Would you expect/would your family join in with the Tom foolery?

[Pissingitdownquelsurprise]

Had parents and sibling and niece & nephew (late teens) over this weekend
Our Dc is 6 and bouncing all over the place talking to everyone, sibling and DN and DN are quiet people, which I get. Dd asking them if they wanted to play or trying to make conversation, no one really making any effort with her, so it always ends up being Dh and me running around playing with her, doing hide and seek and playing games etc. I totally get that they all probably don’t want to and it’s not much fun, but wouldn’t you give attention..,or at least talk to your little cousin/niece?

Felt a bit sorry for her as she was literally getting nothing back and loves them.

I was about to write this exact same post! You have to understand that not everyone will be as excited by your daughter as you are.

When my daughter was the same age, some of our visitors engaged with her and some didn't. She still remembers in vivid detail the teenagers and adults who were really kind to her and helped her with activities. But no one judged the ones who didn't.

Maybe next time, tell her in advance that you are going to set up a children's table for her while the grown-ups talk. Put some colouring books and other interesting activities on it so she can sit there and be part of things while also allowing the rest of your guests to chat and catch up. If you take the pressure off the other children, they may well gravitate towards that table anyway.

I don't think it's very fair to say everyone disagreeing with you isn't a mum. Those people are basically saying they are mums and would let their child do that/wouldn't expect people to engage with their child like that. But I'm not a mum and I always play with the kids. It becomes very hurtful though when so many mums try and other you and blame you/the group you belong to for everyone's negative opinion of children.

I totally agree with this, except that there were no other children: the young people were 18 and 20. I would have been really annoyed at being pestered by a kid at that age.

How things are from my perspective OP:

I love children. I had a large family myself. I have done the young child thing for 30 years. I have also not touched a drop of alcohol for many years, so I'm not drunk.

I am now perimenopausal, I don't have the energy I had when I had young children. In fact, sometimes I'm just tired. I look forward to visiting people knowing I can sit down and have a breather.

If you have young children, I will greet them, ask about school, oooh and ahhh about the things they have made that they show me. I might play a mindless board game for a bit, so I've included them. Then, other than the odd verbal interaction, I'm not interested. I want to relax and enjoy the visit. I don't want to run around. If I'm having a good day maybe, but that's on whether I want to or not.

I might run around more with a grandchild (which I don't yet have), but I'm done with all that stuff in general. If I've done the above I've included your child and been polite to them, but they're really not that interesting to me and I'm still just wanting a quiet visit.

They're just Ridiculous..My girls are 18 and 16,Cousins are 11 and 8,Niece 20 months and Nephew 4 months and they play with all of them..your family sound bloody miserable and I'd be mortified and would have a word with my girls if they didn't interact with their cousins or Niece or Nephew but I wouldn't have too as they have good manners and enjoy their family gatherings..

it doesn’t really surprise me that at that age, they do not have much interest in their 6 year old cousin. Sure, some young people might but certainly not all. I would expect your adult siblings to initiate some conversation with a little one, or for younger cousins to join in the play but can quite see why this might not appeal to older teenagers.

Oh dear, I've not had an alcoholic drink for about 34 years.
No I am not an alcoholic or a recovering one
I just don't like the taste.

Of course the Op wants the thread removed, as it's not going her way.

"People are disagreeing with me so they're all drunk" is a new low!

And that one is fucking obnoxious.

Wow, there are so many people looking to give OP a beating tonight.

Kids can be annoying, but wanting to engage doesn't mean the girl is a brat? That is a pretty awful thing to say about an excited child.

Also, famiiles are different. But if I visit someone in their home, stay for 6 hours, of course I will expect the kids to want to play at some point. It's not like a 6 year old can just take herself out for a bit to occupy herself for that length of time otherwise.

If I don't want to interact with someone's child, or just want some adult time, I'd make arrangements with the parents solo, outside of the house. Go out for a coffee or a meal to catch up properly. But if you are visiting the home of the family - the whole family are likely to be present and it's rude to exclude.

