DH spent £300 on one gift, now I need to equalise it

[Emvid]

DH and I have 3 children, this year they are all bringing their partners to join us for Christmas. I hadn’t really figured out how much I was going to spend on each child or their partners yet but probably not a lot.
This morning DH proudly showed me a vintage football shirt he’s bought for DDs boyfriend, then told me it was £300!
Now I feel compelled to spend at least that much on our children and similar on our DS’s girlfriends so there are no accusations or favouritism. When I suggested DH return it he said no as he wants to give it to DDs boyfriend and if not for Christmas he will just give it to him for the sake of it.
AIBU to be annoyed he spent this much on one gift without consulting me?

Christmas is not a competition! It is not an obligation to spend, spend, spend nor indeed to spend the same on everyone. Give gifts to those you wish to; give within your financial limits; and give with love.

Would it? Most couples I know have some personal money separate but most money joint

i mean fair enough if you’re high earners and you habitually spend £300 on items for yourselves but yeah, bit weird. And you can’t give one partner a mega gift and then give the others chocolates or soap sets. So the presents will all have to match in perceived value and wow factor. Otherwise it’s rude.

This is where Christmas is not about love and family but about money.
Why would you feel compelled to match the numbers/ money amount?
Gifts are not about how much they cost but the thought put behind it. If husband already covered something dd's partner is passionate about, why not make sure you also make a thoughtful gift that may not need to cost the same. But it may have the same appreciation as the expensive gift.

I never spend the same on my kids or relatives every year, some years is more some is less, it's all based on their needs and wants and knowing them well enough to make sure they appreciate the gifts.
Don't make it about money.

😂😂😂

and prob more than she would spent on her bf so makes her look stingy if he gets this from dh

This is really strange! They aren’t even married! Do they have children together? They might not even be together this time next year! Id be worried what exactly is going on - some kind of bromance?! We only spend £500 per child. Absolutely no way a non family member who may or may not stick around would be getting a £300 gift

I was going to say this too. Just make it an individual present from DH, buy the boyfriend a normal present and spend what you’d normally spend on everyone within budget. That will surely be cheaper than spending £1800 on everyone.

For it to be valuable enough to be on a par with the £300 gift, it would have to be extremely thoughtful and absolutely perfectly pitched, like something the person has been wanting for years, or something with extremely high sentimental value, and I doubt OP has enough sentimental items sitting around, or the time or energy to get the most thoughtful gifts ever, for five adults…

Would anyone know how much it cost? You could have bought it for £50 on eBay. You're overthinking.

There’s no reason you have to match it. I hope he spent his own money not family money. And I hope they don’t break up any time soon!

I was telling my partner about this thread (before the OP updated) and she said "Be ironic if the DD had been planning to dump him..." Or the boyfriend was planning to similarly.

Well probably one that was about to cost 300 quid yeah🙄

If the shirt is something the boyfriend will really like, why not buy the others something the will really like? It isn't necessarily the value of the gift, it's pointless spending a lot of money on things that won't be appreciated.
This year I have spent far more on my Goddaughter's husband than on her because I know the gift is something he will really appreciate. I have actually bought Goddaughter's present in the charity shop as it is something she will love. For her Mum I have a birdbath from my own garden as she specifically asked for one.
It isn't the amount you spend, it's the thoughtfulness.

Is his birthday coming up at all? If you give this for Xmas, like you say you will have to match it. And if you do that it will be expected every year.
I don't think £300 on your own kids is too much (if you can afford) but not on partners too.

How long have DD and BF been together? Are we talking potential husband material? Either way, stupid amount for xmas. I'd be fuming of my parents spent that amount on me and then my husband as well. That's a child's amount of money

He is obviously trying to impress or overshadow the boyfriend by showing he is the Big Man.

He sounds really immature and a silly show off.

What is he buying you fior Christmas and how much will it cost?

I agree that £300 is an insane amount but if he is refusing to return it would the others in the house know how much it cost? I have no idea what the price of vintage football shirts is and would never think to look it up. I'd just think how nice it was that your DH had found a gift the BF likes. 🤷‍♀️

I think this is just so wrong and it could end up backfiring on him

Put yourself in the position of the bf. I think it could be embarrassing for him to receive the most expensive gift of everyone. He will I assume know the cost of the shirt and wonder what the hell is going on.

Why is his gfs father buying him expensive gifts? The possible reasons that would cross my mind would have me running for the hills

I thought I did well spending £25 on my son’s gf.

I think one present from both of you would have been sufficient but £300 on some shirt for the boyfriend is not only ridiculous but just seems weird. How close are they that he felt compelled to do something like that (I am assuming he is not printing money!)?

Unless it was some very special occasion, I wouldn't either, and I would definitely think it was strange if my husband spent that kind of money on someone who wasn't even a family member yet.

It is a crazy amount to spend, but will the others even know? I wouldn't think for a second if someone bought my brother a vintage football shirt that it would've cost £300!

That’s strange behaviour

So I'm wondering what you ended up doing. Personally I never try to buy equal gifts for my kids, their partners, or grandkids. I buy them what I think they will like and I don't worry about prices. This year I gifted my cousins wife a Swarovski crystal angel because her Name is Crystal and she collects angels. Now this is valued at over $500, but I paid about 10% of it's worth from a charity shop. No one complained that she got a higher priced gift than anyone else.
I still keep my Christmas budget under $500 for everyone.

I've just read your thread and am very modern to know what happened in the end.

Your daughters response was wonderful!