To think being a woman costs more?

[ClairN]

DH and I have been having a debate on discretionary spending. AIBU to think being a woman is more expensive?

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie, taxis after dark…

That's it in a nutshell isn't it? It's not about the cost of production whatsoever.

Why would you pay more for a pink razor? Buy the black one.

Its all just choice though isnt it? I spend a fortune on make up and get my nails done every month because I want to. Equally I've never coloured my hair because I don't fancy it

I could spend a fortune on matching bras and knickers, or buy a multipack from M&S.

Absolutely none of these things are necessary, women just choose to do some or all of them

And remember that most men (I’m being careful not to say #allmen) wouldn’t like it if their partner suddenly stopped wearing make up, stopped shaving / waxing and allowed their grey to grow out. I saw something recently saying that if you want a woman that is physically fit and looks younger than she is / a certain way then you better be prepared for the cost of that and it hit home a bit. The gym membership, the Botox, the nails, eyebrows - they all add up and if men keep lusting after women that have all these treatments and look this way then of course most women will continue to feel them necessary. To summarise let’s get rid of all men and then just look how nature intended.

Ans why are sanitary products so expensive? £8 a month if you’ve got a heavy flow! Ridiculous.

I would say this is entirely true. I’ve had to spend far more on medical tests than dp. Every time he walks into the surgery he gets what he wants. I can honestly hand on heart say it’s happened once or twice in my adulthood!

I agree with some of your points. Bras OK, but if you hand wash on wash in a gentle setting they last longer. Every day bras are a necessity for most of us. Buying sexy ones is not.

Bikini wax - don't know if it's been suggested but I bought a wax pot thing years ago. The wax doesn't cost much at all. You'll save 50 quid a month right there. I also never get ingrown hairs or anything now that I do it myself, and it hurts way less (let's be honest, no one is going to be as careful with your fanny as you will).

Tights, again, hand wash and you should get a good while out of them.

Hair, I guess it's more important to some than others. I like my natural colour and get a cut maybe 3 times per year, but I can understand those who need to get professional colouring.

Occasions - women can't get away with the same couple of outfits for every occasion, but men could definitely get way with a couple of suits.

Overall, I think you are right that it's more expensive for women, but I think you could probably make some cutbacks

Edit to add, sanitary products should be counted as general grocery cost, definitely not discretionary spending

Never spent £100 for a haircut. My husband spends more at the barbers than I do at my hair dressers as I go every 3 or 4 months, he goes every month.

Of course it costs more. These things may not be mandatory, but the societal expectations are strong. Husband’s even have preferences about their wives grooming habits, even if in theory those should be entirely independent choices.

How to budget for clothing and grooming supplies when making a joint budget is actually quite tricky because it isn’t nearly as clear cut as people like to pretend.

I think couples need to admit that there are certain things that aren’t really luxuries for women that men simply aren’t expected to spend money on. Those should not count toward’s personal fun money spending budgets.

As a woman, it's my choice to spend money on makeup and non-essential clothes and shoes. Those aren't a fundamental part of being a woman, they're a choice in the same way that my husband could choose to buy non-essential high-end clothes and footwear, go to a 'posh' hair salon, have facials etc.

I've never had a wax and don't intend to. I occasionally have my nails done and my hair colour is natural. I think YABU to assert that gel nails, waxes, professional hair colour etc are part of some universal female experience. YANBU to include sanitary products and bras, and there's a whole other conversation about the gender pay gap and the loss of earnings (actual and potential) related to pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

Adding to the fun money comment. DH and I have a joint account that all joint and essential expenses come out of and then we get a set amount of “fun money” each month. We both get all of our grooming done out of the joint though because we class these as essential.

My bill is far more than DH as I get hair, nails, lashes, brows, hair removal etc. If we were strapped for cash I’d get these done out of my fun money and they wouldn’t be classed as essential so I guess it depends on how financially sound you are.

Being a woman is more expensive though. Pink tax is real. Look at the price of womens vs men’s razors. I buy men’s deodorant as the women’s is often more expensive (and doesn’t last as long). Plus you have sanitary products etc.

I think you misunderstood the point? Going to the hairdresser for women is more expensive than a barber, without any dyes or whatever into the mix. It has been this way all my life.

I spend even less than you, cut my own, not been for 30 years! But I have curly hair that can't see mistakes on 😂

Totally agree. I tell myself it’s for me but it’s not really is it? I’m mature enough to realise it’s so that I’m treated with respect. It’s a much deeper issue than just not doing it, kudos to those who don’t but if you wish to be treated a certain way and be deemed professional looking at work etc then I would argue that some of the things some of us have done are actually necessary. Very misogynistic really especially now men are allowed to have facial hair in professional settings. I think I would be demoted if I grew my beard out! (I jest of course but you know I wouldn’t be treated the same as I am now.

Of course it costs more. The argument about discretionary spending ignores the cost of not adhering to social norms for many professions.

Can you imagine high profile female politicians getting away with the same 3 outfits on rotation, no makeup, and a buzz cut?

Occasions - women can't get away with the same couple of outfits for every occasion, but men could definitely get way with a couple of suits

Of course we can. I have 2 nice dresses that I've worn to weddings, conference dinners, big parties etc multiple times over the last 10 years.

Someone upthread said that it doesn't cost more to be a woman it costs more to be a sucker. The only thing this thread is proving is that more women than men are suckers.

Completely agree, or grown out grey hair and natural nails, facial hair, tatty tights, They would be lambasted.

Keep telling yourself this. 6-figure earner with hairy legs and a buzz cut here. Buying into this crap is a choice, and if you want it to change, then be the change you want to see

I don't think bikini waxes and hairdressers are mandatory, although I do agree choosing to spend your money on these is expensive, tights and underwear is surely just clothes and anything "fancier" could be bought with fun money.

These are all optional. Men are more likely to be attacked by strangers than women

These are all optional. Men are more likely to be attacked by strangers than women at night

You’re the exception to the rule, well done you but in my setting I know it would be sniggered about and of course no one would tell me that’s why I was passed over for progression but I would know.

I thought grey hair was fashionable. Does anyone give a damn about someone else's nails polish? How weird.

I do facial hair with a spring thing I bought off Amazon years ago, stings a bit at first but soon settles down.

I have spoken at international conferences with a £30 hair cut, home box dye because I like my hair to be slightly outlandish colours, no tights or make up and wearing a dress I've worn many times before. I did not look out of place.

If your profession requires you to look a certain way, claim the cost on expenses. The reaction you get when the claim is refused will tell you all you need to know.

There’s a really simple solution. Stop giving a fuck about society expectations. Also, and I really hate to bring it up as I hate it when people shoehorn something about trans people into irrelevant discussions, but there is a real irony in the insistence on trans threads that wearing a dress and makeup doesn’t make someone a woman, yet here we have people saying that it is somehow a fundamental part of being a woman…

If you like to take care of yourself then yes its definitely more expensive. Perfume is well known for costing more for women than aftershave. Hair removal and beauty treatments. Chemical hair treatments, sanitary products and women's clothing. It all adds up! My partner spends very little on himself compared to me. He complains that a lot of it is unnecessary but he'd soon notice if I didn't do some of those things.

I go to the hairdressers because I like it it's get my hair dyed every 12 weeks but I wouldn't argue the toss that It was discretionary spending and moan about "fun money"