The girl was a bit over-excited and could reign it in. But these are cousins and aunts. Not the bloody bishop! I find it so odd that others on this thread stand on such ceremony with very close relations. Those saying OP is unreasonable for going outside to play with her child - I highly doubt she forbade the guests for joining them in the garden? I also doubt it was in the first couple of hours when people are catching up. Who want's to sit in someone elses living room for hours on end without getting up and stretching your legs. I couldn't sit for 6 hours straight, so I don't expect an excitable child to manage it either.

Of course, not everyone is up for joining in physical play. But to barely look up from your phones? Not wanting to engage at all? I think it's odd that a few have become quite vicious when defending this behaviour.

Nope. Posters are neither drunk nor looking to wind up and upset others. They just disagree with you.

I wouldn't expect an eighteen year old or a twenty year old child to do much in the way of playing with a six year old, no.

Did your sibling play with your child?

"I totally agree with this, except that there were no other children: the young people were 18 and 20. I would have been really annoyed at being pestered by a kid at that age."

Yes, I just hadn't picked up the fact they were adults when I posted. I had it in my head that they were in their early or mid teens.

Exactly! I’m a mum and I’m not drunk and I think the OP is being totally unreasonable. If I visit family or friends I visit to talk to adults, certainly not to play children’s entertainer with other people’s kids! I would speak to the child but I would draw the line at playing. If you really were running around playing hide and seek while you had guests then that’s really odd. When my DC were small I was very conscious of them not annoying guests and I would intervene if I thought they were.

I’ve not had a drop…. And I have 6 kids. And I’m a foster carer.

I still can’t imagine any day that I’d actively want to play with other people’s 6 year olds.

Some posters on here being very rude about a small girl who has committed the crime of being six and trying to speak to her family members: her grandparents, auntie or uncle and cousins.

On the one hand OP of course it would have been nice if they’d made an effort with her, I expect you were nice to them when you were the childless auntie and they were small and wanted to play.

On the other hand it is good for kids to learn that not everyone finds them as fascinating as their parents do. Don’t worry it won’t do her any harm, in another few years the kids will be in a different life phase and maybe get on better.

Sad that some people seem to think adults shouldn’t play with children. Says a lot tbh.

Also the word brat is horrible - my mum said my daughter was being a brat when she accidentally dropped yoghurt off her spoon the first time she used one aged, what, 7 months? Some people just feel good throwing these kind of terms around - often the people who are most sensitive if anyone says anything less than positive about them.

You are sounding more and more ghastly as you continue to post

Actually, if I got on the wine, I'd be more likely to join in tomfoolery.

A seven month old accidentally dropping yoghurt is not a brat. A six year old expecting adults to centre them, constantly interrupting, expecting adults to play hide and seek at an adult gathering, whilst their parents indulgently look on unable to ever say no to them, is a brat, ADHD or no ADHD. And I say that as a (sober!) mum of a child with ADHD.

I do understand why you are sad about this but as an 18/20 year old I wouldn’t have been interested in a 6 year old either. I can find young kids a bit hard at times going to be honest.

She’s their relative but not their responsibility to entertain. And whilst I understand why it would be nice if they could engage, it can’t be expected.

Some of the replies in this thread are mental
I’m not a natural with small children but I would certainly engage with a niece, nephew or cousin if I’d gone round for a family visit
When my own kids were small my parents loved playing games with them

I thought the days of children being seen and not heard were left in the 1950’s but they seem to be alive and well on Mumsnet

If my brother invited me over and then started playing hide and seek with his kids, I’d think that very rude. I go to catch up with my brother. His kids are 5 and 3 and not half as interesting as he thinks. I do engage with them but after 10 minutes of pretending to die because the older one has shot me I honestly do want to die. And my brother just sits and chats to his wife or is on his phone.

I think you're getting a hard time here OP.

My DB has an 8 old year old who actually is quite annoying and wants to be centre of attention but my teens would still take time to converse and play games with them. Maybe not hide and seek, but with toys or board games.
I also would ask how school is, about their hobbies etc.

I couldn’t care less about other people’s 6 year olds, family or not. Sorry OP. Once my own children were older I stopped caring. Maybe they’re like me. No way would I have played with a 6 yr old, I’d have asked a couple of questions then expected her to do some colouring or quiet activity and not bother the adults.