To think there’s something special about my child?

[FallDayAllDay]

I will begin by saying my child can be a real challenge to parent. She is strong willed, determined, likes to be in control of her own day etc. All can be qualities, but can be really tricky in a world where we have places to be and a schedule to stick to. And when she is unhappy, she can be quite turbulent.

DD is 8, and much though she is tricky, she amazes me in equal measure. For example. She got given some wool and knitting needles from a family member when she was 6. She asked me if I would teach her to use them. I said I would but that first I would need to learn how to use them myself. Within a week, she had grown impatient. She took the iPad and searched for tutorials. She came downstairs and had knitted about 15 rows of a scarf, pretty perfectly. This is one of many stories. She has taught herself to play two instruments. She has determination like I have never seen. She will sit for hours until she masters something. Her stamina is incredible, but that’s when it’s something of her own choosing.

At school, she moves between expected and greater depth. By no means the smartest kid in the class, but she is the youngest in her class and each year, seems to move higher. She completes her homework each week, as soon as she gets home on the day the homework is handed out. She has written books of multiple chapters in length. She loves to perform and has carried out solo performances in front of around 250 people, without so much as a butterfly in her stomach. She is funny and sensitive, she has fire in her belly and never gives up.

I know this post sounds braggy, I really don’t mean for it to be. I just sometimes worry that I don’t quite know how to nurture her best. I feel like she always wants to do more, learn more and know more and I’m somehow limiting her by my lack of knowledge, skills and finances to give her all the tuition that she would just revel in. I feel like the life I give her is quite a dull one when she is so vibrant.

Maybe I just see her as exceptional because she’s my child, and I’m programmed to feel that way. I just think the sky could be the limit for her, but I am somehow not going to be able to give her the opportunities that she could have if I were smarter, or more financially secure.

🤣🤣🤣 everyone feels like that about their child. Isn't it just PFB carried on for some time?!

My kids are at uni. I wish they had more of your girl’s self motivation and drive! I think your daughter sounds special!

I disagree. It is highly unusual for 8 year olds to teach themselves how to play two instruments. Also, while some 6 year olds will be ready to learn to knit, very few would have the wherewithall to teach themselves to do so competently from a video they looked up themselves. She sounds like she has great fine motor skills as well as being bright and determined.

@FallDayAllDay I think that the best thing you can do for your DD is to continue to support her in her interests. So much info is available online now (like the knitting videos), that you do not need to be the one that teaches her everything yourself. Your love and support is the most important thing for her, and will be for some years.

That's nice

Point being that everyone thinks their DC are exceptionally special, even when they display poor behaviour.

That’s not true that every parent thinks their DC are exceptional. A far proportion can only find fault with their DC.

OP, I love this!

You have inspired me. Yesterday after a particularly trying few months of escalating behaviour, I wrote a very negative post about my child. I am going to take your lead and keep a closer eye on all of the lovely amazing things my child is capable of!

It sounds to me like you don't need to do anything differently even if you had the means to.

Not necessarily. Teaching herself to play two instruments is impressive and is an objective fact. Her rank in the class is an objective fact. Also, some parents downplay their kids: mine were like that. I was always top of my year in most subjects, was dux, won a prize at University for having the top mark in my subject that year. My parents always said that I am average, and I sort of half believed them, although as time went on, it became clearer and clearer that I am not.
OP, is there any way you could improve your financial situation to give your child more opportunities?

Don't be silly, she is clearly not just 'normal'.

My daughter was very similar. She always sought out new skills and knowledge. Knew so much random information at age 8 that her sister decided she knew more than google. She was also hard to parent. In my opinion gifted is actually synonymous with autism in the vast majority of cases. The teenage years were difficult and she was ultimately pulled out of school due to mental health issues. Fortunately we had the money to continue her education online. She has followed a career in what she loves and I’ve no doubt she will excel in life but the downside of her being “gifted” is that she struggles to maintain friendships (she did fine until around 12). Also she finds it hard to be content in life.

It would be sad if a parent didn't recognise their child's strengths and think they were special. You don't need to do anything more, it sounds like she had the motivation and ability to go and learn for herself as she did with the knitting and YouTube. The Internet definitely has it's positives for children. Many talented people in the arts come from very deprived backgrounds, if someone has the talent and motivation they don't needs lots of money to achieve.

Same here but different generation and, I suspect from your use of a certain word, not based in England.

I think teaching herself to knit like that is pretty incredible tbh. I can't imagine any kids able to do that at such a young age. It sounds like there isn't much you need to do tbh as she's choosing her own things and working out how to do them. Everyones dream tbh. I'm very surprised that people are telling you it's perfectly normal and average. It so clearly isn't. And why shouldn't you brag in an anonymous post. Not that you are. She sounds like she will go far!

Check out https://potentialplusuk.org

Well done to your son and best of luck to him going forward. These children with cancer, and their families, are absolutely amazing and put everyone else in the shade.

She sounds exceptional, really exceptional

Indeed. The country North of it.

I think there is something special about my DS, also. He is adopted. He is unlikely to ever meet age related expectations at school, learn an instrument or possibly ever pass a GCSE. He may always be a bit wild. But despite being born to a drug addict, neglected for his first year and in foster care for a further year, he is now (a good few years on from being placed with us) a normal size for his age. He has friends. He has a steroid inhaler, which means there are no more hospital admissions. He can do cartwheels and draw nice pictures. It's all relative, I guess.

I enjoyed reading that and I think she sounds fab OP, but this is Mumsnet where people will want to stomp you down a peg or 2.

He IS special Hazelnuts2016, as are you for achieving all this and turning his life around.

No she does not sound “ completely within in the bounds of normal ( average ) “ , snipy much 🙄 …
Not many 6 year old children will teach themselves how to knit , or sit for hours on end until they master whatever task they’ve put their mind to , because most 6/7/8 year olds just don’t have the attention span for it . She has written books with multiple chapters in length !!!!! WOW !!! & she is all of 8 years … Has taught herself how to play 2 instruments…

Indeed you have a very gifted little girl OP ☺️.
Stop beating yourself up about finances & not being clever enough.
Once she has your love & support all will be good ..

I hope you ignore all the nasty comments..
It’s awful when you come on here for some kind words & encouragement & you get bitter feedback..

Best of luck to you & your daughter OP x

Doesn't sound at all average, she sounds very creative

Yes I was thinking it sounded quite a bit like me at that age, I now know I am neurodivergent.

I don’t think learning musical instruments or writing multi-chattered stories is standard 8 year old behaviour. It’s not remarkable, but it’s not what every 8 year old is doing.

As much as many pp’s have gleefully rushed in to say that your daughter “sounds normal”, “everyone thinks their child is special” - actually your daughter does sound very bright. The self teaching of knitting and instruments is particularly unusual.

She may be a bit upset by some of the posts.