Humiliated in restaurant

[Satwife]

Out for a meal last night with family/wider family. Starters all came at different points and a couple of issues with the mains too (forgetting sides). I had a polite word with the waitress who was apologetic. DH felt this was unnecessary.

Bill was brought over by a man and he apologised for the issues and said they were very busy with new staff getting used to things before December. Apology was directed to me.

DH said ‘sorry mate, she’s due on’ and laughed. Man didn’t react and awkwardly said he’d get the card machine.

DH maintains today I was being unreasonable and he attempted to diffuse things with humour!

Some strange responses from people over you complaining about the poor service. You are paying for a service and you did the correct thing by alerting the waitress so that she could make it right. In a situation like the one you experienced the correct way to deal with it is to politely point out the issues to the waitstaff, they should then speak with the kitchen and plan ahead for the next course regarding pacing. For meals that were not prepared correctly, they should have replaced them for the correct dishes. If the person who was waiting on you was unable or unwilling to correct their mistakes you then politely ask to speak to the manager. Waiting until you get home to then post a negative comment, as some previous poster suggested is really pathetic and passive because a simple kind word with the staff at the moment allows them the chance it make it right and salvage the evening.

As for your DH, I would be mortified by what he said and I would be disappointed that I was married to someone who would 1. not understand how to politely complain about poor service and 2. thought that belittling his wife was acceptable. All around he showed an inability to behave in the correct way and I would have a very serious word with him. You mentioned a previous unkind comment that he made and I am wondering if there were times where he acted similarly prior to your marriage?

This.
What an idiot!
I hope you told him in no uncertain terms never to refer to you in such a derogatory way ever again.

You took a troglodyte to a restaurant what do you expect?

Maybe he felt sorry for the waiting staff but still he was out of order saying that and you were 100% right to complain.

As a ex-waitress I'd have much rather people mentioned the problem there and then instead of leaving a review. This time of year most places do hire extra staff, mainly inexperienced students just to cover the Christmas period. My ex boss would wait until we were desperate for extra staff and leave it until we were already busy before starting them. 😭 It was a nightmare. I must have apologised to 100 people per day even though it was mainly the kitchen staff callings the starters away before making sure the other side of the kitchen was ready with their starters. (Hot/cold/gluten free and dairy free section all had different areas/staff as your not allowed to mix stations). We often had issues, especially when there's new kitchen staff and waiting staff.

Defuse things? What was there to defuse? It all sounds very polite. Your H just doesn't like it that you had the confidence to assert himself.

I'm glad the man didn't signal any approval of this "joke".

I would have had a complete sense of humour failure.

Wow, what an absolute prick he is. I can guarantee, my husband would never dream of “humour” like that.

I’m sorry. I would have been so angry and embarrassed.

Perhaps start your own thread then as I am not sure the relevance of your comment?

Yeah, what if her H had complained politely and OP said to the staff member, "Sorry about him, he's got blue balls because he hasn't had any in a while."

How would HE like THAT?

Ummmm that is NOT nice and not necessary.

It has become clear that you are not educated in how to best approach complaining. It also appears that perhaps you and OP husband would be better suited and you both seem to enjoy putting women in what you think is their place.

That is a disgusting and completely unfunny comment. What a total idiot. Is this the first time he's said something as dumb as that? Unbelievable.

You need to set boundaries about his behaviour. If you have nowhere else to go, start making plans. Even if you don't carry them out, it will help you gain control of your emotions. Have a look at narcisstic behaviour and all of the red flags that go with it and see if he matches up. The actual process of breaking away is scary, it can cost you money and friends as well as an awful lot of effort, and I'll bet you are thinking of doing this. However, if he is not violent, aggressive and controlling, you might decide to stick with him, at least until any children grow up. To make this journey tolerable and if he is really not a bad man, just stupid, make the boundary rules and ensure he sticks to them. Besides which, despite your obvious embarassment, no one really cares about social faux pas. In two days, anyone who witnessed this scene will have forgotten about and moved on. The male member of staff acted correctly. Act cool for a few days and he will get the message, or if you the confident woman that you are, have it out with him.

Was the sound of your bits zipping the fuck closed audible?

I think he was trying to let the waiter know that he found you embarrassing and complaining is not something he would have done. So essentially he was throwing you under the bus to save himself from being judged as rude/fussy, rather than diffusing the situation with humor. It's a minor betrayal really when you look at it like that.
And to bring your period into it is gross.

Your DH said what?! Ugh what a bellend.

Your H sounds like a prick!!!

EDIT: Didn’t mean to add that picture and now I can’t get rid of it!!

Christ.

Your husband sounds low class and vulgar.

I can’t stand men who have this sort of humour, especially towards the women in their lives. I couldn’t feel feminine around a man like this, it would make me feel like he’s treating me like “one of the lads”. I definitely couldn’t sleep with him either.

What an appalling man. I could not be with someone like this.

Hang on, so at the moment we've got the following three threads running:

a) A woman was mocked in public for having periods because she made a polite complaint about the restaurant's service.

b) A woman came out of a bathroom to find her lover wearing a surprise gimp mask with a dildo attached and told her that hopping on was for her benefit.

c) A woman went on a first date, and he hit her so hard on the bottom, in public, that he left a bruise through her clothes.

I swear to fucking God, all the women in the world should go on a year-long sex and pregnancy strike. 🤬🤬🤬🤬 Why are SO many men so fucking awful?

I cannot understand why you would not enquire where the rest of the order is. And it's not humiliating for a waiter to be asked that. It's part of their job.

Perhaps you should consider whether it's fair that a table of diners receiving poor service should pay the same as a table receiving good service?

It's pretty poor to complain after the event. Things go wrong and they need to be given the opportunity to put things right. That might mean a price adjustment, free coffees, or just bringing the ordered dish to the table, unless you've finished.

Is he generally a very insecure man? This and the clubbing joke make me think so. Both completely unacceptable and I’d be coming down like a ton of bricks

No, he’s just a typical middle aged bloke who forgets he’s not always with ‘the lads’ down the pub. I’ve reminded him on many occasions that what he jokes about with them isn’t going to be appropriate for my ears, or appreciated.

He doesn’t forget, this is just who he is.

What an absolute dickhead! You did the correct thing OP and what any mature person would do. Saying nothing and then leaving bitchy comments on-line is for spineless morons. Your partner unfortunately sounds like a spineless moron.

Have the pubs kicked out early tonight?