AITA for not helping a friend?

[RWat378]

I need to know if I’ve been unreasonable with my best friend…. 3 weeks ago, my she called me at 10pm. I don’t usually pick up at that time but her dad has been quite poorly so I was concerned something had happened. She asked if I was in bed and I said yes. She then said there was a big spider in her bathroom and asked if I would come and get it out of the house for her. We’ve been friends for 20 years and I’ve gone every time she’s asked me previously, however, my toddler had been poorly for a few days and me and my husband had barely slept. I get up at 5.30am for work, and she lives a 15 minute drive away, so it’s likely it would have been 45 minute round trip and I wouldn’t get back until around 11pm. I asked where her cats were (they’ve been handy at getting spiders for her the last couple of years) and she said “they’ve gone to bed for the night”. I asked her to get the cats out of bed to try and get the spider, if that didn’t work and she was still desperate, to call me back and I would go over. I didn’t hear anything else that night.

I messaged her the next day to ask how she got on but she sent a “fine” response. I messaged her again a few days later and she said she was really upset with me for “fucking her off” and also said “I’ve never felt so alone in that moment”. I apologised and explained to her why I was so tired that night, so asked her try something else before getting me out of be, but she didn’t want to hear it and stopped responding to my messages. 3 weeks later, she still hasn’t been in touch. I’ve tried to see things from her POV but I guess I just don’t understand how she’s fallen out with me over this! I hate the silent treatment and find it cruel and manipulative but now I’m wondering if I really have been unreasonable?

You should have told her she wasn’t alone. She had a guest 😂

She is pathetic and entitled. Never help her again as your reasons were perfectly valid and she was being a diva.

She's being outrageous. How dare she be annoyed you didn't jump out of bed for such a ridiculous reason. I wouldn't even wake up my DH for a spider.

It's hardly a drip feed! The OP literally says:

"We’ve been friends for 20 years and I’ve gone every time she’s asked me previously"

I think she is unreasonable to have gone more than once, but she didn't create a situation where the friend relied upon her, that's entirely on the friend for making requests that any human with a braincell can see is ridiculous and OTT!

I think you’ve done yourself a favour of getting rid of this lunatic out your life.

I have a massive fear of spiders. I’ve gotten better in that I can cope with the spindly leg ones you see (although I do have to vacuum them up if they’re in the bedroom - sorry). The massive ones that my mum always told me were field spiders (I’ve since learnt they’re house spiders) scare the shit out of me and I can’t even vacuum them up I’m so scared. I certainly couldn’t just ignore one once I’ve seen it not be terrified when I no longer know where it is. Even I wouldn’t phone a friend and ask them to come over to get rid of it for me - not even if they lived next door, it was a sociable hour and they had no commitments at home etc. I would work something out (ideally dropping something big and heavy on it).

your “friend” is unreasonable, not you. And I am massively sympathetic to her fear because it makes me sick to my stomach (as a kid, my dad locked me in our pub’s bottle store that was full of them with the light turned off because I was afraid to go in there - fairly certain that did not help me at all).

She obviously wanted OP to get up and drive over but was pissed off she suggested she wake up her fucking cats. Sack her off OP.

Unfortunately the only way I think you could try to see her point of view is by being self absorbed inconsiderate twit like her. I mean seriously, blanking you because you wouldn’t drop everything late at night messing around on a 45 minute trek because she’s too immature to deal with a spider. Never felt so alone? Utterly childish. She needs to grow the fack Up.

@Tillow4ever Your dad did what?? That’s so awful 😭 No wonder you’re still terrified of them! I’m very sympathetic of her phobia - I’m so scared of the dentist that I cry in my car before I go in every time. However, I let out the emotion and then deal with it. The alternative of having my teeth fall out in my 40’s is much worse 😂

"We’ve been friends for 20 years and I’ve gone every time she’s asked me previously"

Jesus wept! Yes you have enabled her. Even so, for her to expect someone who is already in bed to get up, drive to their house, kill a spider and then drive home late at night is fucking ridiculous. I don't care how scared of spiders she is, she's a fucking nightmare of a friend. As confirmed by her behaviour since.

She's being an absolute arse. Let her stew and don't EVER pander to her again!

I have a severe spider phobia but being a grown up I just deal with them using a spider catcher.

Sorry but keep going and don't look back. She can find someone else to get her spiders for her and then get pissed at them when they have real life stuff to bloody do. What a dose.

Ultimately her request and reaction shows that you don't want her as a friend regardless

Your "friend" likes using you, she doesn't care about you. Time to move on.

I am wondering why you cant see yourself that she is being unreasonable? Do you readly think people should be going to other peoples places to pick up spiders for them? You think that is normal?

Your friend is absolutely ridiculous. I hate spiders but it would never occur to me to ask someone else to get our of bed and drive over to my house at night to help me! The fact that she doesn't even acknowledge how ridiculous she was being makes her seem very immature and self centered.

Ok don’t shoot me down.

You absolutely aren’t unreasonable ….

howvwer… she may have what I have…. I am absolutely terrified of them- life effecting, I couldn’t sleep or anything knowing it was in my house. I tremble. I check my bed every night , I walk round all day thinking one might jump out. i once got so stuck as my DH was away and my family all away I wrote on my local Facebook group to ask if someone could come and get it. I know that was risky and a bit mental.

so no you’re absolutely not unreasonable but I’m trying to explain how she might be

Wow!! Your friend is behaving like a spoilt child and needs to grow up!

@Whichone1 I totally get where you’re coming from and it’s the main reason I’ve gone to help her before. I’m very sympathetic to her phobia. I think I’m just shocked at her reaction for the one time I didn’t immediately go help when my reasons were legitimate.

I would not be mates with such a melt.

Just remember OP that she doesn’t care about your situation and how you were suffering with tiredness after looking after your poorly little one.
Stop reaching out. She will come crawling back

I think because of what she said to me, and the silence that has followed since, I started to doubt myself.

It was late, you get up at 5.30am, you were in bed, it would have been- as you say - 45 minutes altogether. You would have been completely unreasonable to yourself and your family if you HAD gone.

Your friend is a dramatic child. You don’t need friends who ask for favours like this. Nobody needs a friend like this.

Sorry but I don’t think this actually happened!

She called you before she tried waking the cats!! She is taking the piss.

I can understand her being upset in the moment due to irrational fear (i have a fear of spiders too). But annoyed the nexf day and for 3 weeks is a joke.