AITA for not helping a friend?

[RWat378]

I need to know if I’ve been unreasonable with my best friend…. 3 weeks ago, my she called me at 10pm. I don’t usually pick up at that time but her dad has been quite poorly so I was concerned something had happened. She asked if I was in bed and I said yes. She then said there was a big spider in her bathroom and asked if I would come and get it out of the house for her. We’ve been friends for 20 years and I’ve gone every time she’s asked me previously, however, my toddler had been poorly for a few days and me and my husband had barely slept. I get up at 5.30am for work, and she lives a 15 minute drive away, so it’s likely it would have been 45 minute round trip and I wouldn’t get back until around 11pm. I asked where her cats were (they’ve been handy at getting spiders for her the last couple of years) and she said “they’ve gone to bed for the night”. I asked her to get the cats out of bed to try and get the spider, if that didn’t work and she was still desperate, to call me back and I would go over. I didn’t hear anything else that night.

I messaged her the next day to ask how she got on but she sent a “fine” response. I messaged her again a few days later and she said she was really upset with me for “fucking her off” and also said “I’ve never felt so alone in that moment”. I apologised and explained to her why I was so tired that night, so asked her try something else before getting me out of be, but she didn’t want to hear it and stopped responding to my messages. 3 weeks later, she still hasn’t been in touch. I’ve tried to see things from her POV but I guess I just don’t understand how she’s fallen out with me over this! I hate the silent treatment and find it cruel and manipulative but now I’m wondering if I really have been unreasonable?

Is this actually a wind-up? On what planet do you expect your friend to come to your house to catch a spider, let alone get up out of bed and drive a 30minute round trip to do it. I’d think she was fucking unreasonable if she lived next door to you. Is she 11 years old? She sounds utterly exhausting and completely self-absorbed.

It wasn’t about the spider, she wanted your attention. I was fed up of her by the time I’d read your post. She sounds exhausting and needy. You don’t need friends like that.

Don't doubt yourself. This is utterly ridiculous and yes, I'm not saying it's your fault but you did bring it upon yourself by doing this for her many times before (although not at 10:00 at night not when you wouldn't get home until 11:00, not when you have to get up for work in 6 and 1/2 hours and you have a sick child at home).
For Pete's sake it's a freaking harmless spider in her bathroom it's not like it's hovering above her face in the bedroom and even if it was, this isn't australia, the spiders aren't going to kill you. Yes I know I know. Phobias. You're not being sensitive to people phobias. You know what, I have phobias. And I have never asked anyone to do something like this for me.
If I had a phobia about spiders and I was too afraid to go into the bathroom because there was a spider in there, I would literally pee in a cup overnight (if I had to pee and there was no second bathroom). I wouldn't call my friend over to come get the spider for me.

Your friend is being unreasonable, 99% of people polled said that you are not at fault here. Your friend has to be a big girl and deal with excessively minor problems herself and she can stop giving you the silent treatment and the guilt treatment or else you can pull back from the friendship because it sounds like you're giving more than you're getting and she's being manipulative.

YANBU.
She is a feckin drama queen-and I am saying that as someone who is absolutely terrified of spiders (illogical I know, but it's real to me). I would NEVER expect someone to get out of bed and come and get rid of an eight-legged freak for me!
She has overstepped the mark and you need to establish some boundaries with her-if the friendship even continues.
Honestly, I'd kick her into touch.

She is batshit crazy if she can't see she's in the wrong!

Hold up! She wouldn't disturb her precious pussy, but will disturb you ... screams volumes ... drop this selfish twat.

I have been dealing with spiders alone for two decades She needs to get a grip!

It can be very deskilling relying on partners. I have learned to man up massively.

Why are people so needy these days. I am 53 and wouldn't dream of phoning anybody at any time of the day let alone late at night to come and get a spider (or anything else for that matter). Adults deal with shit, it's part of being a grown up. Let this one die the death OP, she's made a rod for her own back now anyway.