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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again

232 replies

BadGran · 19/11/2025 18:36

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time.

It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making her tea and she arched back and I accidentally dropped her 😢she fell head first onto my wooden floor and obviously cried a lot.

I obviously have apologised profusely to DS and DIL, and to be fair they were very understanding about it but they haven’t asked me to have her since. I know they’ve got quite a lot of Christmas parties coming up so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Should I say something or just wait for them to ask me. I’m so cross with myself !!

OP posts:
Mydadsbirthday · 19/11/2025 23:02

It was an accident but I think if you don't spend much time with the child usually and aren't familiar with their movements that can be difficult and they grow so fast at that age and develop strength that surprises you. I'd just be more wary now you're aware.

My ILs and my mum looked after my toddler twins once a week each and then had them after school a day a week each until they started secondary school. I have no idea if one of them was dropped or injured whilst in their care. I just had to trust them to do the right thing.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 19/11/2025 23:08

we had a similar incident happen once. Grandparent holding small child on their hip. Both parents in the room. Child unexpectedly arched their back exactly as you describe and toppled straight head over heels of the grandparent's grasp. Thankfully the baby in our case landed on a sofa so no harm was done but it was still a massive shock for everyone. Grandparent was more distressed than the child or parents. Was tough to fight parental protective instincts but grandparent was very sorry and upset / anxious about holding the baby again. We build up confidence and trust (grandparents own as well as parents) but they did continue to care for grandchildren afterwards.

Rewis · 19/11/2025 23:14

If it feels like an elephant in the room, maybe you could mention it just to address that you feel terrible. Something like " I've noticed yiu havent asked me to babysit since the incident. I totally understand why and I feel absolutely terrible about the whole thing. I just want you to know that whenever you feel comfortable with it, i am here" or something

Anonanonay · 19/11/2025 23:56

I'm sorry, but if your family can't accept that accidents can just happen and aren't necessarily someone's fault, then they're just arseholes. You've managed to keep your own kids and other grandchildren alive for years.

LondonGirrrrl · 20/11/2025 00:15

best not make hot tea with a toddler in one hand. They probably realise how much worse it could have been and that you made a poor decision. If this is a one off it will likely blow over with time. If this is one of many unsafe situations they maybe questioning if you can keep her safe. In your shoes I’d be overly careful when seeing the baby next so that they can see you’re being extra careful.

LondonGirrrrl · 20/11/2025 00:16

Rewis · 19/11/2025 23:14

If it feels like an elephant in the room, maybe you could mention it just to address that you feel terrible. Something like " I've noticed yiu havent asked me to babysit since the incident. I totally understand why and I feel absolutely terrible about the whole thing. I just want you to know that whenever you feel comfortable with it, i am here" or something

Perfect

CheeseIsMyIdol · 20/11/2025 00:28

Anonanonay · 19/11/2025 23:56

I'm sorry, but if your family can't accept that accidents can just happen and aren't necessarily someone's fault, then they're just arseholes. You've managed to keep your own kids and other grandchildren alive for years.

Sorry but holding a toddler in one arm while fiddling with "tea" and the microwave isn't an "accident." It's extremely poor judgment.

What if she had been pulling the "tea" out of the microwave,and hot food had been dumped on the kid when it did its flip? Sorry, but there is no excuse.

ThatDogIsCrazy · 20/11/2025 00:42

I don’t think I’d let you look after her til she’s much older in their position. Young children do arch their back and you have to have quick enough reflexes to respond. Maybe you do and it was a one off, but I wouldn’t risk it.

They're obviously happy for you to spend time together as long as they’re around so I think that’s fair enough. I wouldn’t say anything because they’re not being unreasonable and hopefully you can see that.

ThatDogIsCrazy · 20/11/2025 00:50

Anonanonay · 19/11/2025 23:56

I'm sorry, but if your family can't accept that accidents can just happen and aren't necessarily someone's fault, then they're just arseholes. You've managed to keep your own kids and other grandchildren alive for years.

It sounds like they’ve made a decision to not let OP look after her alone which is sensible, have been understanding about the incident, have not mentioned it since and are still making sure OP see her grandchild.

They’re not arseholes at all.

