Adult dc protesting about friend coming for Xmas

[Blizzardofleaves]

I am not sure what to make of this tbh. I have a friend ‘Shelia’ and she has recently separated from her dh, and he is taking her dc to his home country for Christmas. Shelia now finds herself at home alone for the whole of Christmas. She doesn’t have any living family.

My dc are away at uni and only arrive home two days before. They have exams in December, and are often very tired. They don’t know Sheila as she is a friend I have known for only 5/6 years and we tend to meet elsewhere, doing activities and dinner etc.

Last Christmas was a disaster, as my in laws got horribly drunk and the lunch was appalling - inedible. We all had Covid by Boxing Day. I had promised my dc a family Christmas this year at home.

I floated the idea of having Shelia come to lunch on Christmas Day and both have said no way. They don’t know her, and they want a lovely fuss free Christmas just the four of us.

I feel sorry for Shelia but understand it’s not my issue to solve, but I am a more the merrier type of person and love having people over.

They have put a line through Xmas Eve and Boxing Day as well, and it feels quite controlling now. But maybe I am being unreasonable, and not very considerate of dc and how tired they are likely to be. We are hosting family parties the weekend before (one dc can make it for those, the other can not)

Please share your thoughts.

Have family time during the Christmas period, have a special meal with your friend before your DC get back given they aren't back for long.
It would likely be uncomfortable for them and completely change the dynamic having a random person they don't know there.

Plenty of days over Christmas to see your friend. I would keep CD, BD and NYE for your children. Believe me, in a few years they might be doing their own thing or you will have to share with their in laws. Make the most of the times you have as a family. You can still factor in plenty of days with your friend.

it is your house

For those saying OP can she Sheila at some other time possibly when DC are at uni, isn't the whole point Sheila is going to be on her own over Christmas period so that is the period OP is focussing on

Christmas Day fine. But maybe you could remind them that Christmas is all about sharing and goodwill, and having someone who’s on their own for the evening before or Boxing Day would be lovely. Plus I bet when it comes to it they will be off seeing friends and should you object will have plenty of reasons why they are adults now and can do what they like!

So what happens when those same children (adults) decide to go somewhere else for Christmas leaving Mum on her own?

Just of the four of us for Christmas since Covid - I realised how much I liked a quiet, easy going Christmas. I can see I only have a few more years of this before my children will potentially have partners and want to do their own thing.

Give it a couple of years and your adult kids could well be leaving you on your own at Christmas. Hopefully Sheila will invite you round.

Who said anything that these lonely people are annoyed though?!

Sorry, my post was sent to wrong thread!

Christmas in PJs is just like any other weekend. They aren't children. It won't kill them to get up, showered and dressed festively for the afternoon following a morning of lounging.

Invite Sheila for wine and nibbles in the late afternoon. If people of uni age can't be arsed to sit up straight and make polite conversation for a little while, with someone who is facing a great deal of upheaval, I would be wondering how I raised them to be like that. They are students, not stevedores, how tired can they be? We've all done what they are doing now, and lived to tell the tale.

What's with all the stuff about "leaving OP on her own" in the next few years? There are 4 of them at Christmas and "neither" offspring want Sheila round, which suggests there is another adult in the house, probably a DP or DH!

Yes I thought that as well "Right Sheila you've had your "festive breakfast" now piss off! 😂

Why can’t they do that? Pjs and relaxed dinner? If Sheila’s joining your family Christmas can’t you just do as planned or
have you offered a all singing, dancing hoopla?

I wouldn’t have asked them, I would have told them that my friend was going to be there. I don’t think for one minute that they would object to someone that I had invited though.

I'd only known one of my friends less than a year before she had me to stay over for Christmas! Otherwise I'd have been really lonely (2020, we know how miserable that year was!)

I’m team DC especially after you described what happened last year. They deserve a nice Xmas and have probably been looking forward to be home and comfortable.
what you do with what they’re saying will most likely impact what they decide for future holidays especially when they have significant others.

You sounded quite annoyed here:

Wow these threads are so depressing. I have no family or friends either and pretty much spend all Christmases alone.
It’s always the DC not wanting to share the days which surprised me as I felt they may have had more empathy and would be more tuned into the real spirit of Christmas perhaps than the previous generation. Unfortunately looks like the ‘I’m alright Jack’ mentality persists.

If I asked DW if my single and childless pal could join us on Christmas/Boxing Day I don't think she would be too thrilled about it in all honesty.

Can totally understand DC point of view of not wanting to spend the Day making small talk with a stranger, and/or missing out on bonding time with DM because she's hosting her friend.

I can understand the kids point of view if last year was awful, they haven’t seen you since September- they probably want chill time with you and not hosting someone they don’t know. I’d include her on 26th or 27th instead.

Maybe they won't? My parents never spent a Christmas alone until the year they both had Covid.

Where have you got this info about not really being an adult until 25 😂

Also bit unfair on DH that OP is potentially hosting her friend on Xmas Day.

Your pre frontal cortex isn’t fully developed until 25.

You're lovely. Christmas is about goodwill to all especially those who are low.

If you haven't already decided, you could invite her to spend Boxing Day with you, maybe stay overnight.

Then they can chose to naff off in the morning or get over themselves and stay and socialise.

Everybody considered.