Adult dc protesting about friend coming for Xmas

[Blizzardofleaves]

I am not sure what to make of this tbh. I have a friend ‘Shelia’ and she has recently separated from her dh, and he is taking her dc to his home country for Christmas. Shelia now finds herself at home alone for the whole of Christmas. She doesn’t have any living family.

My dc are away at uni and only arrive home two days before. They have exams in December, and are often very tired. They don’t know Sheila as she is a friend I have known for only 5/6 years and we tend to meet elsewhere, doing activities and dinner etc.

Last Christmas was a disaster, as my in laws got horribly drunk and the lunch was appalling - inedible. We all had Covid by Boxing Day. I had promised my dc a family Christmas this year at home.

I floated the idea of having Shelia come to lunch on Christmas Day and both have said no way. They don’t know her, and they want a lovely fuss free Christmas just the four of us.

I feel sorry for Shelia but understand it’s not my issue to solve, but I am a more the merrier type of person and love having people over.

They have put a line through Xmas Eve and Boxing Day as well, and it feels quite controlling now. But maybe I am being unreasonable, and not very considerate of dc and how tired they are likely to be. We are hosting family parties the weekend before (one dc can make it for those, the other can not)

Please share your thoughts.

Read OP’s updates. She’s drip fed massively.

Their grandmother died on Christmas Day, her sister in law (their aunty) has been diagnosed with the same condition that killed their grandmother, and spent all of Christmas last year getting drunk to deal with it. Her kids want a nice, calm Christmas Day.

An awful drip feed, poor DC, so their grandma has this condition, passed away, their aunt has it, any chance they could be worried they have it?

I think the unreasonable part is that your two children are more worried about being selfish than by ‘allowing’ a good friend of yours who will be alone on Christmas to come over for a meal.

I would be appalled that my children at Christmas wouldn't be kind and welcome your friend. And I know they would because I raised them to consider others, have empathy and understand the true meaning of Christmas.

Again, read OP’s updates. She drip fed a whole lot of trauma around Christmas.

I’d imagine so. Her poor, poor children.

No, Christmas isn’t the same. It’s a day specifically about good will to all men.

How embarrassing. Perhaps before sharing your pearls of wisdom you should read all the OP’s posts (not hard) and you’d find out that her MIL, her DCs granny, died on Christmas Day a few years ago, and her DD, their aunt, found out last year that she has the same condition that killed her mother.

Just have a nice Christmas with your kids. They asked, you promised.

Just not from OP to her traumatised children, apparently

And what about for DCs who’s granny died in that day a few years back? No good will for them?
Read the OP’s updates.

@Blizzardofleaves has Sheila even remotely given you any indication she wants this?

You don’t understand the idea of hyperbole then?
anyway, with OP’s updates about bereavement and sickness I can see her kids point. It’s not about being exclusive, more about space to process.

Hardly embarrassing when the OP has only recently shared these facts.

Except I didn’t know about the drip feeds. That’s what happens when you don5 give all the pertinent facts upfront.
For a family wothout these issues, I stand by my point.

How embarrassing that you felt the need to write this to someone. You okay?

Except I didn’t know about the drip feeds. That’s what happens when you don5 give all the pertinent facts upfront.
For a family wothout these issues, I stand by my point.

Embarrassing when people are incapable of clicking “see next” or “see all” before posting. That drip feed was clearly there when that poster decided to give us her twopennoth.

Incapable? Seriously are you okay?

I would want my children to enjoy Christmas and the reality is young people of student age have no interest in spending time with random middle aged women they don’t know. Why should they?

I say that as a middle aged woman myself. I don’t expect peoples’ kids to like me or want to spend time with me. It’s not my right to expect that.

Plus I would be absolutely mortified & humiliated to crash someone else’s Xmas period when their student kids didn’t want me. I would hate to do that! If Sheila is a decent person she will feel the same. And if she wouldn’t feel that - why are you inviting her?

Arrange to meet her for a Christmas drink the day before Xmas Eve, instead.

The ‘more the merrier’ approach only works when the guests are actually welcome. She is clearly not. And if she has any sensitivity she’ll probably realise that- it’s a recipe for disaster.

I think there is potentially an underlying taste here abour respecting your children’s right to choose not to spend time with people they have no interest in. It’s not like they are 5, when you can insist on them spending time with Timmy down the road.

Why on earth didn't you include these drip feed details in your OP?

Fuck Sheila. She isnt the only one who is having a hard time here is she?

Well maybe the OP should have put that up originally. It's a big drip feed

I think I’d feel the same as your DC tbh. They’re returning home knackered and want to be able to fully relax with their family but won’t feel able to if there’s a stranger in the house. I’d feel differently if this was a close family friend or relative. Arrange to spend some time with her over the Christmas period 1:1, suggest going out for a coffee or something.

Suppose it wouldn’t have had so many posters enjoying saying how awful and terrible the dc were if she had!

Most people follow a thread through. If it’s still going, why look at just OP’s posts? OP should have given the critical info in the first post.

Presumably she didn’t want that to happen - so giving the reason they wanted a quiet Christmas would have been a good plan.