BoyBoyBoy889 · 20/11/2025 01:03

I'm your DiL here, sort of. My parents were desperate to look after my 1 year old....their version of supervising him is wildly different from mine and frankly too lax and dangerous.

I don't hold it against them, I don't blame them or have any ill feelings. Genuinely. But the reality is that he's too much for them.

Falling head first onto the floor from that height is not ok, much worse than the usual bumps they get. Sorry.

BoyBoyBoy889 · 20/11/2025 01:07

Oh and a friend of mine's baby was in hospital recently with horrible burns as she managed to pull a hot cup of coffee all over her, that her grandma had made and left within reach. The baby crawled to the table, pulled herself up and reached for the coffee. A stupid stupid accident.

The reality is that as a mum, I haven't had anything other than lukewarm coffee in my hand since my DS was born. But a grandparent who doesn't spend as much time around babies has forgotten how dangerous and quick babies and toddlers really are.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 20/11/2025 01:12

ThatDogIsCrazy · 20/11/2025 00:50

It sounds like they’ve made a decision to not let OP look after her alone which is sensible, have been understanding about the incident, have not mentioned it since and are still making sure OP see her grandchild.

They’re not arseholes at all.

Show quote history

Well said.
They aren’t being mean. But their first duty is to the baby.

Farticus101 · 20/11/2025 01:34

I was told by a doctor that a child aged 1 would need to be seen by a medical professional for any head injury even if they seemed fine.

For a fall from that height onto a wooden floor, calling 111 at least to get further medical advice would be a good idea.

The child first aid course would be very helpful and would reassure the parents that you would know what to do in future.

raspberryberet2020 · 20/11/2025 02:48

I would not allow you to babysit unsupervised again either. They've been great about what could have been a fatal or very serious accident.

Maybe when she is no longer a toddler and you don't have to pick her up they will reconsider.

Doing a first aid course is a great step, but don't expect them to change their mind based on that - I wouldn't. It's just about safety, not about punishment.

Muffinmam · 20/11/2025 03:02

BadGran · 19/11/2025 18:49

Just to answer a few questions, I put a cold compress on her head and called her parents after I’d managed to calm her down - after the intial tears, she did calm down and was happy playing again so they didn’t feel like she needed to go to the hospital. A first aid course is a good idea though.

This happened in August so a few months ago now, I’ve seen her numerous times since and it’s not been mentioned again but just no requests to look after her.

I look after my older grandchildren weekly so no concerns re health etc.

Of course they wouldn’t let you around her unsupervised again!! You dropped her on her head!!

ohyesido · 20/11/2025 05:51

tinybeautiful · 19/11/2025 22:21

This is categorically incorrect and I have reported the post for spreading false information about such a serious topic.

For starters, they need to be seen by a medical professional (GP, OOH, A&E) if they fall from any height taller than themselves and bash their heads. For a one year old this will be significantly less than a metre.

OP, accidents do happen but this feels more likely recklessness and I also wouldn't ask you to have my child again. Sorry.

Show quote history

i did actually look it up immediately when it happened, I didn’t just make up something out of nowhere

Wickedlittledancer · 20/11/2025 06:26

the op was doing two things at once, which meant when the baby arched their back, she was both distracted and using her other hand to do something else and wasn’t able to then use it to stop herself from dropping the baby.

as much as the baby was fine, this fall could easily have resulted in brain injury or death, it is no where near similar to trapped fingers, a broken tooth, a sore arm, or any of the otherstories being told

this was a wholly avoidable accident, that could have resulted in brain injury or death, and had the op not been distracted and doing something else whilst holding a one year old with one arm, she’d have easily ensured the baby didn’t fall. They are simply very lucky the child wasn’t injured.

and that I suspect is why the parents don’t want her to care for the child. Not because an accident happened, but because it was a wholly avoidable accident, that could have been very serious.

raspberryberet2020 · 20/11/2025 07:07

Wickedlittledancer · 20/11/2025 06:26

the op was doing two things at once, which meant when the baby arched their back, she was both distracted and using her other hand to do something else and wasn’t able to then use it to stop herself from dropping the baby.

as much as the baby was fine, this fall could easily have resulted in brain injury or death, it is no where near similar to trapped fingers, a broken tooth, a sore arm, or any of the otherstories being told

this was a wholly avoidable accident, that could have resulted in brain injury or death, and had the op not been distracted and doing something else whilst holding a one year old with one arm, she’d have easily ensured the baby didn’t fall. They are simply very lucky the child wasn’t injured.

and that I suspect is why the parents don’t want her to care for the child. Not because an accident happened, but because it was a wholly avoidable accident, that could have been very serious.

