To be upset with what my friend said?

[Blueybingomum]

I’m currently trying to lose weight. Iv lost just under 4 stone and have quite abit to go.

i went out with my BF last night for a few drinks and joked “can you tell iv lost any weight yet?”

and she seriously took a step back and looked me up and down and said no I’m sorry.

it ruined my night 😂😩 she was being deadly serious but surely in that situation you lie?

To be honest, even it was it would still be noticeable. I've a friend about that weight who has lost 7 stone and I noticed at 2-3stone

It’s entirely possible she hasn’t noticed - lots of people really don’t pay attention to weight, and if you see someone everyday, it can be hard to notice any changes.

That said, she could have been a bit more diplomatic!

It’s rude to go fishing for compliments as you have done. Instead you could have said how happy you were on the injections and how you have lost 4 stone on them. She would likely then have congratulated you on your achievement.

There was no need to ask for her to comment
on your body.

OP, I hope from the replies you have learned that your friend would not be abnormal to not notice your weight loss, especially if she sees you frequently.
Also that you put her on the spot which is unkind.
And now you are looking on her badly because she was honest when you used her on your compliment fishing trip.

Please apologise to her and explain. She is probably feeling awkward and wondering if you are going to have a problem with her.

Alternatively, when you lose another 4 stone you can enjoy the friendship of people who suddenly consider you friend material because you are lighter.
Just know they may be fairweather friends if you ever get heavier again, unlike your current friend who isn't focussed on that.

Anyway, well done on losing the weight, it's a big acheivement. I am sure you feel better and look better to yourself.

My weight loss didn't show for months, but then I also didn't ask anyone if they could see it. People did say when they saw it though.

WRT the best friend's answer, I would expect my bestie to be honest with me even if it wasn't something I wanted to hear.

I think it is a flaw, to be honest. I live inside my mind a lot as well, but I also notice what is going on with other people. People on here are the first to have a go at men who 'don't notice' what needs to be done in the house, for example. Part of living in society is noticing what goes on around you, not living in a perpetual dream world.

Nonsense. OP certainly shouldn't apologise. And I call bullshit on the friend 'not noticing'.

How often does she see you? When you see people very regularly you adjust to the little changes. If you don't see people often it's easier to notice differences.

Like many things, I think people’s powers of observation exist on a spectrum.

I know someone who notices the kind of socks a stranger is wearing when they’re ten people ahead of them in a queue, and someone who doesn’t notice that their other-half has decorated the house for Christmas and that they’re now sitting next to a brightly lit Christmas tree when watching tv 😁
Both women btw, both very caring people.

Of course she can tell, I'm tall but a loss of 4 stone would be very noticeable, more so if someone is shorter.

I lost 5 stone and when I mentioned it my friend said " not that you'd notice. You're still big". I wasn't,I was at target weight. She's now an ex friend.

No, why would you want to be lied to. I find it very difficult to lie. I worry I will come across fake. So I don't do fake niceties. If I don't think you look nice I won't say 'you look nice' because I think that will sound very fake.

There is absolutely no unwritten expectation to lie, or am I ND? I think I am but too old to be diagnosed.

I value honesty. Also, if you ask a direct question you cannot be upset you get a truthful answer.

Does this not make you realise you can trust that friend and find her more valuable?

How is this friend meant to know when she is and isn't supposed to lie?

Well done!

If it was someone who's usually lovely I would assume she was being nasty. She genuinely didn't notice. Most probably because she isn't very appearance focussed.

If she's obsessed with her own weight and always talking about weight loss and diets then I can't imagine why she wouldn't say something positive unless she was jealous.

Honestly, you can’t necessarily tell - it really depends on how much the person weighed to begin with, where they’ve lost the weight from, how they dress, how they hold themselves and how often you see each other.

If you watch a lot of those programmes about weight and obesity, people will come on having dropped dress sizes etc. but the difference in their actual bodies isn’t actually that noticeable when they’re dressed etc.

Is she also overweight? It’s common for people who are to be jealous when someone successfully loses weight. I lost 7 stone years ago and my mum always commented on how ‘skeletal’ I was and how I had no bum. I was the healthiest I’d ever been, she just didn’t like it because she’s yo-yo’d her entire life and never lost weight in a sustainable way.

I wouldn’t pay any attention, there’s just no way a 4 stone loss isn’t noticeable! You’ve done a great job, keep it up.

Well done @Blueybingomum You've done brilliantly!

And as pps have said, no way is 4 stone not noticeable. Unless you're 6 ft 6, and were 36 stone!!!

Joking aside, I agree with the posters saying it's never great to fish for compliments. I never do because I hate getting them. I guess you asked her just because you were surprised she hadn't said anything yet?

Probably best to wait in future, for people to say something first. It's very unlikely that your friend hasn't noticed your weight loss though. Sounds like she's a bit jealous to be honest.

Go YOU though. You should be proud of yourself. 🤗

This.

Well done @Blueybingomum

I've lost 3 stone and 3 to go and honestly, it's not that noticeable.

Can you see I've lost weight, yes a bvit but by looking at me you'd never guess it was 3 stone.

Well done op.

If losing weight on a background or being very large, even a 4 stone weight loss may look like a drop in the ocean. Also if you are wearing similar clothes then there may be no visible difference.

Don't ask a question if you don't want an honest answer. You are BU to fish for compliments and then get upset that she's just being honest.

Has she not noticed? It's very possible.

How often do you see her?
If she hasn't seen you since you first stated dieting, 4 stones is a lot and will be noticeable.
If you see each other all the time, it's not an overnight change, she might very genuinely think you look exactly the same as you did the previous week, and the week before.

Most parents don't see their children changing either, it's only when you look at photos that you think: wow, totally different in a few months.

Oh please, maybe you wish it's jealousy. Some people prefer to not get involved in weight talk, it's a minefield. I have a friend who's overweight and she sometimes goes up or down but I hardly notice. And if I did I'm not going to be mentioning it. I think in the OP's case the friend should have lied and said yes.

Unless you weight 24 st and are short or similar there is no way wjat she said is factually true.

So she said it to be hurtful.

You yourself must know your clothes are much bigger you need a smaller size

Sorry to say but sounds like shes not much of a friend

Was you wearing more baggy and weight hiding clothes before you lost the weight. This might explain it.
When I am over weight I tend to wear baggy, all black, longer tops that hide my stomach and bum.
Then when I lose weight i wear more fitting stuff and more colourful.
Which means that objectively, ai probably don't look like I have lost much weight to someone jusy seeing me in my clothes as my heavier weight was hidden.
If you feel better, healthier and more confident then that's what really matters.
Wrll done for losing it :)

This forum is full of posters who keep banging on "how rude/ nasty/ inappropriate" it is to comment on people's body and people's weight.

People can't win. If you'd say to any of these posters: you've lost weight, you look great, they will be deeply offended and upset.

Safer to shut up. Nothing to do with jealousy. It says more about you to think everyone else is only basing their worth and self-esteem on their own body weight, not everybody is like that.

If nothing else, when you have been slim all your life, that's the least interesting thing about you, being slim.

(not directed to the OP, replying to the general comments)