DH spent £300 on one gift, now I need to equalise it

[Emvid]

DH and I have 3 children, this year they are all bringing their partners to join us for Christmas. I hadn’t really figured out how much I was going to spend on each child or their partners yet but probably not a lot.
This morning DH proudly showed me a vintage football shirt he’s bought for DDs boyfriend, then told me it was £300!
Now I feel compelled to spend at least that much on our children and similar on our DS’s girlfriends so there are no accusations or favouritism. When I suggested DH return it he said no as he wants to give it to DDs boyfriend and if not for Christmas he will just give it to him for the sake of it.
AIBU to be annoyed he spent this much on one gift without consulting me?

Id tell him to gift it separately after Christmas. Your setting a precedent for high spends in later years. If my in-laws gave me a £300 gift one year, I'd then think this was the level to reciprocate at in subsequent years- it wouldn't cross my mind that it was a one off burst of generosity to level a crazy playing field

I’m going against the grain here but if it was something your DD’s boyfriend would really love I think it’s kind of your DH. I don’t think gifts have to be same value if it’s something the person really wants. I assume you can afford it if your DH was fine spending that. Your DH could gift it separately from the gifts to avoid embarrassment amongst others.

Rigjt so hes the fave... and his "golf fwend"

My dh has honestly got hundreds of vintage shirts and he supports a "famous" team.
he has many exotic variations...
none cost £300

Your dh could have buy a cheaper one. It needs to go back unless your dh wants to stump up £1500 of his own personal spends to even it up

Yeah he’s just over excited! Could you ask him to save it for a big birthday or other special occasion? Christmas is the worst time to give it if not spending that much on the others, just going to cause issues. I would put my foot down.

Ok so make your DH responsible for finding gifts for the other partners. They don't all have to be £300 but they do have to be lovely thoughtful gifts. Make a deal with him that if he can't do it he has to send the shirt back!

Apparently it has some embroidery from the team winning a cup in the 90s that makes it “special” , frankly it could be made of the finest silk and sewn with gold thread and I’d still think it was a stupid choice!

That's kind of how I feel

If we all got thoughtful gifts, I wouldn't notice or care about financial disparity.. up to a point obviously, I'd be upset if my sister got a car and I got a box of chocolates.. Especially this kind of gift - I would have no idea of the cost of a football shirt.

It's just different gift giving attitudes I guess

My point is if he wanted to get a vintage man u / arsenal shirt there are eleventy billion je could pick that arent so insanely priced.

How many £300 items of clothing do you and your dh have? (We have 2 total in the house, coats)

Its asking for trouble and sowing seeds of discontent to gift that at xmas.

I don’t think we’d know where to start in finding an equally thoughtful gift for the other partners as although they’ve all been dating for over a year at least, I just don’t know them well enough (and asking my DSs is pointless as I’m sure they don’t even know what they are getting their gfs yet!)

Nailed it. He's going to mortify this poor lad. Tell him the family will be wondering if he has a secret crush on daughter's partner.

Does your bloke know he's probably going to embarrass the boyfriend by such an extravagant gift?

He messaged DD to get her thoughts and she replied “is this the modern equivalent of a dowry, why spend so much?”.

Ask your dh not to give this shirt to dd's bf for Christmas - otherwise it would spiral out of control, the expenditure I mean. Tell him he can give it to him some other time - birthday, etc. but not for Christmas. Give everyone the same very inexpensive gift - you are hosting the whole troupe of adults anyway, you will be greatly out of pocket!

All the posters saying things don't have to be equal are obviously from very weird families. Of course things need to be pretty much equal. Spending £30 on one and £300 on another is a recipe for Christmas Day carnage, I don't care how thoughtful both gifts are.

OP, I think your DH is showing off and trying to ingratiate himself with this boy for whatever reason. It's juvenile. He's got some sort of man crush, the daft knob.

Your DH is besotted with the bf, how embarrassing! Is he showing off? It is really weird.

Would he spend that much on a mate's gift?

Do people really sit around comparing the cost of their gifts?

I'm too late with this one if you've let the cat out the bag.
I wouldn't confess how much the shirt is and just stick with your usual budget for everyone else.
Vintage prices fluctuate wildly. Take the hit and keep quiet.

Many years ago DSs girlfriends parents spent more on DS than he thought they would. He was mortified and spent most of Christmas trying to ‘top up’ their present. The awful thing was that DS split up with his girlfriend 6 weeks later and he didn’t feel that he should keep the present.
Now with his partner it is agreed that there is a maximum spend of £50.

Apart from he's now told them, is this one of those things where you wouldn't necessarily know it had cost £300?? So nobody might actually be embarrassed or know he's spent more at all? It's still daft but if that's the case then I don't think you need to worry about all this matching value of the other gifts etc. PP said they know you can get a lot of vintage footy shirts for way less than £300 so would the bf defo have even known the value 🤷🏼‍♀️

Is anyone else likely to know how much it cost? As in itself, it isn't a hugely extravagant present.

If it’s a vintage shirt they’re not going to know how much it cost. I don’t think you need to match it in value.

Some people just pick the gift they think each person will most appreciate and don’t pay attention to the cost of each thing, rather than spending a specific amount on each person.

Sorry but it’s weird.

I think this could also be awkward if it is higher value than what his own parents give. Imagine him going to theirs and showing them this vintage shirt (and finding out it cost so much) and they only spent £100 on him and got your DD a token gift of around £20.
How long has she been with this boyfriend for?

OP, will your DS’s GFs know how much this shirt cost? I wouldn’t have a clue, and I don’t think you need to even it up financially. If you buy them both something nice, I think that would be fine. I don’t think it would show “favouritism” - I know what men can be like about shared interests with their DD’s BFs or SILs - I see it with my BIL, who would think nothing of buying something similar. But you don’t have to up the ante just because your DH has spent a frankly astonishing amount on your DD’s BF.

Does he have a crush on him?!