Agreed.

WhatNoRaisins · 20/11/2025 08:10

Agree it's not like this was a freak accident. As I sometimes say to my kids, no it wasn't an accident, it was you not being careful.

diddl · 20/11/2025 08:20

It sounds like they’ve made a decision to not let OP look after her alone which is sensible, have been understanding about the incident, have not mentioned it since and are still making sure OP see her grandchild.

They’re not arseholes at all.

I agree.

What is there to say?

I'm sure that they know Op is sorry, but she made a very poor decision & they don't want to take any more risks with their baby!

Poodleville · 20/11/2025 09:13

If you were to say something to them, what would it be? Ask if your perception is correct, or for another chance, or to say you understand if they don't want you to babysit again?

JustNotBlueberries · 20/11/2025 09:24

andanotherproblem · 19/11/2025 18:47

My DD is 1.5 and my mum used to look after her sometimes, one, two, three times I forgive accidents even if they were avoidable but it was multiple times whenever she had her and it was always down to her not watching her/having junk all over her house. She could never admit it was her fault and always blamed someone else, she still doesn’t even have a stair gate. For this reason I don’t really want her looking after her anymore but I don’t want to tell her because it will hurt her feelings. Luckily I’m not working at the minute but I don’t k ow how to tell her she’ll be going to nursery instead.

I think this is key. Take responsibility and show them / tell them that you are doing everything you can to avoid accidents, ie don't make tea while holding your toddler. My own mil could never accept blame. I remember finding on the bedroom floor a sleeping tablet that she had dropped.when dc was a toddler. I asked her to please check the floor after taking her sleeping as obviously this is incredibly dangerous but she just kept saying that it's not possible that she dropped it because she is "always careful". There was no way anyone else could have xropped it and she knew that. She was obviously worried id blame her but honestly if she had just taken responsibility and said she'd be more careful id be able to have more trust in her.

Anyway op not saying you didn't take responsibility and to be honest I think most of us have tried to balance a toddler on the hip while doing something else. At least I know i have. So I do think it was a very unfortunate accident but theoretically it is something that can be avoided so tell them that

worriedmum8686 · 20/11/2025 09:30

if that is the reason why then they are two assholes. My mum was minding my one year old when he pulled the wire of a ceramic gingerbread house off the fireplace and hit him on the head. It was an accident! Mum was distraught rang me crying to work. My children have had numerous bumps and tumbles with my parents and in laws. It happens what a terrible way to make you feel.

ContinuewithGoogle · 20/11/2025 10:08

worriedmum8686 · 20/11/2025 09:30

if that is the reason why then they are two assholes. My mum was minding my one year old when he pulled the wire of a ceramic gingerbread house off the fireplace and hit him on the head. It was an accident! Mum was distraught rang me crying to work. My children have had numerous bumps and tumbles with my parents and in laws. It happens what a terrible way to make you feel.

no one is saying the OP did anything on purpose, or that accidents don't happen.

But when some accidents happen, they just show the adult in charge is not suitable or not ready to look after a younger child and parents are absolutely right to hold on for awhile.

Calling them "assholes" is ridiculous.

Wickedlittledancer · 20/11/2025 10:19

worriedmum8686 · 20/11/2025 09:30

if that is the reason why then they are two assholes. My mum was minding my one year old when he pulled the wire of a ceramic gingerbread house off the fireplace and hit him on the head. It was an accident! Mum was distraught rang me crying to work. My children have had numerous bumps and tumbles with my parents and in laws. It happens what a terrible way to make you feel.

This is ridiculous. They aren’t assholes, they have been very understanding, and continued to build the relationship between the op and her grandkid, just not let her care alone for the baby, in no context does this make them assholes. And again your kid pulling something off the fireplace is very different to dropping an infant on their head.