whilst I tried to manage the pain at home, I told him I was going to head to A&E at 2am and he said ok and rolled over. I went and had emergency surgery but I didn’t hear from him till the morning.

Good luck OP with your recovery and with the rest of your wonderful free life 💐

I think it’s because the kind of person treats you nicely at the start. Often even until you are engaged or married. And then when they start getting nasty, you mistakenly believe the nastiness is a blip or phase. When actually, the niceness was the blip. You are invested, in deep, possibly a property, children, financially co dependent etc. I can easily see how it happens. It so commonplace that I think there should be education on it. So, so many people are living with horrible spouses.

I know you have decided to leave now (well done) but I can only imagine how he has worn you down till you have to even question if this is normal!

He sounds like a fan of Andrew Tate. God help us all.

My ex was a bit like this (my choice of hospital for tests was disrespectful to him as it inconvenienced him) - compare with second husband 20+ years later who whilst I was having surgery cleaned the house, looked after kids, insisted on sleeping on the floor so I had a double bed to myself and who I woke to find sat watching me to check I was OK. There are good men out there OP. I hope you are recovering well and that you recognise your worth.

Is this for real? What on earth is wrong with him? Op seriously i think you are aware of this but his behaviour and his words are way beyond the boundary of normal human behaviour. You should not be living with him. If you have a heart attack or stroke or any other emergency he probably wouldn't even call an ambulance. I rarely say this but yes this is not a person you should be living with

So glad to here this op. Super well done!! Hope you can focus on your recovery now rather than this sorry excuse for a human being.

Okay. That would be a hard nope from me. I hope you're making plans to exit this situation OP.

I was actually referring to the OP's husband. He is indeed a horrible spouse.

I agree with your post though and really hope the OP manages to get away from him. He's awful.

Glad you’re safe and leaving with your cat ❤️

gosh, OP, what a lot to deal with.

Well done for the escape, i hope you recover quickly and that his sleeves always slip down and get wet when he's washing his hands.

Awful way to find out, but fortunate because as we age, we need to visit hospitals, and appointments, and physio and A and E and all that stuff, even if it is quite minor and sometimes it's pretty major. I have been with my husband over 10 times to A and E and several times with my children, the idea of not going with them is unthinkable.

He has contempt for you, which if you know your John Gottman research on relationships, is basically one of the death knells to a relationship.

No saving him and one day he really will be in hospital on his own, but he probably won't remember back to this time as he's clearly not very insightful.

Your cat and Mum sound wonderful and I have a feeling that despite your surgery, this is the start of something good for you.

He knew he was putting her in danger by letting her drive, didn't he? Just like he knew something was seriously wrong with her but didn't offer to take her to A&E, or call for help, he also knew that when she took charge of matters she could easily have crashed the car. He KNEW this, and he chose it.

This situation reminds me of my friend, who was living in a remote part of rural Australia with her then husband. She got blood poisoning from an infected cut. Her whole arm swelled up, the veins in her hand were turning black. They both knew perfectly well that without urgent antibiotics she'd be dead - he'd had similar happen to him not long before. And yet he refused to drive her to hospital. She had to drive herself, steering one-handed, changing gear and using the handbrake by reaching across her body with her good arm. Not long after that she discovered he was having an affair. He wanted her to die so she'd be out of his way.

Pure evil.

He's abusive. Fetch cat and leave. Forever. Se a solicitor as soon as you can.

Fuckinghell. That's one of the worst, most callous stories I've heard on here. This isn't even how one would treat an employee, let alone a wife. He views you as a household appliance, (one that he's shit at looking after, even).

Leave him. You deserve so much better than this dehumanising treatment.

You will never be safe with this man again op. I hope you are okay.

Good idea. Glad you're at your mum's. Never go back to him.

pain is pain, men or women, this is not a gender issue. he needs to get it together, my ex had MS and i was always driving her and being up with her in A&E even if i had work the next morning

Wow 😮
How fucking awful.
My husband, (75), would do anything to help me in similar situation.
How horrible.

You could have wasted years more with him not realising the true extent of his emotional dysfunction.

Do make sure his parents and the rest of his family and your friends know the true reason for your breakup. He'll no doubt make something up about you. He needs to feel shame for this.

That's horrific 😢 Hope things are better for your friend now

Oh no! How dare he have the audacity to be so rude and disregard your needs, I would be livid if I were you, you should throw him out!

Same here! What an awful man!

Did he actually hear you? I can have conversations with my hubby when I think he's awake but he genuinely has zero recollection. He's maybe been in a bit of a twighlight state. If he did hear you then his behaviour is inexcusable.

Thankfully he's 25 years and thousands of miles behind her now. And she's happily remarried to a proper man.

I'm glad you've gone to your mums, but just wanted to pop on and add my support as well. If a total stranger knocked on my front door doubled over in pain I'd take them to the hospital, nevermind the person I'd chosen to spend my life with. What a prize prick.

Absolutely get rid - I actually cannot believe someone would do that. Total prick.