DH spent £300 on one gift, now I need to equalise it

[Emvid]

DH and I have 3 children, this year they are all bringing their partners to join us for Christmas. I hadn’t really figured out how much I was going to spend on each child or their partners yet but probably not a lot.
This morning DH proudly showed me a vintage football shirt he’s bought for DDs boyfriend, then told me it was £300!
Now I feel compelled to spend at least that much on our children and similar on our DS’s girlfriends so there are no accusations or favouritism. When I suggested DH return it he said no as he wants to give it to DDs boyfriend and if not for Christmas he will just give it to him for the sake of it.
AIBU to be annoyed he spent this much on one gift without consulting me?

Ridiculous gift.
The boyfriend will be left feeling obliged to match next year.
What was he thinking?

I can adore my DH and also think it’s odd that he spends more time with DDs bf than with DD or either of our DS.
That doesn’t mean marital issues, I think it’s normal in marriage to adore you husband but also have a few moments where you think why the fuck are you doing that?

😆👌
He has a bro crush on his SIL.

I think we all know that this is NEVER going to happen. DH is simply not going to be able to contain himself with mahoosive hints as to how "special" it is.

OP, is your DH the husband in a BBC comedy? This situation sounds right up "My Family"'s street.

how long have they been together? Before we were married my in laws spent around £300/400 on gifts for me plus £250 in cash for Christmas

To be fair, unless you were an expert, or really researched it, no one would have any idea that it cost so much. The others will just think it's a football shirt.

I would not spend that on the others. I think it needs to be given with an acknowledgement that it is a big splurge item, not to expect much for birthday/next Christmas etc, and that others might get a splurge at some point if you see something they would really love.

How will anyone other than you and DH know how much it cost?

This is giving off Brokeback Mountains vibes.

You have to equalize.

I would be wary of such a curve ball move.

I feel sorry for the boyfriend. He's likely to feel quite awkward to receive such an expensive gift whoever gives it to him.

The reflection it throws on his gifts to others and the pressure to reciprocate in the future will both make Christmas stressful for him.

Your DH needs to get a grip and stop being so bloody self-indulgent.

I was going going to ask that, is he trying to impress this specific person or is he generally mr generous to other petiole? My dad was a bit like that, buying everyone drinks, routed in an inferiority complex or the desire to please/fur in , not thinking you are enough .

I mean if you were the boyfriend and he came out how much it was you’d just think you absolute weirdo.

yeah.... I must admit when I read your OP, my first thought was that it was strange......

Yes, a more normal benchmark I’d say you have!

That’s ridiculous. I gave my dd’s boyfriend £150 for his 18th but that’s a complete one off. I spend no more than £50 on a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Has he bought others Christmas gifts also, sounds like he wants a great close friend to hang out with but he is still only a boyfriend, they could finish tomorrow,

It’s not about the cost of the gift IMO. And it is clear he is closer to DDs boyfriend rather than the other partners.
no one should openly kick up a fuss about how much was spent on an adult publicly. So I’d give it but get them something nice too - £40-50 ish.

Of course no-one should 'kick up a fuss'. But most people would at least privately feel a bit miffed if others in the family group received a much more generous gift than they did.

He’s pretty myopic/selfish because it’s blatant favouritism and nobody likes that.

It’s a lot and you don’t want to set a precedent. Hope ‘selling’ it to DD works out.

Awkward on many levels . Does the boyfriend have a zero-end birthday any time soon? I would put the shirt anway until then t and hand it over with an associated fib that it was a lucky bargain at a charity sale and you couldn’t resist it or something. My DH comes home with random stuff that throws stockings/gift quota off balance . I say yes dear and put them in the cupboard for next time.

They wouldn’t be actively ‘comparing’ would they ffs? 🤦‍♀️

But it’s pretty stark raving obvious, when gifts are opened and everyone can LITERALLY see!

It would be bloody hard not to notice that Golfing Godfrey has received a vintage shirt, and Non-Golfing Geoff opens up a pair of M&S slippers!

No ‘comparing’ needed to see who’s Golden Golf Balls!

Is he going to do the rest of the gift buying? Is he going to be held accountable for showing favoritism when the others get £20 gift and golden boy gets his £300 all time keepsake item?

OP

Could hubby be convinced to save the vintage shirt for a birthday gift?