Ex charging daughter for animal supplies

[StitchHappens]

My ex got a rabbit for our daughter (now 13) around a year ago. At the time she was spending half her holidays at his, and half of her weekends fri to sun, the others just on a Sunday. He had an agreement with her that she was to pay for everything the rabbit needed (food/bedding/treats/toys etc). I thought this was unfair as essentially the only way she had of funding this was the pocket money I gave her and her savings, however it was an agreement between them so I didn't interfere.
Since then he has started a business with his partner which means if my dd is there she has to be with them at the shop for the day. Due to this she has started just going to his late on a Saturday night and staying til 4 on a Sunday (when she has riding lessons there - which I pay for). This means she has very little time to spend with the rabbit, basically cleaning it out on a Sunday morning before leaving around 9.30am ish. Because of this he suggested that she bought the rabbit to mine, which i agreed to. Ex came in to discuss yesterday when he dropped her off and asked if we had everything we needed including a cage. I said i wouldn't be buying a cage as I was under the impression it was just a case of moving the rabbit from one house to the other. He then messaged my daughter last night and said he would bring the rabbit when she had transferred £60 for the cage/mats. Am I wrong to thing he is taking the piss?? Or is this between them? I am inclined to transfer her the money as u don't think he should be asking her for it. They got the rabbit for free and she has paid for everything it has needed for the past year.
Aibu?

Depends how big the cage is - for two rabbits you need a cage that is 2mx3m and at least 1m of height.

Tell him he's a shit father and send a tenner in coppers through his letterbox for the cage then. Seeing as he's such an arse he doesn't even deserve £20.

What can he 'legitimately' charge her for now the rabbit is at yours? Reiterate it's not normal in your own home when you're an actual child to have to pay board etc. He should be giving her pocket money. Of course she should do chores etc but she's not a 29 year old lodger.

Rabbits ideally need a chicken coop house or shed or similar attached to a fox-proof outside run for when they're alone, with supervised free range access to the garden during the day when you're home.

They also should be vaccinated and spayed/neutered and bonded with at least one other spayed/neutered rabbit (male and female bonds tend to work best but same sex bonds can work too).

What dog do you have? Doesn't sound ideal tbh. Have you considered how you will keep them entirely apart? What on earth will you do if something accidental happens in that context?

No there wouldn't be an outcry - because it would be a totally different situation.

The daughter has been paying for food etc for the rabbit, the dad has the cage at his house and wants his daughter to pay him for that cage if she wants to move it to her mums house. The reason it needs to move is because he can't see her as much.

This is eerily similar to what my ex done. Bought the kids a hamster to encourage them to spend time at his as they didn’t enjoy it much. He knew they loved hamsters as they had one each in our home.

Kids ofcourse loved the hamster but still didn’t enjoy time at his, he told my oldest at the time (11) that Mum would need to buy the hamster and kit off of him or he was rehoming the hamster. I refused, he wanted something like £100 and the set up was horrible! Thankfully MIL and his now ex put their foot down and hamster was given to the children. A better set up and the little hamster lived for another 2 years 🥰

Fast forward to now, neither children speak to Dad and always remember him trying to scam money 🤣

Dog is a working line lab. She is well trained and would leave if told to, but it wouldn't be safe to leave them unsupervised. She doesn't go upstairs, which is where the rabbit would be most of the time. We have guinea pigs with no problem, though i appreciate they don't need the same exercise space as a rabbit.
It's not ideal, no, but I do believe we could give the rabbit a safe environment with lots of enrichment activities and plenty of time.

"Sorry Mate. Your daughter doesn't have that kind of money. Just bring rabbit. XXX."

And get your own cage.

Sounds very familiar. In all honesty i think that will probably be the outcome long term. I do struggle to balance trying to protect her with allowing her to see him for who he is now. (Honestly he was not like this when we were together!)

Sadly she transferred the money to him when he said he would arrange to get the rabbit to mine once she had paid for the cage.. 🤮
I have put the money back in her account.

Thank you for your reply, sounds like you've thought it all through carefully. I used to have many guinea pigs as a young teenager, they're lovely.
Just to add - your ex sounds like a right arsehole and I do feel sorry for your daughter. As you say she defends him, I think you're handling this much better and more patiently than I would. Hope your DD enjoys spending more time with her rabbit.

If she's done it through a bank account, you may be able to get the bank to reverse the transaction just to prevent him making a profit from exploiting his daughter. Also, not directly to the point but if you haven't already please make sure you get the CMS your ex is paying adjusted for the reduction in time he has your daughter stay with him! It may be minor but in addition to the fact that he owes her the money, it sounds like money is the only thing he cares about so perhaps the only route to getting him to behave decently toward her, even superficially.

What a tosser. I wouldn't transfer him a penny, I'd buy her a cage and mats and leave it at that.

Unfortunately he doesn't pay via cms. He sends £200 a month for the 2 of them. Has done for the last 3 years. He is self employed so as far as I can tell there's no point me going through them, as I'd possibly end up with even less.

So he's holding a rabbit ransom?

What's he gonna do with the poor thing if you won't pay? Actually, don't answer that.

she’s said a few times it’s already been paid.

He sounds like a twit. When a parent purchases a pet for their child they are responsible for the costs associated. Age dependent, child can reasonably be expected to contribute to care of the animal by way of feeding it/cleaning enclosure/playing with it but that’s about it. If circumstances have changed and you’re happy to have the pet moved to yours then fine but him expecting payment for the cage off of a 13 year old or her mother who has kindly offered to take the pet that HE chose to get in is ridiculous behaviour and I’d tell him as much.

what a horrible man. Does he pay any maintenance?? I bloody hope so. Absolute liberty charging your own child to keep the pet you got for them. What was he gonna do if she didn’t buy the cage from him? Sell it on? Get another rabbit?? He’s a fucking chancer trying to profit off his own child. That’s disgusting.

This rabbit hasn’t been given the life it deserves and it doesn’t sound like you can offer it a quality life in your home given the fact you have a dog.

Get the rabbit from your ex and contact a reputable rehoming place for it.

Rabbits do not deserve to be locked in a hutch alone for their lives.

Have you read the thread?

I've read plenty of threads on here about tightwads but your Ex could win prizes.

I feel so bad for your daughter, her dad is awful for financially controlling her like that via an animal she loves. It’s a mild form of financial abuse.

Poor rabbit. She deserves so much better. I have had rabbits as pets before and they are very sociable animals. You need to get another one. sure, they may fight like hell at first while they establish territory/rabbit rules, but after that they will be inseparable.

You need to get that poor bunny rehomed ASAP to people who are knowledgable and can meet their needs.

There are some real shit fathers out there.