Not going halves with friend on lunch

[Rachaelf37]

So I went for lunch with one of my close friends a few weeks ago. She chose a slightly more expensive main and after had a small pudding whilst I just had a hot drink. When it was time to leave she said shall we split the bill. I said shall we just pay for our own as I didn't have a pudding.
I got a slight discount with a card I had (gave us both a discount). I then worked out my share rounded it up slightly and paid mine. She paid hers but was complaining why can't we split it.
I already had explained I was pretty broke that month for various reasons.

She is now not talking to me, weeks later. Was I being unreasonable?

100 % this ^^

Why not just go out for coffee or a walk in the park if you are on a tight budget?

I would rather do that than object to splitting a bill when both parties have consumed, within reason, more or less the same, or one a little more than the other, because over the course of a long term friendship, you usually end up more or less even anyway.

Or you should do anyway! Is that the case here op?

But that's not what "transactional" means.

Op's friend's attitude of "I will only be your friend if you pay for some of my expenses" is transactional, ie. you get my time, I get your money - there's the transaction.

The op said £7. That is enough for a pint of milk, a loaf of bread and half a dozen medium eggs which might not mean a lot on mums net but could go a long way in the real world. Op is completely within her right.

It’s a shame your friend has reacted this way. If it is particularly unusual behaviour it might be she is struggling with something and too embarrassed to say. Hopefully she will cool off and get back to you at a later date.

I don’t think the friend is concerned about the money. That’s not why she’s upset.

And so would I
What it's got to do with me is the OP asked for opinions and the conversation evolved.
HTH

👍 nice to meet you. 🙂

It was £7 between 2 people so £3.50 each.

She obviously was as that’s why she asked to split and then was upset because she didn’t .

So you don't actually know that the reason she's not talking to you is anything to do with this bill? You don't even know she's not talking to you, just that she hasn't replied to your messages recently?

Well no it bloody doesn't help at all does it? It's not what the AIBU about. It's not what OP asked but put it in for context. It's not evolving it going off on a tangent and it seems to be having a dig for no good reason.

I would love MN to ban the snarky HTH

You spent within your means, which meant picking one of the cheapest courses, no starters/puddings and paying for what you consumed. Nothing wrong with that and I find it pretty disgusting that people are trying to shame you. I am sorry but your friend doesn't sound like a real friend if she has fallen out with you over this.

People don’t ask to split a bill because of money. In fact it’s for the opposite reason - they don’t want money to be a consideration. They just want a continued shared experience and no necessity for a calculator.

I guess this is the root of people feeling differently about this matter - differing mindsets and intents.

She got HERSELF a discount. The discount would have had to come off the whole bill, I am sure she would have tried to get the discount off just her half if she could. This is about £3.50, not a huge amount. Maybe the friend is fed up of her skinflint ways. I can't imagine looking at someone's main and thinking...Oh yours was £1.50 more than mine AND you had a small dessert. I am going to dissect the bill, use my small discount, not pay a tip and pay for EXACTLY what passed my lips. It's mortifying.
That said, I don't agree with the friend falling out with her over it but then again, if she has form for being tight, maybe the friend just had enough.
The fact she mentioned that she bought her a bracelet "once"...means she is keeping score.

Not your friend OP.
Yes I would normally split bill with mates, even if they have had more BUT if you specifically said beforehand you were broke and you asked to pay for your own then absolutely I would do that without question and certainly without having a hissy fit about it. It doesn't matter the amount.
I would also add that had my mates had more than me, they would generally offer to pay their share, not split it, and it would be me suggesting that no its fine we can split. unless it was excessive.
Friends don't do this.

What do you normally do when you go out with her?

Well that's a luxury not everyone can afford and most people can add up 3 or 4 numbers within a few pence without a calculator.

Main 12.95 call it 13,
Drink 4.95 call it 5
Coffee 3.50 makes it 21.50 then you decide how much to round up for a tip. No calculator required.

Why are some people being so arsey in their responses.
A good 18 or so years ago I was SKINT, just moved into my own place with my now husband and discovered what bills were! I still wanted to see my friends though so I would budget and sometimes it meant I’d only have £10 to spend on a meal (mains and water). It meant I could eat out and see my friend but if then I had “oh let’s split, £15 each) then I wouldn’t have had that extra £5 plus it meant I was paying for some of my friends food.
Some people don’t want to split and thats ok, because let’s be honest unless you order the same, when splitting you are generally paying for a part of someone’s meal. Some people don’t want to do that and some people are happy to.
Im happy to split now, because none of my mates are piss takers and I’m in a different financial situation than I was, but some people do budget, have a set amount to spend, and don’t want to pay for someone else’s drink/dessert!

But for some people it is a consideration! Op knew her limits . Why is she supposed to feel shamed because she didn’t want to split this time . It’s ridiculous. What should’ve been a lovely meal out turned sour because her friend complained about not splitting. Why wasn’t her friend considerate .

So it's OPs fault not cheeky fucker friend? Why shouldn't she go out for lunch if she can pay her own?

If you’re struggling financially, don’t have lunch - just meet for a drink. People nitpicking over restaurants bills is one of my pet hates…

I think if it's a few pounds difference, I would just split it. Difference if they are swigging cocktails and you've had a coffee.

However, when I've been skint in the past, I've let my friends know up front I'll be paying my own as I'm a bit short at the time. They were all completely fine with it as they are really good friends and would never make me feel bad about being skint.
I would however have chosen somewhere not too expensive as well.

I'm on more money now so am able to do more things and eat out better if I wish.

Your friend is completely overreacting and isn't much of a friend. Just make sure you're upfront about paying your own when you're arranging to meet up. If they are a good friends, they will understand.

Wouldn't you make a compromise for a friend? Surely having empathy to someone's situation is being a good friend. There are cheaper restaurants to visit. Like a chain who do deals.

YANBU. Pay for what you have, that’s completely fair.

I never understand 'splitting' a bill.

The only people ever in favor of it are pisstaking CF who benefit. If your not benefiting then there literally no reason to do it but if you are benefiting you're basically stealing from your friends which says everything about your character.

She could moan until she was blue in the face, I would simply tell her 'its not my job to subsidize you lifestyle, you should have got what you could afford like I did'.

Not a friend. Focus on your actual friends. This person's just a tight ass lunch buddy.