To be upset with what my friend said?

[Blueybingomum]

I’m currently trying to lose weight. Iv lost just under 4 stone and have quite abit to go.

i went out with my BF last night for a few drinks and joked “can you tell iv lost any weight yet?”

and she seriously took a step back and looked me up and down and said no I’m sorry.

it ruined my night 😂😩 she was being deadly serious but surely in that situation you lie?

I’ve lost a similar amount, some friends have mentioned it and complimented me so much so that it’s a bit embarrassing.
I also have a couple of friends who haven’t mentioned it at all, they’re both friends I have known for many years so they will have seen me at this weight in the distant past. They also didn’t mention when I gained weight!
I certainly wouldn’t be asking anyone if they could tell. I can tell and that’s what is important. It probably is quite obvious because I am happier with how I look so I am wearing more fitted clothes rather than hiding under loose clothing.

I'll be honest, I am totally blind to my friends weights. Like I know one of my friends is obese, but only because she's told me. Like I'm not friends with her because of her size. In your friends shoes I would have probably felt the same(difference is I would have lied) I don't see people I love by size.

I don’t get that, would a compliment of you look great or something really have been that hard, even saying janie said you’ve lost 3 stone, well done, what an achievement? If I was sitting there I’d just assume you were so jealous you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

I can be very literal and not understand what people explicitly mean. She may have meant that there is no difference between she saw you last (recently) and that particular night not realizing you meant since the start of your journey. I can be really dumb like that.

Or she is a total cow.

She was being honest.

you asked a question and she replied… honestly … and apologised as she knew you would be upset.

i would rather have an honest friend.

i agree that weight loss is often not noticeable.

i work with someone who has just been to turkey to have excess skin removed after weight loss.

we have worked together the whole time she was losing the weight. I didn’t notice.

well done on your journey and feel proud. But remember others are on their journeys….

i have a friend who has lost quite a bit of weight, although not as much as you.

she still wears dark, loose clothes and you couldn’t tell the difference in her body, however, her face has dramatically changed and it’s impossible to not notice.

I’m on the fence. At 3.5 stone neither myself nor anyone else (honestly and objectively) could tell where any weight had shifted. It obviously had as my pants had started to wriggle down and had to constantly be pulled up, but it was that my overall shape had not shifted at all. It really wasn’t until going past 5 stone that you could genuinely notice it visibly even though my clothes had noticed earlier. I think it’s noticeable in people who lose it more off specific areas rather than as a general all over?

In terms of weight loss being noticeable, it can be helpful to think of it as a percentage or fraction. If you're 12 stone and lose 4 stone, you've lost a third of your body weight - it's going to be obvious. If you start at 24 stone and lose 4 stone, you've lost 1/6 of your body weight, which is a great achievement, but less likely to be obvious when fully dressed.

That said, I think your friend was tactless. I wonder if she is used to you being 'the big one' in your friendship, and feels threatened by the idea of you losing weight, changing the dynamic. She could have said 'You're looking really good' or something to that effect if she felt unable to say your weight loss was noticeable.

But, never mind your friend. You've lost 4 stone - that's amazing! Keep going towards your goal and soon it will be obvious to everyone and you'll start getting compliments from all sorts of people.

4 stone is amazing, well done.

I have a friend that has lost 5 stone this year. She was upset after a recent night out that nobody seemed to notice. But she’s very, very big and I think it’s not that obvious yet.

To be charitable, could it be that she's constantly seen you throughout the process, therefore it's not as obvious a change to her as it would have been if she hadn't seen you for, say, 6 months? Sometimes people just aren't as observant in that situation.

I’ve lost 6st, I was 16stone to start with and nobody really noticed until I’d lost about 3.5 stone.

its crap cos losing this amount of weight IS an achievement, but keep going! Don’t let her dent your resolve.

eventually everyone will notice! 😊

YANBU. I also don't understand all the people on the thread who claim to be 'weight blind'. I mean, I guess I can understand not picking up on an incremental weight loss, but not noticing after someone has lost over four stone!? C'mon.

I probably wouldn't notice tbh. I don't really look at other people's bodies that closely and I would never comment them. Being asked to comment would make me uncomfortable.

I think it depends somewhat on starting weight. If that was 15 stone or less, I think she was being disingenuous.

Even if she didn’t see signs of weight loss, most friends will nod along and say yes, you look great, well done.

Do you think she might be jealous?

The only way someone could legitimately not notice a four stone weight loss is if the person who lost weight was around 30 stone. I'm going to assume OP was not that big, as it is statistically unlikely. Friend is rude and a bit mean.

I can only put it down to being self focused and not paying attention to other people. As when weight goes down this much it is also visible on the face. Either that or it’s a justification for not wanting to pay a compliment. But as there is no reason for that on here, I assume it’s just not paying any form of remote attention to someone’s appearance.

Not to notice that amount of weight drop? No, not a nice friend.

I know this is a different situation because OP asked her friend directly, but I’d never mention weight loss to someone.

I once bumped into an acquaintance who’d clearly lost a lot of weight and looked well (she’d been quite heavy before). I was going to mention it, but didn’t as I was worried that would indirectly say she’d been overweight before. I later found out she’d lost the weight because she had terminal cancer.

How? I'm curious as to how people don't notice something so obvious. Unless the person was an absolute wizard at dressing to look smaller, which I suppose is just possible. Still, surely the face also looks different?

Exactly. I think that people think it comes across as being above such trivial things, but actually it is weird and as you say self absorbed. I would also wonder what on earth else they didn't notice.

Some people just aren’t very observant. It’s not because they’re self obsessed or anything.

I agree with you, I think people think it makes them sound deep and focused on the person, when actually it makes them sound self absorbed and not paying any attention to others.

I am also weight blind especially if I see the person regularly. Asking questions like that on the spot fill me with dread(sorry) if she said yes would you have wanted to talk about how you lost it? It’s one of those conversations that can be forced on someone and it’s not very interesting.

well done on the weight loss.

I don't notice lots of stuff. I am someone who tends to live inside my mind a lot and I don't go around noticing and assessing what other people are up to. This isn't a flaw, people are just different. However, I do think attributing negative characteristics to someone who isn't just like you is a major flaw.

Absolutely do not agree with this at all.