To think being a woman costs more?

[ClairN]

DH and I have been having a debate on discretionary spending. AIBU to think being a woman is more expensive?

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie, taxis after dark…

I have explained upthread.

I crossposted. I haven't been to Asia, but I take your point there. Elsewhere I book the hotels I can afford, which are 3 star and use the public transport system or taxis. But men book taxis, too.

I do up to a point. Sanitary products cost a small fortune over a woman's lifetime. I used to suffer every month badly, and went through at least £15 quids worth of stuff. Bra's of course, but it's even knickers tend to me more expensive than mens pants I find. Hair cut - men pay £30, women pay £100. There is a thing called 'pink tax' where things marketed for women are more expensive than those marketed for men. It does annoy me somewhat.

It's difficult to frame.

But maybe the minimum level of "socially accepted/expected?" spending for a woman is higher.

The bit in quotes replace with your better term.

To me women are generally expected by society to spend (a lot) more on appearance/fashion/personal care than men.

A lot of mens fashion for example is pretty timeless. You can buy a quality suit and it lasts for years. And noone really cares if you wear it a lot.

I'm 'groomed'. I am clean, my hair is brushed, and my personal hygiene is on point. That is groomed. And I'm a professional in a good career. Being groomed and professional does not mean having expensive hair care, makeup, etc. I'll admit I do have some expensive clothes, but some of them are literally a decade old at this point and still in good condition, so worth the investment. People take me seriously because of the person I can be and the skills I have - not because of the money I have or haven't spent.

Well I've never been to Asia, and that's never going to be compulsory unless it's for work and then they pay.

I wouldn't go anywhere where I thought there was a risk of being raped but I wouldn't help myself to a larger part of the household budget because I was travelling alone and wanted to justify more expensive accommodation. If I choose to take an extra holiday I pay for it all myself.

If we're going to that extent then DP could argue that as a man he needs more food than me so his bill is higher because of that.

Agree it’s discretionary spending. But I’m not walking round looking like an ogre, so I’ll stick with my regular hairdressing appointment and make up etc.

It doesn’t matter how much sanitary products cost - it’s still more than how much a man pays.

So the argument that being a woman is more expensive than a man stands because the things we need cost more money than the things they need.

I agree! People love to be contrary, so yes, it is more expensive to be a woman than a man in regular society. Yes, lots of things are 'nice to have', but as people have demonstrated on these boards time and time again, if you look professional, you will, in the main, be promoted faster. Not having these things puts you at a disadvantage to a greater gender pay gap.

Period pants aren’t that expensive & don’t need replacing every month.

What size bust are you though?

I have big boobs and absolutely need to wear a bra most of the day.

I would get serious back pain after a while if I didn’t.

I would argue that taxi after dark is pretty necessary for men as well. I know they are at far less risk of rape but far more likely to be mugged, or the victim of some sort of beating than women. A pack of 7 pairs of knickers in Asda is less than a 3 pack of boxers. Period products are only women but cost can be significantly reduced by using reusable rather than disposable products.

As I said replies will be from posters who never go anywhere much or out after dark. Or don"t even wear bloody bras!

Rapes and assaults can happen in London too. I take the Tube in London as does DD, but when it stops at midnight, we may take Ubers. DH can walk.

Only if periods medium to light. Quite a few women, like myself, suffered very heavy. Pants are no good at all.

I (a woman) don't do any of those things. If I wanted to, then I'd expect it to come out of my personal discretionary spends.

I don't confirm to 'beauty standards' in order to please men (or other women). Nobody* has ever treated me differently to a similar woman who routinely wears makeup. Not in my career, not on nights out, not with my husband, not meeting new people. People respond to confidence and smiles initially, and then they get to know you and stop seeing whether you look like a human or a doll anyway.

*Except strange men at gutter level. It's useful for avoiding that.

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie,

Fairly standard? No, they are choices. Your choices are not the "standard". YABU.

Men have to buy swimming trunks, so there is an equivalent no?

Women wanting things like waxing, gel nails, botox and other stuff that has been mentioned - if you earn money then spend it how you choose but dont try and wangle it as a necessity. Its a choice purchase and if there was an apocalypse - its not mandatory for survival to have botox or gel nails. Its a nice to have, definitely not a standard for womenhood and most certainly not a necessity.

As a big boobed lady, deffo need a well made bra and they are not cheap. Plus, buying cheapo ones are either uncomfy or the wire comes out within a few months, or both! False economy.

The OP mentions bikini waxes, lingerie and tights.
If your ability to get promoted depends on you need to be spending on these items, I suggest getting another job.

Glad I am not married to a man who counts how many pads I am using or tells me I can do without a bra. All our money is shared.

I dunno. My bras are major feats of structural engineering and tailoring these days. I can see where the money goes.

50+ year old here:

• bikini waxes - nope, home trim is enough
• hairdressers - i go once/ twice a year, less that a man (shorter cuts need more maintenance)
• tights - dont use them, live in trousers
• lingerie - ok a good bra can be expensive I will give you that
• taxis - i take public transport unless i'm with the kids after a long journey. I think I take similar taxis to a man

we do spend more money but not on these things - the pink tax is what is annoying when 'female' things cost more than 'male' things, just because they decide to colour it pink

There is definitely an issue with ‘pink tax’. ‘Women’s products are generally more expensive than men’s. And before anyone suggests just use men’s, I do not want to smell like Lynx Africa etc.
Look how long it took to get VAT removed from period products! And we still have to buy those for a significant part of life.
Women do get promoted more if they are groomed and professional in a way that does not apply to men. How many senior women do you see who look like they have just crawled out of a cave!?!
Women generally are in caregiver roles, often making sacrifices to their earning potential/pension contributions.

In short, yes, it is more expensive to be a woman.

I remember someone once questioned M&S about their pricing structure for knickers v men’s underwear. Apparently, knickers were more expensive because women would pay the prices quoted, but men certainly wouldn’t!

I think thats the point, OP is trying to wangle that their "discretionary spends" should factor things like
Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie

Saying those items are pretty much standard as a woman today ergo their discretion spends should be higher or included in household finances..